Our Love Is Insanity
by BecomingScarlett
Summary: Shailene Call has enough insanity in her life with a mother who suffers from D.I.D., Dissociative Identity Disorder, and is often overtaken by alter personalities, without adding her father back into the mix, who realized that abandoning them 4 years ago was a mistake. Too bad that's not all the insanity in store for her. Paul/OC Imprint. Romance/Drama/Humor Rated M for Language.
1. 1 The Reign of the Alters Isn't Over

_**Thanks for checking out my newest Twilight story; A Paul/OC Imprint Story.**_

_**I know Paul imprinted on Rachel, but my idea wouldn't have worked for the Black family, so I created my own family and main character. I could have used a different wolf, I suppose, but I really wanted to use Paul because he seems like a lot of fun to write and play with ;)**_

_**I changed some facts about the Twilight series to make this idea work, like for instance: in the books, Bella moves to Forks in January 2005 but for my story she moves a year later in January 2006. It was mainly because I needed to change some ages/birthdates in order to make facts for my story play out correctly. I'll explain it when it actually matters, because it doesn't right now ;)**_

_**Warning: This is Rated T right now, but there is some foul language, a few f-bombs, but not too explicit talk, so I've left it T for now. If anyone's really offended, I might change it, but I'll wait until things get more mature to change the rating to M. OK? Ok...**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters, places, ideas, etc. I also took inspiration from the really amazing Showtime show United States of Tara, which is about a woman with D.I.D. - Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you don't know what it is, and you haven't watched the show, you'll be learning more about the disorder, which is sometimes called Multiple Personality Disorder. I based the Mom - Whitney - off of United States of Tara's main character Tara. Any similarities to Whitney and Tara are purposely made that way, but I didn't exactly copy Tara, because where would be the fun in that? Anyways, anything unfamiliar is mine, all other things belong to their proper owners. Thanks:)**_

_**-BecomingScarlett**_

* * *

**Our Love Is Insanity**

**Chapter 1: The Reign of the Alters Isn't Over Yet**

"Are you sure this is what you want to do, Mom?" I ask for the fifteenth time this morning, weaving through the crowd quickly as I try to keep up with her brisk pace. Her legs are longer than mine so it's hardly a fair match, and with how busy the airport is right now I'll be surprised if she heard me at all.

Mom tosses her head back with a laugh before looking over her shoulder at me, pausing traffic flow on the right side of the packed JFK International Airport hallway as she waits for me to catch up. "Yes, Shay," She answers, giving me a look; one of those Mom looks that says 'ask me one more time and I might have to slap you'.

Despite the look, I have to make sure she's not going to have regrets, so I remind her, "This isn't our only option, though. There's still four more months to the program, and Dr. Rivers said a lot of progress can be made in that time."

Mom sighs, linking her arm through mine and pulling me along at her previous speed, following the signs overhead to the ticket counter. "Dr. Rivers also said that I've had a big breakthrough, and that being home with my family is the only way to know how much progress I've truly made." She tilts her hazel-green gaze in my direction, eyes searching my face as she queries, "Don't you miss home?"

I shrug indifferently, "I don't know." There are things I miss about home, like my sister and my nephew, but I don't have any reason to miss the location specifically. "It was never really home to me."

"What do you mean?" Mom raises her eyebrows in surprise, insisting, "Of course it is your home, Shailene. Home is where your family is, always remember that. I'm homesick; I miss my Denae and my little Levi. I can't believe we missed his third birthday - I mean, what if he doesn't even remember his Mimi?"

"He'll remember you," I assure her confidently, knowing the weekly Skype-chats with Denae and LJ kept his Mimi Whitney and his Auntie Shay at the fore-front of his memory. "And you can't feel bad about getting help. We all want you to get better."

"I'm better," Mom argues, but I send her a look of my own; one that says, 'who the fuck are you kidding?' "Okay; I'm not _better_-better, but I'm better than before. I've been alter-free for seventy-two days. Tell me that's not a breakthrough!"

"Of course it is," I say gently, "but that doesn't mean you're ready to be home and you're prepared to deal with all the stress of _that place._ Do you remember what people said about you? I don't know why you'd want to go back there. Why can't we stay in New York? You have support here; doctors, peers, health centers..."

"I don't need all of that, Shay," Mom waves away my words with a flick of her hand. "I only need you and Denae. Besides, your Aunt Tiff is there, and your cousin Embry, and you have friends-"

"I don't have friends there, Mom," I cut in rudely, "And I already told you that I wasn't going back to that school. If you're making me go back to La Push, I'm at least going to the high school in Forks. I can't spend the next two years listening to those idiots make fun of you."

At long last, we've located the ticket counter, and Mom and I join the line of customers waiting to purchase tickets out of New York. Mom scans the flight times while she tells me in an overly motherly tone, "I don't know why you care what people say, Shailene Kelly; your father and I didn't raise you to worry about what everyone else thinks of you."

I want to point out that I don't care what they think of me, I care what they think of _her_, but at the mention of my father I choose to keep quiet. Mom has D.I.D. - that is, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder or M.P.D. It is a complex disorder that is stemmed from severe trauma, usually trauma suffered as a young child, and is thought to be a coping mechanism used to escape the abuse. It is only the most severe cases that causes multiple personalities, and in my mother's case she has four personalities, or 'alters'. Mom became aware of her alters in her late-teen years, but Dr. Rivers suggests she may have developed it even before then. When Mom met my dad in college, she had already been diagnosed with multiple personalities, and she was up-front about it with him. Dad loved her anyways, and he supported her and took care of her for twenty-two years, and then one day he had enough, enough of the alters and their drama, and he left. He left Mom and he left Denae and he left me, and that is why we moved all the way out to La Push, Washington to live near his younger sister Tiffany, and her son Embry.

Everything fell apart after Dad left. Mom and Denae swear things were just as bad when Dad was around, that I was simply too young to remember, but I remember more than they think I do. After Dad left, Denae turned into a rebellious sixteen-year-old and was never home, and I was twelve-going-on-thirty trying to take care of Mom and Denae and myself at the same time. The year Dad left is also the year Denae got pregnant with Levi, and that didn't help the alter-situation any. Mom was _not_ herself more than she was herself that year. It was almost like both my parents abandoned me at the same time, only one of them chose to leave and the other had no control at all.

"I just want a fresh start," I tell Mom after giving her words a moment to sink in, "I want to be normal, for once. Please, can I go to high school in Forks instead?" She has to understand why I need a fresh start. After all, she was the one who suggested New York for a fresh start for herself, and all I'm asking for is a simple high school transfer. Well, I suppose 14-month intensive therapy for her identity disorder seeing how she was on the verge of a mental breakdown was more of a necessity than a chance at a fresh start, but still...it was her decision. I'd like to make one of my own.

Mom must notice I'm pretty determined because she replies, "I guess that'd be all right. It shouldn't be too difficult for La Push High to transfer your records to Forks High. The school year doesn't even start for almost another month, anyhow. Remind me to call tomorrow, and I'll see what I can do."

I raise my eyebrows and stare at her in shock for a moment. "Seriously?" She nods and I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly, "Oh, thank you, Mom. Thank you so much!"

"_Next in line!_"

Mom and I break apart when we realize the man behind the counter is referring to us, and Mom puts on her most charming smile as she unzips her purse and locates her wallet. "Two tickets for the next flight to Seattle, please. I believe it departs at eleven-fifteen." For a forty-three year old mother of two, grandmother of one, Mom doesn't look it in the slightest. She's tall and thin and beautiful, with long legs like a supermodel, and the gorgeous face of a beauty queen. Actually, one of her alters, Felicia, believes she is a twenty-eight year old beauty queen from Texas, but that's beside the point.

The airport employee is clearly affected by Mom's charm, and he quickly runs her information through and brings up two tickets on the next flight to Seattle. He even gives her discounted first-class tickets, just because he's feeling generous. "Here you are, Ms. Branford. I hope you enjoy your flight to Seattle, and be sure to fly with us again." Mom changed her last name from Call back to Branford after Dad filed for divorce four years ago, but it's still weird to me to hear someone call her 'Ms. Branford'.

"I surely will," Mom replies in an almost Felicia-like tone.

"Don't do that," I complain as we walk away from the ticket counter, "We've been Fee-free for seventy-two days, and I'm not complaining. Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry," Mom laughs lightly, placing her hand on my shoulder and guiding me in the direction of the airport food court. "Let's grab some breakfast while we wait."

* * *

The flight from New York City to Seattle is direct, and because of that only five and a half hours long, but with the time difference we arrive in Washington at just before two in the afternoon. Mom insists on taking a shuttle to the nearest car dealership, where she purchases a lightly used Volkswagen. Seriously, my mom is not an impulsive shopper, so it's a great surprise to see her splurging on a car like this when her old one was a 1987 Chevy pick-up truck. She also mentioned to me on the flight over that she's been looking at houses in La Push the past few weeks and think she found someplace perfect for not only us, but Denae and LJ too, who have been living with Aunt Tiffany and Embry the past year and a half. Apparently, Dad has been sending Mom decent money, and she's putting it to good use.

"Did you even warn Aunt Tiff we were coming today?" I wonder once we've settled our things in Mom's new car and are on the road. This decision to leave the therapy program, which was supposed to be 18-months in total, early was also made pretty impulsively so I don't know what to expect. The first I heard of it was this morning, when Mom told me to pack my clothes and whatever else I accumulated over the last fourteen months in New York.

"Not exactly," Mom explains, "I did tell her to expect us sometime this month, but I didn't tell her we were coming today."

"Mom," I groan, "Why not?"

"What's the big deal, Shailene?" Mom wonders, "We're only staying there a few days, a week at the most, while I settle the deal on the new house. You can call her now and tell her we'll be there around six, if you want to. I hardly think Aunt Tiff is going to be disappointed to see us."

"I didn't say that, did I?" I mention, "It's just nice to warn people when you're coming to stay with them."

"_I _should warn people when I'm coming, or was that 'you' supposed to be you in general?" Mom sends me an offended glare.

"Of course I didn't mean just you," I clarify. "I'm sorry, Mom. I really didn't mean it like that. I'm a little overwhelmed, I guess. Coming back here is bringing up some not-so happy memories that I'd like to forget ever happened, so if I'm taking it out on you I really don't mean it."

"We're going to have a fresh start, remember?" Mom repeats my words from earlier. "Things are going to be better this time around."

"I hope so," I shrug noncommittally.

The drive to Aunt Tiff's house from the car dealership in Seattle is almost another four hours away, so by the time we arrive both Mom and I are pretty exhausted. We were up at seven, and adding in the time difference, that's already fourteen hours so it has been a long day. Aunt Tiff and Embry live in a small two-bedroom home on the reservation in La Push, just a few minutes away from First Beach. When things got real bad with Mom, a few months before she got accepted in the intensive therapy program, Denae and LJ moved in with Tiffany, and she fixed up the den for them to share since she had no extra bedrooms. The house being so small is another reason I asked if Mom warned Tiff we were coming; I'm not exactly sure where we'll be sleeping tonight.

Mom parks her new car next to Aunt Tiff's and a bronze-colored Toyota that could be Denae's since her old car was falling apart when we left. When we get out and stretch our legs, I look in the backseat of the Toyota and spot LJ's blue and green plaid carseat and confirm that it is Denae's vehicle. I'm glad she's home, because I really have missed her. "Ready to go in?" Mom asks once she sees that I've grabbed my backpack from the floor of the passenger seat. "Let's leave everything else for now, and go in and say hi."

I follow Mom to the front door, watching her nervously flip her long brunette hair from in front of her shoulders to behind and then back in front again. She stops the nervous mannerisms the moment Aunt Tiff opens the door and calls into the house, "Look who's home!" She then engulfs Mom in a hug, and me next. "Welcome back, Whitney. What have you done with Shailene? I don't recognize this gorgeous supermodel on my doorstep."

I roll my eyes and scoff at Aunt Tiff's compliment, "Yeah, right. I look nothing like a supermodel. Besides, I'm five-six, and it's a common rule that all supermodels are like six feet tall." Height factor aside, I am still no supermodel. Mom looks more like a supermodel than me, but factually Denae has the most potential. She's five-foot-eight with perfect creamy skin, defined cheekbones, well-proportioned facial features, and a Colgate-toothpaste smile. She has the same dark brown eyes that Dad has, and the same black hair from our Native American heritage. My hair is a few shades lighter than Denae's, like Mom's, with naturally honey brown highlights. My eyes are brown, but not the same exotic ebony color that Denae's are, more of a wet-mud or melted chocolate. I think my eyes are spaced just a tiny bit too far apart, and my nose is a bit too rounded at the tip, but that doesn't mean I hate myself or think I'm ugly. I'm just no supermodel.

"Shut up!" I hear Denae's bossy voice from behind the doorway before she side-steps Mom and squeals loudly at the sight of me. "Oh my God, what are you talking about? You are a total _babe!_" Denae tugs on the ends of my wind-tousled curls and comments, "Your hair got so long, and you're _tan!_ I'm so jealous." She sighs before pulling me in for a tight squeeze, which I return just as enthusiastically. "I missed you so much, Shay."

"I missed you too," I repeat, taking a good look at my older sister now that we're in person and not on a computer screen. She got her hair cut recently; it used to be four-inches past her shoulders and now it hangs an inch or two below her ears. The look is different, but it suits her well, and draws attention directly to her pretty face. Her face has thinned out some too, and she looks a little more grown up. She did turn twenty this May, but still it's a strange thing to realize my sister is growing up.

"Where's my Levi James?" Mom asks in a sing-song voice after she presses a kiss to Denae's cheek. She is smiling expectantly as she waits to be pointed in the direction of Denae's three-year-old son Levi, whom we all call LJ for short.

"He's in the kitchen with Embry," Aunt Tiff supplies the answer Mom was looking for, "I don't think anything could distract those two boys from their dinner." Mom and Tiff laugh as they head into the kitchen.

"She's not kidding," Denae tells me, "I swear, Embry has grown like four inches in a month. I don't know what she's feeding him. He and I used to be the same height, and he's like six feet tall now."

"No way," I challenge, thinking Denae must surely be exaggerating. Embry and I are practically the same age; he was born December 21, 1989 and I was born January 3, 1990, so we're both sixteen at the moment. When I left La Push last year with Mom, right after Embry and I finished our freshman year of high school, Embry was only an inch taller than me. It's surprising that he could grow nearly half a foot in a little over a year when I haven't gotten any taller at all. I guess I have grown in other places though; last year, I wore a B-cup bra, and now I'm a full C, so that's an achievement. I think my boobs might even be bigger than Denae's now.

"Yes way," Denae argues. She gestures at the dining room table as she says, "See for yourself."

Sure enough, Embry is scarfing down the last of his fish, rice and veggies as we enter the room, his tall, lean body towering over the table. "Oh my God, Embry!" I exclaim when I see him, not able to contain my shock at his new appearance. Besides the height he gained, he also seems to have filled in a little in his arms and chest, like he's been working out or something. His wavy brown hair used to be almost my length, but he's cut it to somewhere around Denae's, which is still long but a different look for him. He almost looks like a completely different person.

Embry's brown eyes pop open wide with surprise, and he drops his fork to his plate with a clatter. "Shay...Aunt Whit, when did you get here?" He smiles widely and stands to hug us both, Mom a bit awkwardly since she has pulled LJ from his booster seat and is covering his face with kisses.

"Oh, about two minutes ago," I say as I stretch up on my tippy toes to hug him around his shoulders. "When did you get so damn tall?" I ask in a teasing tone.

Embry shrugs and shoots back, "When did you get so tan? You used to be like Casper the Friendly Ghost."

"Well, I guess that's what happens in places where the sun actually shines," I quip sarcastically. La Push might have a beach, but no one really goes there for tanning and the water is never actually warm enough to enjoy a swim in, so I guess I didn't notice how tan my skin became from so much time in the New York sun this summer. I guess that's another thing I'm going to miss about New York now.

"Shay-Shay!" I hear an impossibly cute voice call out my nickname before I'm tackled by my nephew, his arms wrapping around my upper thighs tightly as he tries to climb my body. Embry wasn't the only one who grew in our absence; LJ almost looks like a _kid _now and not a toddler. He must be close to three feet tall already, and when I lift him up, I swear he's got to be thirty-five pounds or more. He's a _big _boy! He's also the cutest boy I've ever seen, even if it might sound biased coming from his auntie. Levi has a golden tan almost as dark as Embry's russet skin-tone, dark brown hair that is soft as down, and eyes that are brown with rings of gray and flecks of green. He's going to be a complete heart-breaker when he grows up, I just know it.

"LJ!" I squeeze him tightly once I've lifted him to my chest, and his strong arms wrap around my neck. He smacks a wet kiss on my cheek and I tickle his chubby little belly before kissing both his cheeks, which have lost quite a bit of the baby chub that I used to love pinching. "You have no idea how much I've missed you, big boy!"

"I miss you, Shay-Shay," LJ replies smartly, his conversation skills at a much higher level since even his birthday on July 6th, which was only last month. "Is Mimi better now?" Mimi is the nickname LJ chose for Mom when he started talking. We tried 'Gramma' or 'Grammy' but he couldn't say the word, and what came out was 'Mimi'. After a while, Mom gave up trying to get him to call her Grammy because Mimi kind of had a nice ring to it. Besides, it seemed more special that LJ chose the name himself, whether he meant to or not.

"Yes Levi," Mom says, the only one out of us to call him Levi more often than LJ, "Mimi's better now."

Denae sends a skeptical look in my direction, one I hope Mom didn't see, but I pretend not to notice. I've got my doubts too on the current situation working out as smoothly as Mom would like it to, but it's her life, and we have to start letting her decide how she wants to live it. She has tried taking pills to keep away the alters, and they work, but she can't eat or sleep or function normally on them, and that's no more of a life than when she's not on medication. Mom would rather risk a hijack from one of her alters than be doped up on medication the rest of her life, and I honestly don't blame her. Yes, it means our lives are all going to be more complicated, probably forever, but that doesn't mean it will be all bad. And who knows? Maybe this time, the therapy worked, and maybe this time the alters won't come back. She's had moments before where it seemed like the alters left her mind, but they always returned...this time, maybe it will be different.

* * *

Mom had hoped that meeting with the real estate agent the day after returning to La Push and putting a bid on the house for sale would be the most difficult part of the process, and that everything after that would fall into place and we'd be living in our new home in under a week. Well, that didn't exactly go as planned. Mom put in a bid for the house at five-hundred under the asking price and was told her offer might not be good enough, but after waiting for a call-back for two days, she was told her offer was accepted. That was definitely good news, but the previous owners then pushed back their move-out date, and we were told we might have to wait a whole month before moving in. Mom was pretty pissed, and with all the extra stress on her shoulders, I was expecting an appearance from Felicia, or maybe even Brad or Whiney, but none of the alters showed up. Mom remained Mom, and for that I was grateful; especially when the real estate agent called back a few days later and said things were back on with the original date and we could move in August 12th.

That was two days ago, and the 12th is today, and we're all ready to move in except for one little thing...Our big, strong man who's supposed to lift the heavy furniture never showed up like he said he would. In fact, Embry's been gone since yesterday morning when he said he didn't feel good, and we haven't heard from him or seen him since. Aunt Tiff is doing a good job at hiding her fury, but I know Embry is in deep shit when he finally does return home.

"I'll call Sue and Harry," Tiffany offers once it's pretty clear Embry isn't going to be here to help, "Maybe they can come over with Seth and Leah and help us out for a while. Harry's truck has a big bed; it should fit most of your bigger items in just a few trips."

"If you're sure..." Mom agrees hesitantly, never liking to be the one to put somebody out. She already feels like a burden most of the time, so if she can avoid it, she won't ask anyone for help. The Clearwaters are a very nice couple though, and they only live a few houses away from Aunt Tiff's house. Sue Clearwater is one of Aunt Tiff's friends, and Denae and Leah have been close friends since before Denae dropped out of La Push High and got her GED. Tiff assures Mom it isn't a big deal asking close friends for a favor once in a while.

Fifteen minutes after making the phone call, Sue and Harry are pulling into the driveway in their truck, their son and daughter in the back. Leah is twenty, like Denae, and graduated high school a few years ago, but Seth is only fourteen, so his first year at La Push High hasn't even started yet. I've seen Seth a few times, but definitely don't know him as well as Leah. Even though Leah and Denae are best friends, Leah is pretty depressing and anti-social most of the time; she had a bad break-up with a boyfriend a few years back, and Denae says she's never been the same since.

"Hey Shailene," Seth greets, a light blush on his youthful face as he does so. I guess he must remember me from when I was in eighth grade and he sixth. I was the lead in the school's performance of The Nutcracker that year, the night that Mom's male-alter Brad came out and nearly beat up a fellow student of mine, thus making it impossible for anyone not to know my name. I shouldn't be surprised that he remembers me, but I am suspicious as to why. Hopefully he only remembers because of his sister and mine being so close. "Nice to see you back in La Push."

"Hey Seth," I return with a polite smile, "Thanks."

"So..." Seth looks around, "Where's Embry?"

Seth and Embry aren't friends, not really, but all the Quileute boys know one another; it's hard not to know everyone in La Push since it's so small. Besides, Embry's not even really Quileute, he's from the Makah tribe, like his mother and my father, but for some reason Tiffany moved to La Push when she got pregnant with Embry. Mom told me once she thinks Embry's father lived here, but Tiffany has never married, and Embry doesn't know his father, so it doesn't make much sense to me. Either way, Embry was raised in La Push and he's best friends with Quil Ateara V and Jacob Black, who are both Quileute. Seth is a cousin of Jacob, I believe, so they all know each other quite well.

"He's not here," I tell Seth with a shrug, hoping Aunt Tiff didn't overhear me talking about Embry's disappearance again.

"He's not going to be anywhere _but _here for a while once he shows his sorry face," Aunt Tiff spews from behind a box labeled 'Kitchen' as she catches my words coming out the front door. "You haven't seen him, have you, Seth?"

Seth shakes his head, clearing his throat awkwardly, "No. No, Ms. Call, I haven't. Not since Friday."

Aunt Tiff lets out an annoyed sigh as she asks no one in particular, "Where is that boy?"

Seth and I join Aunt Tiff in loading up Mom's car with boxes, while the Clearwaters, Mom and Denae work on packing the furniture in Harry's truck. When Mom's car is full, we fill up Denae's, and then we drive over to the new place to un-pack the first trip's load. The new house is a two-story, four-bedroom, two and a half bathroom home that has gray siding and a sky blue colored trim. Three of the bedrooms are upstairs, along with one bathroom, and the fourth bedroom is located downstairs. The kitchen is small but the dining room large, and the living room and dining room share an open floor plan, and there is a huge screened-in porch at the back of the house that Mom wants to turn into an art studio for herself. The backyard is nice too, and there's already a tire swinging hanging from one of the trees that LJ can play on. Mom thinks it's perfect, and I actually agree with her, for once.

After three trips total, we've managed to bring all of our items over to the new place, and the Clearwaters even stayed to help us set up the beds so we wouldn't have to sleep on the floor tonight. We are very grateful for their help today, and would not have been able to move in without them. I do feel bad for Embry though, because if he wasn't already in enough trouble for disappearing for two days, he's in even more trouble for missing the day he promised to help his Aunt Whitney move into her new house. Aunt Tiff swears he's not going to see the outside world until Graduation. All I hope is that he has a damn good excuse for his absence, that might be the one thing to save him.

* * *

On a Tuesday, a couple of weeks after settling into our new home and just one week before school starts, I wake up to the sound of 'A Little More Love' by Olivia Newton-John blaring through the speakers of the radio in the kitchen. I shoot straight up in bed with a startled gasp, praying that this doesn't mean what I think it does. I get out of bed as quickly as my half-asleep body can travel and stumble out into the hallway with bleary eyes. Denae and LJ's bedroom doors are both open, both of their beds unoccupied and neatly made, so they must have already left for the day. Bypassing both of their bedrooms, I hurry down the stairs and make my way to the kitchen, where I come to a screeching halt in the doorway at the sight before me; Mom is frosting a three-layer chocolate cake with intricate decals in white icing, a pink satin teddy that barely covers her bottom is all she is wearing, and she has giant curlers in her hair.

"No...no..." I breathe from the doorway, feeling as though I might wake up any moment and this will only have been a nightmare, because those three things can lead me to only one conclusion...

"Yes, yes," I hear Mom drawl in a Southern accent as she pauses in her decorating and turns to look at me through thickly-decorated eyes. Now that she has turned her face to me, I can see the pornstar make-up, as Mom calls it, and the obvious evidence that she was crying beforehand. She is smiling now though, unaware of how immensely disappointing it is for me to find her like this. "Golly, Shailene, don't look so happy to see me! It's only been..."

"Ninety-six days," I fill in for her as I glance at the calendar hanging by a magnet on the fridge, "Ninety-six wonderfully sane days without you or any of the alters, and now here you are. Why are you here, Fee?"

"I should think that'd be pretty obvious by now, Doll," Felicia says as she directs my attention to the calendar once more. That's when I really notice what today's date is. I groan in defeat and slump my weight against the door frame. "Today's Takoda's birthday, so I'm making a cake. This time, he's going to be back, I just know he is!" Felicia smiles so big it makes my cheeks hurt before she returns to decorating her cake.

I stare at Fee's back a few moments more and then retreat to my bedroom, where I embarrassingly have a small meltdown. I can't believe I forgot today is Dad's birthday. I can't believe I thought Mom would make it through Dad's birthday without being heavily medicated or letting one of the alters take over. I was so stupid, _so fucking stupid! _I actually thought Mom was better this time, and that lasted - what? Three and a half weeks?! We should never have left New York, I should never have listened to her when she said she was better, and the last place we ever should have returned to is La Push, Washington.

By the time I've stopped crying and cleaned up the small mess I made in my room during my temper tantrum, there's a timid knock on my door.

"Shailene?" It's Mom, but from just the one word I can't decipher whether it's actually Mom or still Felicia.

I approach the door and pull it open a couple inches, enough to see her face. I quirk up one eyebrow questioningly, waiting to see what she wants from me. I never know what to expect from Felicia since she has many faces for one alter. Felicia is usually the Beauty Queen from Texas who is constantly primping and beautifying herself and acting like a Southern Belle, but sometimes she's a man-eating seductress who sucks down cosmos like water and makes a drunken fool of herself, and lastly, on the rare occasion, she's a crazy revenge-seeking woman who just might come after you with a rusty potato peeler and try and take off your manhood. It really depends on the time of day...

"Shay, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened."

I sigh in relief when I realize it's Mom, actually Mom, and not Felicia. I open the door wider so that I can hug Mom when I tell her, "Oh, thank God. I wasn't sure how long Fee was going to be around for. Did you see that giant cake down there? I was afraid she was going to force me to eat it all once she realized Dad wasn't coming..."

Mom swallows thickly and blinks a few times, her eyes looking more green than usual since she's been crying. "I don't know what happened," She repeats her previous words, "I was fine this morning. I was fine, and then...then the next thing I know I'm wearing this ridiculous teddy, my make-up is done like a pornstar, and-and the whole kitchen is covered in flour." She presses her fingers to her temples and starts to rub out the tension headache that always accompanies a transition. "Why did this have to happen now? Things were going so well."

After an alter makes an appearance, Mom is always pretty down on herself, so I usually try and point out the positives of the situation, but I'm having a hard time being positive this morning. "Dad's birthday has always been a hard day," I remind her, "Not just for you, but for everyone. And at least you didn't lose a whole day. Fee was only here a couple of hours."

Mom frowns thoughtfully for a long moment before she brightens up. "You're right," She says with a smile, "I kicked Felicia out. I took control, just like Dr. Rivers has been telling me to, and it worked. I can control this, Shailene."

I don't want to feel so full of doubt when I told Mom she should feel good about herself, and she actually does feel confident in controlling her disorder, but I just don't see how she can control it. I mean, how can she control Felicia, or Brad, or Whiney, or whoever the crazed animal creature that used to destroy the house while we were asleep was when they all have minds of their own? They are all fractured pieces of her mind that have formed their own personas and lives and believe they are _real. _How can she ever fully have control of herself with the alters living inside her...and how can she ever fully get rid of them when they are pieces of herself?

"Are you sure you kicked her out?" I ask, testing her confidence, "Or did Fee hand over the reigns?"

Mom meets my eyes steadily as she ensures me, "I pushed her out, Shay, I felt it. I'm in control." She presses her lips together almost into a pout before begging, "Don't tell Denae about this, okay? I want to keep today between you and me because Denae will overreact, and it might only be an isolated incident. I don't want Denae to freak out and take Levi away from me again. Please, Shay?"

I know how much it hurt my mom to be so out of control before that Denae couldn't trust her with LJ. Felicia isn't bad with kids, unless she has a date or some other self-absorbed event to attend, like painting her nails. Felicia would be more likely of neglect than abuse. Brad on the other hand has the mind of a nineteen-year-old guy so he tends to get LJ in dangerous situations that could seriously injure him. Whiney is six, so she is definitely not allowed to watch LJ alone under any circumstances. A year and a half ago, the alters were making appearances almost daily, so Denae took LJ away from Mom completely. Mom was so upset that Felicia came out and tried to cut her wrists. I had to restrain her until Aunt Tiff and Embry could come over and help me calm her down. It was scary, and it was at that moment that we started looking for serious help, and we found it in the form of the intensive therapy program Mom had been attending up until the beginning of this month. I don't know yet if we were right or wrong in taking her out of that program, but I hope that we don't end up back where we started...

"All right," I regretfully pledge, "I won't tell Denae, or anyone else, that Fee was out today. But if things get worse, she needs to know. You know that right? And you can't lie to me, Mom. If you feel weird, if you wake up somewhere different, or you know you were hijacked, you _have _to tell me. No secrets with me."

"No secrets," Mom swears, linking her pinky through mine and pulling my hand up to her face to place a kiss on my pinky. I do the same to hers, a silly promise thing Denae and I made up when I was three and she was seven. We were always very close, and now I have to keep a secret from her. "Trust me, Shailene," Mom continues, almost like she knew what thoughts were weighing on my mind, "This won't happen again. Denae will never need to know, and you'll see in time it was no big deal."

I nod, hoping she is right, but feeling in my heart the reign of the alters isn't over yet.

* * *

**Please Review! I know Paul wasn't in this chapter yet, but he'll be in the next one, and it will be worth the wait ;) What did you think of Shay and her family?**


	2. 2 Shay and the Cray-Cray Train

_**Thanks to those of you who have started following, favorited, and reviewed the first chapter of this story! I'm happy to have the feedback and pleased that you guys seem to like Shay and her family so far. I try and write about things that I haven't seen on here before, so I hope this story will be original and enjoyable:)**_

_**Feedback is the greatest gift you can give a writer! Please review and let me know what you thought of the chapter.**_

_**Also, since I mentioned 1st chapter there were some changes to birthdays/dates of things; that is talked about at the very bottom of this chapter, if you care to know.**_

_**-BecomingScarlett**_

* * *

**Our Love Is Insanity**

**Chapter 2: Shay and the Cray-Cray Train**

As promised, I didn't tell Denae about the incident with Felicia on Dad's birthday, and now we're on our way over to Aunt Tiff's to celebrate Mom's 100-Days-Without-Transitioning. I don't feel right about the whole thing, celebrating something that hasn't even happened, and I can see that Mom is uncomfortable too with how stiff she's sitting behind the wheel of the car on the drive over. I offered to drive, but I still have my learner's permit, so she's not comfortable with me driving when LJ's in the car. Denae went to Aunt Tiff's early to help her start cooking dinner, while Mom and I watched LJ for a couple of hours.

"Mommy says we get cake!" LJ announces with a giggle from the back seat, "'Cause Mimi's been better for a hun'red years now!"

"A hundred days, Levi James," Mom corrects with a gentle smile, her gaze on the rearview mirror so she can see her grandson for a moment. "Don't forget, we have to eat dinner before we get dessert. You're going to eat all your dinner like a big boy, right, LJ?"

"Right, Mimi," LJ nods, throwing Mom a thumb's up sign. He's such a great little guy. I can't help feeling Denae is lucky to have such an easy-going, great listening son. She did a good job raising him, and I think even though our family is a little dysfunctional - _or maybe a lot _- we still give Levi the love and attention he needs.

"That's my boy," Mom grins. "What's on your mind, Shay? You're pretty quiet..."

"Hm?" I draw my eyes away from the window and shake my head as I explain, "Oh, no, I'm just thinking about school tomorrow. I hate first days, you know?" Today might be Mom's 100-Days-Without-Transitioning, _sort of_, but it's my last day of summer. Tomorrow I have my first day of Junior Year at Forks High School.

"Don't be nervous," Mom advices, "It'll be fine. You liked the school in New York, right? You had friends, and you were even on that, what was it, the glee squad or something?"

"Glee club," I mumble, "And that was different. I knew we were only staying for one year, so I could be anyone I wanted."

"You still can," Mom insists in an unusually optimistic tone, "You are sixteen years old, Shailene; you can be anyone you want to be." I roll my eyes and hope she doesn't continue, but she does, "When I promised you a fresh start this year, I meant from me too, Shay. I won't show up at your school as anybody but Whitney, okay? I promise you. And if you don't want me to come to something at your school, then I won't. I don't want you to...to feel like you _have _to invite me simply to keep the alters happy. You do have a life of your own, whether you believe it or not."

I think she planned it out so she'd have just enough time to finish her speech before pulling into Aunt Tiff's driveway, so that I wouldn't have the chance to argue her words. I have plenty to say, but I settle on, "Thanks Mom." Then I unclip LJ from his car seat and let him race me to the front door. I let him beat me, and he rings the doorbell before opening the door and announcing loudly, "I win!"

"We're in the kitchen, Levi!" Denae calls from down the hall before popping her head out of the doorway and waving, "Hey! Come in, we just pulled the chicken out of the oven."

I trail behind LJ and Mom, listening as Mom comments on how heavenly it smells in the house thanks to the delicious aromas of roasted chicken and buttery garlic mashed potatoes. Aunt Tiff is stirring the gravy on the stove-top with a metal whisk and Denae is taste-testing the potatoes. My stomach rumbles at the sight of Mom's, and also my, favorite meal. There's only one person missing from the equation, and I expected him to be here since he's been grounded the past couple of weeks.

"Where's Embry?"

"In his room," Aunt Tiff replies, "Sleeping."

"What?" I ask incredulously, looking at the clock on the wall, "It's after five; what's he still doing in bed? Is he sick?"

"No, just stupid," Tiff clarifies with a long sigh, "He was out all night again. I don't know what to do...he's not listening to me."

"Oh..." I respond when it doesn't seem like anyone else is going to, "Well...should I wake him up? He'll probably be mad he missed out on dinner."

"You can try," Aunt Tiff allows, "But I'll be surprised if you can wake him."

I accept the challenge, and ascend the stairs to the second floor, where Embry and Tiffany's bedrooms are located. I knock on Embry's, but there's no response, so I call out, "Hey Em, it's Shay. I'm coming in. Please don't be naked..." I turn the knob and push the door open slowly, peering into the room, which is dark since Embry's shades are down. The light from the hallway flows into the room and falls on Embry's sleeping face, but doesn't disturb him in the slightest, which I find kind of funny. I would have woken up by now, but he's always been a deep sleeper. I creep to his bedside before attempting to wake him again. "Embry, dinner's ready. Come on, get up. Don't make me jump on you..."

He mumbles in his sleep and rolls onto his side, putting his back towards me.

"Oh, you did not just do that," I say unapologetically, "Well, I warned you what would happen if you didn't wake up." I give him another brief moment to take my advice before launching myself on the bed and jostling him awake.

"What's going on?" Embry asks as he jumps up, sending me flying to the floor at his feet, "What's happening?" He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and then realizes it's only me, "Oh. Shay. What's up?" He stretches out a hand to help me back to my feet and I give him the stink eye as I rub at a sore spot on my hip that is sure to be bruised tomorrow. "Sorry," My cousin shrugs, "I guess you shouldn't come flying in here like a..."

"What?" I interrupt, "A monster?" I point and laugh, "I can't believe I actually scared you. Look at you, Em; big, tall Embry Call is scared of monsters popping out from under his bed." I break off into giggles.

"Shut up," Embry shoves my shoulder as he denies, "I am not."

"Aw," I tease, "Did I hurt your wittle feewings?"

Embry sighs and turns away from me, reaching for a clean T-shirt from his half-open dresser drawer and pulling it over his head. He tugs at the bottom of the shirt, because it looks a bit snug, but it doesn't stretch any. "You've got to be kidding," He murmurs to himself.

"What's the matter?" I ask, sitting on the edge of his bed as I watch him, "Did you grow _again? _Didn't you wear that shirt the day I got back from New York? It doesn't even fit...what the Hell? Embry," I frown, my mind jumping to an awful conclusion, "You're not on steroids, are you?"

Embry scoffs, "What? No way. God, Shay, you're worse than your sister. Just lay off, will ya?"

"All right, whatever," I relent, wondering what's got him in such a bad mood. "Jeez, I only came to wake you up for dinner. That's the last time I do that..." I roll my eyes and head for the doorway.

"Wait," Embry stalls me, "What time is it?"

"I don't know," I guess, "Like five-thirty."

"Shit!" Embry runs his hands through his hair and groans in frustration, "I've got to go."

"What are you talking about?" I ask in clear confusion. "You're grounded, remember? You can't go anywhere. Besides, Aunt Tiff is still pretty pissed about whatever you did last night."

"I'm sorry, Shay. Tell her I'm sorry, okay? But I...I don't have a choice," Embry explains cryptically, "I just have to be somewhere."

"Tell her you're sorry?" I repeat doubtfully. I shake my head, "She's never going to be okay with just that for an answer. She's going to want to know where you went and why I didn't try and stop you -"

Embry cuts in, "So tell her I wasn't here when you got up here, then." I've never seen him so angsty and rebellious. I wonder what's gotten into him, but there's really no way for me to stop him. He slips his sneakers on, opens up his bedroom window, and climbs out while I watch in shock. It's only a two-story home, but it's still a pretty tall drop to the ground. I lean out the window to make sure Embry is okay only to see he's already run halfway across the lawn and is headed for the woods. I don't understand what he's doing or why he's changed so suddenly, but it is almost as disturbing as Fee's appearance on Dad's birthday a few days ago.

When I re-enter the kitchen alone, Mom, Denae, Aunt Tiff, and LJ are seated at the table and ready to eat. I take my seat across from Denae and gesture towards the empty seat next to me as I explain that Embry won't be joining us for dinner because he's not actually home. Aunt Tiff is understandably upset, but she keeps her cool, and I'm almost envious of Embry in that moment. My mom is amazing, but if Denae or I pulled a stunt like this, Mom would be replaced by one of the alters for who knows how long and all our lives would be turned upside-down. I always feel guilty for thinking this way, though. It's not Mom's fault she is the way she is, and she does the best she can.

* * *

The Monday following Mom's 100-Days-Without-Transitioning celebration was September 2nd, or the First Day of School. I was glad that Mom kept her word and allowed me to transfer to Forks High, but I was nervous as hell that it had somehow gotten out who I am and who my mom is and everything would be exactly the same as it was at La Push High. Once I made it through the first day without being singled out, the rest of the week flew by. My fears had been for nothing; nobody at Forks High knew who Shailene Call was, and nobody really cared. I mean, sure, I was a bit of a novelty, being a new student and all, but I wasn't as talked about as the Senior who moved to Forks last January. Her name is Bella Swan, and she's the Chief of Police in Forks' daughter, and apparently when she first moved here everyone wanted to be her friend. Now, she's dating one of the most popular seniors, Edward Cullen, and she's envied by most of the teenage girls who live in Forks and the surrounding area. I'm kind of glad she got here first, because I don't want all that popularity and drama. I just want to be normal.

"Hey, you're Shailene, right?"

I look up from my History book at the sound of my name and meet the cool blue stare of a sandy-haired blonde. She is standing behind one of the vacant chairs at the library study table I'm doing my homework on, a mischievous grin on her bubblegum pink lips. She slaps a blue notebook on the table and slips into the chair, quickly opening her notebook and pulling out a pen.

I take note of her suspicious actions as I correct, "Shay; my mom's the only one who really calls me Shailene. But yeah, that's me."

"Shay," She nods, "Cool. I'm Kate. We have Spanish and History together."

"Oh yeah," I recall as she mentions it.

Just then, one of the librarians notices Kate's arrival and glances at a clipboard. Kate nudges my foot with hers under the table and whispers, "I was here the whole time, I was here the whole time." I'm aware of the school's policy on detention for skipping assigned study hall, so I inconspicuously nod my head.

"Miss Ferguson," the librarian calls her out by name, so she must be a repeat offender, "Did you sign in with us this period?"

"I, uh..." Kate puts on an innocent face, "I don't remember. Did I sign in when you did, Shay?"

My cheeks heat up as I lie, "I thought you did, you were right behind me."

"Are you sure?" The librarian asks me. I nod as I try to hold her gaze to appear truthful. She buys it, "All right. Well, you didn't sign in Miss Ferguson, so please remember to do that or you just might get detention next time. Go put your name on the list please." She points to the sign-in desk and Kate follows her directions.

I wasn't expecting Kate to return to my table afterwards, but she does. She smiles gratefully, "Thanks, I owe you one!"

"Oh, it was nothing," I shrug nonchalantly, all the while hoping this doesn't come back around to bite me in the ass. Watch, Kate was really dealing dope in the parking lot and the school caught her on camera and now they're going to consider me an accomplice for covering for her and we're both going to get arrested...

"I have gym before this period, and I can never get here on time," Kate explains, even though I didn't ask her to, "Not to mention, my gym teacher is the only one on the faculty who thinks you're not trying hard enough if you aren't covered in sweat. So, of course, we're expected to sweat our asses off for forty-three minutes, and then change back into our clothes in two-minutes and not feel gross the rest of the day. Sorry, but no. I take my time, and Mr. Pig-Head refuses to give me late passes, so screw 'em. I do what I want."

After hearing the explanation, I don't see too much wrong with what Kate did. "That's not fair," I comment on her gym teacher's logic, feeling lucky to have been assigned to a different teacher than her, "My teacher gives us almost ten minutes to change."

"Well, mine is a moronic bastard," Kate states matter-of-factly. "Hey, are you going to try-out for cheerleading?"

I'm a little surprised by her question since Kate doesn't seem like the cheerleading type. She has pink, spiky gauges in her ears, and usually wears one of two crazy pairs of black biker boots, sometimes paired with leggings and a pink or purple tutu. Kate is very...original. It's refreshing to see someone like that around here. I thought when I left New York that'd be the last I saw of clip-on hair and galaxy pants for a while, but Kate has those very items on today.

"Uh..." I give her question a quick thought before confirming, "No. Why?"

Ignoring my question, she asks, "One more thing: Do you think Edward Cullen is the sexiest guy you've ever laid eyes on?"

"What?" I ask in exasperation. I sit there with my mouth hanging open for a moment while I picture Edward's face, and then the various faces of other sexy guys I've seen in my life. "Are you kidding me? Absolutely not."

Kate's eyes light up in amusement and she fist-pumps the air, announcing to everyone in the room and no one in particular, "Yes! I knew it! Sane people do still exist!"

"Shh," I shush her, before any of the librarians come back over and kick us out, "You're going to get us in trouble."

"Sorry," Kate giggles, apologizing to both me and the annoyed librarian, "Sorry. It won't happen again." Quieter, she says to me, "You seem like a cool girl, Shay."

"You do too, Kate," I smile, feeling for the first time since starting school here that I might have made a friend.

* * *

On a Tuesday the third week of school, I am over Aunt Tiff's watching LJ while Denae and Tiffany work at the souvenir shop down on First Beach. Aunt Tiff is the day manager, and she has been for at least ten years now, so it was pretty easy for her to secure Denae a job once Levi was a few months old. Denae's been there ever since, and she's happy with the money, but she's been looking at options for her future and thinking about going to nursing school. Anyways, while I was at school, Tiff was home with LJ, and then when I got here after school Aunt Tiff left for work. Denae is due home in a few hours, so I'm doing my homework while LJ naps.

Just as I'm finishing up my trigonometry homework, Embry comes in loudly through the front door, closing it behind him with a bang. He doesn't realize until he sees me gesturing wildly from the couch to be quiet that LJ was napping, and by then it's too late. The damage is done, and I can hear LJ wailing from the den down the hall.

Embry shoots me an apologetic wave as he excuses his loud entry, "Sorry, I didn't know he was asleep." He then slips his backpack off his shoulders and tosses it onto the unoccupied love seat that is the same denim blue color as the couch I'm sitting on.

I shrug off the apology and place my math notebook and worksheets on the coffee table on my way to LJ's pack-and-play. He stands when he sees me and holds his arms up to be lifted out of his padded baby jail cell, as I like to call it, and I oblige. "Hey there, Mr. Sleepyhead. How was your nap?" I coo as I ruffle LJ's mess of brown hair. He rubs at his eyes, and I question, "Did Uncle Embry scare you when he came through the front door like a stampede of elephants was chasing him?" Embry would technically be LJ's second cousin, or some complicated bologna, but Denae thought with how small our family is and how close we are that dubbing him uncle would make things simpler.

At the mention of elephants, his favorite animal, LJ rewards me with a little giggle. "Embry is home?" He wonders, pointing towards the living room. Then he asks, "Mommy home from work yet?"

"Embry's home," I confirm, "But Mommy's not here yet." LJ pouts and I quickly console him, "She'll be home soon, sweetie. Want a snack?" Levi nods and I carry him to the kitchen. Halfway there he slips out of my arms to see what his Uncle Embry is up to, and I let Embry occupy him while I cut up some apples and scoop peanut butter into a bowl for a snack.

While LJ is eating the apples with peanut butter, I complete my last remaining math problem so I can put my homework away. Embry found himself a snack, after complaining I didn't get something for him too, like I was babysitting him as well as LJ, and is quietly eating next to the three-year-old. Embry finishes first, which is not surprising, and then says he has to get ready for some 'celebration' that he won't tell me about. While I'm wondering what kind of secret celebration Embry would be invited to, Denae walks through the front door.

"Hello family," She greets as she kicks off her shoes, "Hi my beautiful baby sister." She pokes me on the nose as she walks past me to get to LJ, "Hi my beautiful son!" She pulls him out of his booster and kisses him twice on each cheek and once on his perfect little nose.

I eye Denae suspiciously, wondering what she's on and who slipped it into her drink. "Yeah...Sis," I drag out the words slowly, "Hello to you to. Why are you so..._weird _right now?"

Denae settles LJ on her hip and turns to face me with a big grin as she announces, "I made a huge decision today and I'm happy, that's all."

I fill in the blanks myself and test my theory, "You registered for nursing school?" Denae's smile gets even bigger, revealing nearly every one of her perfectly white teeth, and she bobs her head up and down. "Congrats, Dee!" I throw my arms around both her and LJ.

"Thanks Shay."

"What are we celebrating?" Embry asks as he comes back, freshly changed, from his bedroom.

"Denae is going to be a nurse!" I tell him proudly.

"That's great, Denae," Embry comments.

"Thanks," Denae says, dropping a wiggling Levi to the floor. She notices Embry looks like he's getting ready to leave, and pries, "Where are you off to? You're still grounded..."

"I'll be grounded for the rest of my life with the way my mom is doling out punishments," Embry complains, "You wouldn't really tell her I left, would you? I'll be back before she's home from work. I've covered for you before -"

"Okay, okay," Denae silences him, "I won't tell her. But where are you going?" She is definitely nosier than I am. She wants all the facts, and she'll bug a person to death unless they give them to her straight.

"Some secret celebration," I supply in a mocking tone, trying to sound like Embry did when he said it to me.

"It's a party, by the beach," Embry elaborates, "All of my friends are going."

"What kind of party happens on a Tuesday?" Denae asks skeptically.

"I don't know," Embry answers in such a teenage guy way, "A last minute one?"

I am standing behind him now, both of us facing Denae, so I jokingly gesture that I've got my eyes on Embry. Then all of a sudden Denae is all, "Well, I think you should take Shay with you." And Embry's like, "Take Shay with me? Why would I do that?" Which is offensive, but I don't want to go to the stupid secret celebration anyways, only Denae is insisting, "Yes, take Shay, Embry, or I won't let you go at all." That, of course, causes Embry to say, "Fine."

Wait a minute.

"What?" I ask indignantly, "Who said I want to go? Maybe I have plans? Why don't you go?" I point at Denae, thinking that she's the one who brought it up in the first place so she should go. "I'll bring LJ home and babysit."

"No way," Denae denies my offer, "Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. I just got out of work, I'm tired, and I miss my baby boy. I'm not going anywhere. You, on the other hand, have been in school over two weeks and I don't see you doing anything but homework. You need to go out and do something."

"Well, I'll go for a walk," I negotiate.

Denae gives me one of those looks that us women do so well; the cut the shit and do what I say look. She always tries to use the older sister card, but I've taken care of her too many times in the past to take her seriously most often. Denae makes one last argument, "Come on, just go for a little while. You can make sure Embry gets back by seven. Besides, I'll be starting nursing school next week and you'll be babysitting a lot more, so you won't be able to go out when you want to."

She does have a point, I have to admit. "You suck," I point out. Eventually, I find myself saying the same thing Embry did after arguing with Denae; "Fine."

* * *

Amongst the guests at Embry's strange secret celebration are the Clearwaters, including Leah and Seth, Jacob Black and his father Billy, Quil Ateara and his grandfather, Quil Ateara the third. There are others too, some that I remember from La Push High, and others that I don't recognize at all. I swear, they all look surprised to see Embry brought someone with him, and I whisper to Embry that I shouldn't be there. He doesn't have an answer for me, but Sam Uley, who was in Denae's year in school, seemed to have heard what I said and tells me I'm welcome to stay. Apparently, Embry and I are late and we missed the food, which Embry is upset about, but we're just in time for the bonfire to be lit.

"What are you doing here, Shay?" Leah asks me, but it comes out as more of a demand. I'm used to her constant bad mood by now, though, so I don't let it bother me.

"Denae made me come with Embry," I answer simply, only then noticing that Embry has abandoned me and sat next to Jared Cameron, who I don't remember Embry being friends with. "But apparently he doesn't want me here anymore than I want to be here..." I didn't mean to say that out loud and I look over at Leah and Seth before smiling sheepishly.

"Aw, don't worry about him," Seth tells me, "No one minds that you're here. I don't really know why we're here, either. Neither does Leah, but she likes to pretend she does."

"Shut up, Seth," Leah mumbles under her breath. Leah looks like she'd also rather be anywhere but here, and I wonder what her reason is. She nudges Seth to scoot down on the log they are using as a bench and pats the empty space between them. "Have a seat, Shay."

"Thanks," I tell her gratefully, shooting Embry a pointed look for ditching me, which he ignores.

The strange thing is, Embry isn't only ignoring me; he's ignoring Jake and Quil too, and they are his best friends. The only two people he's been paying any attention to at all are Sam and Jared, and don't think it hasn't been making me wonder if they're the reason he's been in so much trouble at home. Sam may have been polite enough to tell me to stick around, since Embry brought me here, but that doesn't mean I trust him. Sam has always been older and a bit intimidating, but something has changed about him that makes him seem even more threatening than usual. Jared, on the other hand, is obnoxious and loud and brings trouble wherever he goes, something Embry used to steer clear of. Why is he choosing to befriend those two?

Despite the warmth the bonfire gives off, and the fact that it's only mid-September, I start to get cold when the sun goes down. I didn't get dressed this morning expecting to be on the beach this evening, so I have on a jean mini-skirt and red button-up, three-quarter sleeve flannel with a white camisole underneath. I cross my arms around my mid-section to keep warmer, and try not to think about the goosebumps that break out over my skin each time the cool breeze blows by.

Embry, who I didn't think was paying any attention to me, tosses his car keys into the sand by my feet and orders me to, "Go get a sweatshirt from my car." When I ask him if he thinks I'm his personal assistant or something, he clarifies, "For _you._"

"Oh." I say slowly, finally putting it together that he's trying to be nice, "Thanks."

I fish the keys out of the sand and twirl the keychain around my fingers as I walk the trail back to the spot where Embry parked. It takes a few minutes of digging around, because for some reason Embry has an awful lot of clothes in the backseat of his car, but I finally locate a forest green colored sweatshirt and slip my arms into the sleeves. I am glad Embry buys clothes that actually fit him, not that are three sizes too big, because the already too loose sweatshirt would probably not fit at all. I adjust the sleeves and zip it up before turning back towards the beach.

When I hear what sounds like sneakers on the gravel, I glance behind me. What I see startles me so much that I stumble over my own two feet and nearly face-plant into the sand, but thankfully I manage to catch myself with my hands. I quickly straighten up and search around for somewhere to hide, but short of hurling myself over the sand dune or running for the woods, there is no where to go. I let out a puff of annoyance and stuff my hands in the pockets of Embry's large sweatshirt as I wait for the inevitable to happen. It is seriously just my luck to be dragged out to a party I never wanted to attend and wasn't invited to, only to have matters made worse by _him _showing up. I hurry my pace to get back to the bonfire before he catches up to me.

"I should have stayed home," I whisper inaudibly to myself, "I knew I should have stayed home."

"Hey," I hear from behind me, the voice deeper than I remember it, "I think you dropped these…"

I realize he must be referring to Embry's car keys when I don't feel them in the pocket of the sweatshirt, where I shoved them only a minute ago. I could kick myself for being so clumsy; I'm never clumsy, but one glance in _his _direction and all of a sudden my knees turn to jell-o. What a joke. I steel myself before turning around to meet his stare, prepared for the inevitable moment when he realizes it's me and opens his stupid, big mouth. This moment here is the exact reason I didn't want to go back to La Push High…

Only, the moment doesn't play out the way I thought it would. When I turn and meet his dark-eyed gaze with my own, I freeze. My eyes widen ever-so slightly and my breath gets caught in my throat. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact I'm chewing a piece of gum I stole from Embry's car, my mouth would probably be hanging open right now. It isn't his good looks that's got me standing still as a statue, because he's always been one of La Push's cutest guys, and it's not that he's changed so much in the past 15-months I don't recognize him, but he has _changed. _Like Embry, he now stands at over six-feet-tall, and his lean-muscled body has been replaced with the long, rounded muscles of a pro-wrestler; _seriously! _That's not the most surprising part. No, the most surprising thing about him is that instead of the usual cocky, shit-eating grin being plastered to his face, he's staring at me like I'm the most fascinating creature he's ever laid eyes on…like he doesn't even know me at all. His stare is so intense, I take a step backward to put some distance between us. A small frown appears in the middle of his forehead at the same time a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, and I am almost positive he's going to say something stupid now.

"Hey," He greets, his smile expanding into a decidedly friendly and not mocking in the slightest grin. I'm wondering what happened to him while I was gone that made him so _nice _when he opens his mouth and ruins it by saying, "I'm Paul."

_I knew he was going to say something stupid. _I raise my eyebrows in a 'no shit, really?' sort of way, while I wait for him to laugh and crack a dumb joke about me riding the crazy train. That was always his favorite, the one about 'Shay and the cray-cray train' - cray-cray train being my mother. He always thought he was so friggin' amusing, like making fun of someone for having an identity disorder was cool or something. I guess I was the only one who never thought it was cool. When Paul doesn't laugh, doesn't make any other indication that he's joking, I realize he must be serious.

I scoff, "Wow, you're not even kidding…" Then, I snatch Embry's car keys from his fingers and storm off.

"What do you mean?" Paul asks in confusion, "Wait; where are you going?"

I ignore him as I walk quickly towards the glowing bonfire, my face twisted up in a scowl as I try and figure out why it makes me so angry that Paul doesn't remember me. I should be jumping for joy! I mean, this is what I wanted; a fresh start in La Push without any of the old rumors or jokes weighing me down. Well, Paul was a big weight, and it looks like I'm free of that now. If Paul doesn't remember 'Shay and the cray-cray train', then who the hell else is going to? He's the one who made it up! But it does bother me that he doesn't remember, because it means that he not only forgot the bad things he said and did to me, but the good things too.

I toss Embry his keys while he's not paying attention, but he catches them anyways. "I'm leaving," I state.

"I'm not ready to leave," Embry says, looking like he might argue with me about it.

"I didn't ask you, did I?" I say with a bit of an attitude, "I'm just telling you that I'm going."

Embry stands as I walk away and calls after me, "Why? What happened? How are you gonna get home, Shay?"

"I'll walk!" I exclaim, cursing Embry in my mind for yelling out my name right as Paul walked within ear-shot. I see the look of surprise followed by understanding cross his face as he figures out why I dissed his 'introduction'. _Yeah_, I feel like saying to him, _that's right! It's me; Shay! What do you have to say now, Lahote?_

Surprisingly, Paul does have something to say, "I can drive you…if you want."

I stop to glare at him, this time my mouth falling open in shock because I just don't get why he thinks I'd go anywhere with him. "Uh, no thanks!" I shake my head at him as I continue walking, trying to picture myself in a car with Paul Lahote and not being able to come up with an image. The fact that he asked me even after being unable to recognize me is what bugs me the most. Did he ask because he felt bad for being such a big-headed, self-centered jerk who didn't remember who I was? Or did he ask because he's so full of himself that he thought he could somehow talk his way into my pants? Because either of those reasons are unacceptable, and even though I keep telling myself it doesn't matter what his reason is, part of me wants to march back there and demand to know what it is about me that is so _forgettable _and why he thought he could make it all right with one stupid smile!

It only takes twenty minutes to walk from the beach to the new house, and I have to thank Denae for remembering to bring my backpack home with her and LJ otherwise I'd be heading over to Aunt Tiff's right now to get it. I kind of wish I had made Embry leave with me so he could have driven me home, and so I'd know he was at home and not out with friends which is most likely going to get him in more trouble. Hopefully he has the sense to get home before his mom gets out of work. LJ is sleeping and Denae is in the shower when I get home. I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich and take it out to the screened-in porch where Mom is painting a picture of autumn leaves floating down a river.

"That looks really nice, Mom," I compliment as I study the painting from behind her, "I like the blues and greens in the water. You really made it look like the river is moving and flowing."

"Thank you," Mom says as she leans back to view it from the angle that I'm seeing it. "I'm almost finished, but it still needs some work." She removes her eyes from her work as she shifts in her seat to look at me. "Where were you? Denae said you went to some party with Embry."

"Yeah," I shrug one shoulder lazily, "I guess. It wasn't really much of a party though, if you ask me. I didn't want to go either but Denae made me. She said I have no friends."

"Well…" Mom reaches out with a paint-smeared hand and tries to place it on my knee, but I fidget away from her until she notices the paint. "Oh, sorry, honey." She picks up a rag and wipes her hands off as she continues, "Denae worries about you, Shailene. She thinks you're too serious for your age and you don't spend enough time just having fun. She wants you to do all the things she didn't get a chance to do because she was taking care of a baby."

"Mom, I do have fun," I insist, even as I'm realizing that's not exactly true, "And I don't need either of you worrying about me."

"Well, we do," Mom informs me. "We worry about you a lot, Shailene."

I finish my sandwich and wash the few dishes in the sink before saying goodnight to Mom and heading up to bed. I'm tempted to knock on Denae's door and tell her about the weird celebration Embry took me to, especially the bizarre moment where Paul tried to introduce himself to me since Denae is like the only person who knows about the dumb crush I had on him when we first moved to La Push. In the end, I decide not to talk to her about it, because I feel silly. If I say anything about Paul to Denae she'll just assume I still have feelings for him, and the last thing I need is her bugging me about some four-year-old crush that I got over a _long _time ago. I change into my pajamas and pull out the book we're supposed to be reading for English. I try for the third time to get into the first chapter, but all it does is put me to sleep…where I dream about Paul and his new muscles and his stupid, _stupid _mouth.

* * *

**Timeline for this story: At this point in the story, it is September 2006, and Bella just celebrated her 18th birthday. The Cullens leave Forks days after her birthday party, so the celebration that Embry was forced to take Shay to was when the Quileutes celebrated the Cullens leaving Forks for good (according to them). **

**That also means that at this point in the story, the only boys who have phased into wolves are: Sam, Jared, Paul, and most recently Embry. [I figured out approximately when each would have phased for the first time and made up the ones that weren't clear, so if you really want to know the dates, these are them: Sam Uley phased for the first time on April 25, 2004 at age 18, Jared Cameron was next on July 24, 2005 at age 16, Paul Lahote on September 2, 2005 at age 17, and Embry phased on August 11, 2006 at age 16 - the day Whitney, Shay and Denae move into their new home] So, as you can see, I changed Jared and Paul's ages to make them a little bit older. I don't think it will really make anything else with the story different, but it's just FYI:)**

**If you have any questions, please ask:) **

**& Please Review! Your feedback means everything to me:) Also, what did you guys think of the imprinting moment? I wanted to make it a little different...how did I do? There will definitely be more Paul next chapter.**


	3. 3 What Is Normal Anyway?

_**Thanks for reading & reviewing/following/favoriting this story last chapter! I appreciate the love & feedback(: **_

_**Hope to see more followers this week, and make sure to leave me a review and say hello ( : I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far. **_

_**FYI: There are pictures up on my photobucket of Shay & her family, so check that out – The link is on my profile page. **_

_**-BecomingScarlett **_

* * *

**Our Love Is Insanity **

**Chapter 3: What is Normal Anyway?**

The Saturday following Denae's announcement of registering for nursing school, she has an orientation of sorts to attend where she'll get a chance to tour the school, meet her teachers, and learn more about the course schedule. She almost decided not to go, because Mom has her first day of work today too, and Denae wasn't sure I could handle LJ by myself for six hours. I told her indignantly that she was being ridiculous and of course I could watch my own nephew alone for that long, so she reluctantly agreed to go. My concern, on the other hand, is Mom; I'm worried that she's doing too much already without adding in a part-time job, and now there's that stress to pile on top of everything else…I don't know how much more she can handle. It's been a little over three weeks since Felicia hijacked Mom on Dad's birthday, and I can't decide whether it's an achievement that Mom has made it this long without another transition, or a sign that bad times are just around the corner. I'm really hoping it's the first scenario.

As I'm drizzling syrup over the French toast sticks I made LJ for breakfast, Mom appears in the doorway of the kitchen holding up two blouses for me to view. "Which one, Shay – blue or black?" She holds the blue short-sleeved, button-up, scoop-neck blouse in front of herself first, and then the black button-up, collared blouse second.

I study both for a moment before answering, "Blue. You look really nice, Mom."

She's wearing khaki-colored skinny-fit pants with black ankle-boots, and her hair is styled neat and straight and parted down the middle. Mom applied minimal make-up; just enough to brighten her face but remain professional. Once she's changed into the blue blouse I chose for her, she shows me the end result and I nod approvingly.

"Thanks for your help, sweetie," Mom says to me, planting a kiss on my forehead. She catches LJ's attention as she reaches behind his chair to grab her purse hanging on the hook on the wall, and she asks him, "How does Mimi look, Levi? She has her very first day of work today."

"You look pretty," LJ compliments with a bashful smile. "Where you working? With Mommy and Auntie Tiff?"

"No, Mimi got a job at the photography studio," Mom explains as she digs through her purse for the car keys, "But it's close to Mommy and Tiffany's work. I'll be answering phone calls, and scheduling appointments, and printing pictures." Mom describes her duties in a light tone, and I know she's content with the low-end job because she's been out of work for so long, but what she'd really like to be doing is taking the portraits herself; or better yet, painting portraits in her own studio. But it is only part-time and it is only for now. Mom can still open her own studio one day, and I believe she will.

"Do you think you could drop me and LJ at the park on your way?" I ask Mom before she goes. It's a beautiful morning, and it would be a waste to spend it all cooped up inside. Plus, I kind of already promised LJ we'd go to the park after breakfast…

"I would, Shailene, but I don't think I'll have time to drop you off and not be late." Mom looks contemplative for a moment before she tells me, "Call your cousin and ask him. He's got nothing better to do."

She's right. Embry is still grounded, and Aunt Tiff told me if I need a ride somewhere to ask him. I haven't seen him since Tuesday, so I still don't know if he made it home in time to avoid the wrath of Tiffany Call, or if this weekend is another extension of his never-ending punishment. I shrug, "All right. I'll call him. Thanks anyways, Mom. Have a great first day!"

"Thanks, I will," Mom says with a confident grin before waving to LJ and leaving via the side door in the kitchen.

"All done!" LJ announces, holding up his empty plate for me to see. He ate all his French toast sticks and the cup of diced peaches I gave him for a side. I take the dirty plate from him and rinse it out in the sink before putting it into the dishwasher. Then I get a washcloth from the drawer under the kitchen sink and wet it with warm water to wash LJ's sticky fingers. When he's all clean, I let him climb down from his booster seat, and he runs to the door to put on his sneakers while he says, "We're going to the park now!"

I laugh at his eagerness and point out down at my pajamas while I explain, "Auntie Shay still needs to get dressed, honey. Why don't you come upstairs with me and you can build me a block tower while I change? When I'm ready, we'll go to the park, okay?"

"Okie-dokey, pokey," LJ drops his light-up Cars sneakers to the floor and follows me upstairs.

After changing into my favorite pair of ripped jeans and a black t-shirt with the word 'DWEEB' proclaimed across the chest in bold white lettering, I pull my hair up into a messy bun and tuck a few stray curls behind my ears. I scribble some black eyeliner under my eyes and blot on some lip gloss before deciding I look decent enough for a play-date with my nephew. I reach for my cell phone on the nightstand and unplug it from the charger, quickly scrolling to Embry's name and pressing send. While I listen to it ring in my ear, I tap my fingers impatiently on the wooden nightstand. Finally, after what feels like forever, Embry answers the phone and I demand he come take LJ and me to the park at First Beach.

Surprisingly, Embry doesn't argue. He says, "Okay…I'll be there in ten minutes."

To which I reply, "What? Really? Okay!"

I tell LJ the good news, praise him on his awesome block tower, and then usher him back downstairs to put on his sneakers and mine. Then we find his bouncy ball, also Car-themed like his shoes, and bring it outside to the driveway to roll around while we wait for Embry to show up. True to his word, Embry arrives ten minutes after my phone call to him, and the two of us struggle with installing LJ's car seat in the cluttered back seat for another ten minutes before we're ready to leave.

"So…" I prompt once we're on the road, "What made you say yes?"

"It's my mom's day off," Embry answers, "So it was either this or sit home all day in my room and do nothing."

I gasp, putting my hand to my heart in mock-anguish, "Did you hear that, LJ?" I look back at my nephew, whose hazel-green eyes are wide and curious, "Uncle Embry is only _using_ us to get out of being grounded!" I shake my head at Embry and tease, "Shame on you, Embry Call."

"Shame, Uncle Embry," LJ repeats, shaking his little finger at Embry disapprovingly.

Embry rolls his dark brown eyes as he chuckles out, "Hey, I never said I wasn't excited. I love the park, and I don't mind taking Little Man anywhere he wants to go."

"Shay-Shay says I get an ice cream cone," LJ shares my secret, "If I'm good."

"Nice," Embry smirks at me, "Bribery is always a good trick when you're babysitting."

"Shut up," I laugh, nudging his arm with my elbow.

"You shouldn't distract the driver, Shailene," Embry says in a faux-disapproving tone, channeling my mother, "No wonder you don't have your driver's license yet."

"Hey, I'll have you know I am a _great_ driver," I correct, "And I haven't gotten my license yet because I don't have enough practice hours, _but_ Mom said I'll have it before Christmas. So there." I cross my arms and stick my tongue out at him childishly, which causes him to laugh.

"I still got mine first," Embry brags.

LJ shrieks just then from the back seat, pointing frantically and yelling, "I can see the park! I can see the park! It's right there! We're here! We're here!" He flails his legs around restlessly, his sneakers lighting up red and blue each time that he kicks the back of my or Embry's seat. He starts listing off everything he's going to do while we're here, "I get to slide, and swing, and climb, and run, and play ball, and build a sand castle, and…" The list goes on and on until Embry has chosen a parking space in the empty lot and cuts the engine, allowing me to unbuckle LJ from his seat and take him out of the car. I place him on his feet on the woodchip-covered ground of the playground and he runs towards the slide yelling, "Yay!"

Embry and I take turns playing with LJ; I push him on the swings, Embry kicks the ball back-and-forth with him, I help him climb the jungle gym, and Embry chases him around until he's tired out. All the while, the two of us carry on a conversation about this, that, and the other thing. Eventually, Embry asks me why I ran off Tuesday evening, and I inwardly groan because I knew it was coming.

"I just wanted to get home early," I make up a lame lie, "It was a school night, you know." Embry smacks his forehead with his palm and shakes his head, giving me a look that clearly says he doesn't believe my answer one bit. I suck my tongue against my teeth in an irritated manner, "Why does it matter why I left? You didn't want me there in the first place."

Ignoring my accusation, Embry takes a guess, "It's because Paul showed up, isn't it?"

My eyes snap to his in surprise. _How did he know that?_ "What? No…"

"Come on," Embry presses, "I know you don't like him, and you were fine up until he showed up. What did he say to you?"

"Nothing," I deny, not wishing to tell Embry about the awkward Paul moment at the beach, "I didn't talk to him at all. That's not why I left, Embry. I just didn't want to be there anymore. Okay? So, can we drop it?"

"All right," Embry shrugs coolly, "I'll drop it." After a brief pause, "So you're sure you didn't leave because of Paul?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I snap, "God, Embry, what is wrong with you?"

I notice he's looking past me as I send a glare in his direction, so I turn and follow his gaze. Again, my first thoughts are to hide when I see him, but my legs are frozen in place. My second thought is who actually runs on the beach, shirtless, in the middle-to-end of September? Like, who is he trying to impress? Friggin' Paul Lahote; who does he think he is? God's gift to women? Well, _maybe_ those abs were a gift from God, but everything else? I don't think so.

Embry's laughter interrupts my thoughts. He suggests, "Might wanna wipe your chin…You've got a bit of drool right there," as he points to my face, but I smack his hand away.

"Shut up!" I demand, swatting at his shoulder repeatedly. "I do not!"

"Fine, don't believe me," Embry teases with a shrug. Then he holds up his hand and waves – actually _waves_ – in Paul's direction.

"What are you doing?" I hiss out in a panic. I grab his arm and try and shove it back down to his side as I command, "Stop it!" He's too strong, though, and he doesn't listen to me. _Damn him. _

My cousin clearly thinks he's hilarious, because all he can do is laugh some more and comment, "What's wrong with you? If you didn't leave because of him Tuesday, then why do you care if I say hi?"

"Because…" I groan as I look over my shoulder, "I don't want him to come over here…"

"Too late," Embry voices my thoughts, a smirk on his lips.

I send him the meanest glare I can muster and mouth, "I hate you," to him before Paul is standing at my side, his skin shining with sweat from his run and making his muscles look extra big and sex-…_Oh my God, no! I will not think like that about Paul! He doesn't deserve it! _I shift away from Paul and look to where LJ is playing in the sandbox, thinking that it might be my only escape.

"What's up, Embry?" Paul greets before I feel his eyes shift to me, "Hey Shay."

I thought I was going to ignore him, but my mouth seems to have other plans, "Oh, so you do remember me." I roll my eyes and turn away some more, hoping he'll get the hint that I don't want to talk to him.

"Come on, you're not really mad about that," Paul says confidently, but when I deadpan his smirk falters. "Seriously? You've been gone like a year…and you look different now."

_I look different?!_ "No, I don't," I return, even as I'm consciously aware that right now I'm engaging him in conversation when I promised myself I wasn't going to get sucked in 'Paul-world'.

"You do," Paul insists, his gaze dropping down to check me out. I cross my arms over my chest and he looks at my face again as he continues, "Trust me."

_Trust him?_ He must be crazy. "I look exactly the same as I did before I left," I tell Paul stubbornly, even though I know some things have changed about my looks; I'm not going to let him be _right._ "You're the one who's different." Then, just so he can't argue, I saunter over to LJ and don't look back.

"Shay-Shay," LJ greets me with a gap-toothed smile, "See my castle?"

I nod, looking down at the sand mound he calls a castle, "That is so cool, LJ."

"Wanna help me?" LJ asks with an exaggerated pout. Denae doesn't like when he does this to get his way, but I can't resist him. He's just too adorable!

"Of course I do," I agree enthusiastically, taking a seat Indian-style in the sand beside him. I carve a door in the front of his castle and a few windows, describing them as I do. LJ puts a twig at the top and announces it is a flag. I suggest we build a moat, and LJ asks me what that is. While I'm explaining, a shadow crosses in front our paths, blocking the sun and distracting me.

_Paul._

"Who's the kid?" Paul wonders, not unkindly only curious.

"Who, me?" LJ points to himself as he frowns at the tall stranger standing over him, "I'm LJ."

"LJ?" Paul repeats questioningly.

"Levi James," I supply, not really sure why I'm explaining it to him, "LJ for short. He's my nephew. You know, Denae's son?" I raise an eyebrow, wondering if he remembers my sister seeing how he forgot about me.

"_This _is Denae's kid?" Paul asks incredulously, squatting down to get a better look at LJ, who is also looking back at Paul curiously. "No way! What's up, little man? My name's Paul."

Of course he'd remember Denae. She was the sexy junior when he was a cocky little freshman; he probably had the hots for her like every other guy at La Push High. Until she got pregnant, that is, and dropped out to get her GED before having LJ. And I was the stupid seventh grader with a giant crush that I hope he never e_ver_ knew about. I don't think he did. I mean, he was one of those 'I'm way too cool for you' guys that didn't even glace in my direction until I developed bigger breasts. Although by then he'd discovered that my mom has D.I.D. and decided to torture me for the next year, where after Mom promptly had her meltdown that led to us moving to New York, so it is probably a good thing he remembers Denae more than he remembers me. Still, I don't know why it bothers me so much...

"That's my Auntie Shay," LJ informs Paul in a loud whisper, but I pretend not to hear because he always gets angry that he can't whisper quietly. Plus, I'm pretty sure Paul is staring at me and I don't want him to get an even bigger head if I start blushing under his gaze.

"I know," Paul whispers back, his volume matching LJ's, "Shay's mad at me."

I concentrate very hard on starting a moat for my and LJ's castle and try not to smile as LJ sympathizes, "Oh no! Why?"

"Well, when Shay and I went to school together," Paul explains to my little nephew, "I don't think I was very nice to her." He must see me send an annoyed look in Embry's direction because he adds, "Okay, I was a big jerk."

"Did you say sorry?" LJ asks, still in that whisper of his, like he and Paul are having their own private conversation.

After a long pause, in which I think Paul was actually mulling over LJ's theory, Paul replies, "I don't think I ever did, little man."

"Well," LJ says seriously, "You have to say sorry when you aren't being nice. That's what my Mommy always says."

"Well, your mom is a pretty smart lady," Paul comments, "So maybe she's right."

Again, I send an exasperated look Embry's way, because he's chilling on the bench next to the sandbox like everything is peachy and he didn't just ruin our play-date by accidentally inviting Paul to join us. Wait a minute…He looks kind of…_smug. _Did he do this on purpose?! Oh my gosh, he totally did. He probably sent Paul a text to say we were at the park by First Beach. But why would he do that? Why would Paul show up? Okay; I'm being ridiculous. There's no way Embry told Paul to meet us here just so he could bug the crap out of me. _No way._

"Hey Shay?"

I reluctantly bring my gaze up to meet Paul's.

He half-shrugs as he tells me, "I really am sorry, you know?"

I stare at him with a bored expression on my face. _That's the best he can do? _I think of his apology. I think even LJ could come up with a better apology than that and he has a three-year-old vocabulary.

"For…" Paul continues when he realizes I'm unimpressed, "the other night, and for everything before that. I know you don't like me very much, but…I'm not as much of an idiot as I was in high school."

I press my hands together and wipe off the sand before cracking my knuckles as I break it down for Paul, "Okay. That's nice. And good for you for being sorry, but I didn't ask for an apology, and I don't really care how much of an idiot you are these days. I have more important things to worry about than what _you _think of me." I abruptly stand from the sandbox, dusting off my jeans as I do, and stalk over to the bench where Embry is sitting. To him, I say in a bossy tone, "It's time to go. We promised LJ an ice cream cone."

Before squealing in excitement at the mention of ice cream, LJ informs Paul, "Wow. Shay-Shay's _really _mad at you."

"Yep, kid, she sure is." Paul agrees with a sigh as he rises to his feet once more. He takes a few steps in the direction of the bench as he says to Embry, "Catch you later, Embry. You'll be at Sam's?" Embry nods ever so slightly. Paul looks to me next, his entire posture and expression softening, "All right Shay…I'll see you around."

I smile in amusement as I return, "I doubt that, but bye."

It's strange that he looks disappointed by my harshness…and it's also strange that I feel sort of bad about it after. _What is wrong with me?_

* * *

Monday morning as I'm getting ready for school, I hear a clatter from downstairs. I open my bedroom door a crack and listen for a moment to see if Mom needs help with anything, but I hear no other noises in the house. I open my mouth to yell down the stairs to her, but then I realize it is still pretty early, and I don't want to wake LJ on a day that Denae can sleep in. I decide to leave the door open while I finish my make-up in the mirror hanging above my dresser, just in case I hear any other suspicious sounds.

"Ohh!" I hear Mom's voice faintly from below, muffled by the space between us, but she's definitely distraught over something. "Oh, no! Ohh, noo, it's broken!"

As she gets louder, I realize her voice sounds oddly…_childish. _I watch my facial expression change from relaxed to panicked as I'm inches away from the mirror applying mascara. I jerk upright, quickly shoving the mascara brush back inside the bottle and twisting it close, and then I bolt out of my room and down the stairs, careful to keep my footsteps quiet. I make it down to Mom's bedroom in record time, and I push the slightly cracked door open without bothering to knock.

"Mom?" I call out; hoping I'm wrong and she'll be the one to answer. I don't see her in her bedroom, so I walk through to the bathroom as I repeat, "Mom? Are you okay?"

"Shaily?" A timid, high-pitched voice replies from behind the bathroom door, "Shaily…that you?" The door opens a crack, and one of Mom's wide, hazel-green eyes is shoved against the opening, along with her mouth as she whispers out to me, "I broke it, Shaily; I broke it!"

Inwardly, I snap; Mom said this wasn't going to happen, that she wouldn't transition again, that I wouldn't have to deal with this, and that she would be _**better!**_ I want to walk away, put my shoes on, grab my backpack, and wait for the school bus outside like any other normal high schooler. But do I get to do that? No. No, instead I have to look after my mother because her body is currently being inhabited by six-year-old that can't take care of herself or be left alone. And I have to do it while trying not to let my twenty-year-old sister who is sleeping upstairs figure out what is going on. _Story of my life!_

Outwardly, I put on sympathetic face and gently ask, "What did you break, Whiney?"

From what Mom figured out in intensive therapy with Dr. Rivers, Whiney is actually Mom – Whitney Branford – at age six. At least, that is what Dr. Rivers believes. That is why Whiney will respond to 'Whit' or 'Whitney' still, while the other alters will argue that they are not Whitney, but Felicia or Brad. Mom doesn't have brothers or sisters, and she hasn't spoken to her parents since she left home, so there isn't anyone to confirm that 'Whiney' was Mom's nickname, but she did try hypnosis with Dr. Rivers, which helped her delve into her past and explore some of the things that may have caused her to develop D.I.D., and during those hypnosis sessions, Whiney came out _a lot. _Whiney had many things to say about her 'Mommy' and 'Daddy', and Dr. Rivers believes those were Mom's parents, and their abuse led to the creation of the alters so that Whitney herself would be protected from the horrors of her reality.

"It was a accident!" Whiney blurts in her child-like voice, "I swear! I didn't mean to…" She pouts, slowly opening the bathroom door to allow my body to slip inside, and then she points at the sink. The contents of the medicine cabinet have been emptied into the sink, a bottle of lotion was cracked and exploded all over everything, and in the middle of it all is Mom's favorite necklace, the one Dad got her for their twenty-year wedding anniversary; the chain is snapped_._ "See?" Whiney says, her voice cracking as tears fill her eyes and she starts to cry, _loud. _

I turn to Whiney and shush her as I hug her to my chest, muffling her cries in the front of my T-shirt. I assess the situation while I soothe her, trying to figure a way out of this mess. As usual, I try and piece together what caused Mom to transition, and conclude that Mom probably broke the necklace by accident while putting it on, and then because it was the necklace Dad gave her two years before leaving us, she got overemotional and Whiney took over. Whiney usually makes an appearance when Mom is scared or really, really upset, and since nothing is frightening her…Well, I can connect the dots. First, Mom transitions to Fee on Dad's birthday, and now Mom transitioned to Whiney when Dad's necklace was broken; anything relating to Dad is so stressful for her that it's causing her alters to break free of her mind prison. I am struck with a bitter taste in my mouth when I realize how much I hate my father in this moment. He abandoned my mother, and I will never forgive him, _never_ forgive him for leaving her like this.

"It's okay, honey," I coo to Whiney, running my fingers through her long, dark hair, "We can fix it. Don't you worry, Whiney; Shaily's gonna bring it to the jewelry store and get it fixed. All right?"

Whiney sniffles, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands, like a small child would. She blinks a few times, her tears clearing up, and then a smile breaks out on her face as she asks, "Really? We can fix it? Can we go right now? I can go, too?"

That wasn't what I had in mind, but it's not like I can leave for school with Mom still Whiney-occupied. Denae would flip out, and not only that, I don't trust that she'll be able to handle this since it's been so long that she's witnessed an alter-outbreak. Mom is used to me taking care of her, and I am used to dealing with Fee, Brad and Whiney. I know what to do to calm them down, know what each of their likes and dislikes are, and I am so accustomed to the craziness that I don't know what I'd do even if Denae were to wake and send me off to school. How can I focus on that when I have my mother to deal with?

"Yeah," I agree, "You and me are going to drive to the jewelry store just as soon as you get dressed, and we'll get Dad's necklace fixed."

While Whiney runs off to finish getting dressed, since she was in a tank top and underwear when I got down here, I clean up Mom's bathroom so when she returns she won't have to clean up after Whiney. Mom hates cleaning up after the alters; she swears it's like having three extra children to trash her house and leave her messes. I put everything back inside the medicine cabinet and wipe up the lotion that oozed all over everything. Then, I find a small necklace box to put Mom's necklace in for the ride over to the jewelry store. I hope they'll be open, and I hope they'll be able to fix the necklace right away…I hope it _can_ be fixed.

When Whiney is dressed and ready to go, I urge her to be quiet while we exit Mom's bedroom and creep through the house to the front door. I grab Mom's car keys and her purse, as well as my backpack, and then open the door. Right then, I hear Denae open her bedroom door and yell out, "Mom! Is that you? Are you leaving?"

Whiney's eyes light up and she starts to reply, "Dee-Dee! I mi-"

I slap my hand over Whiney's mouth and shake my head back and forth rapidly.

"What?" Denae calls back, sounding confused. "I didn't hear you."

I hear her footsteps on the floor above us and I quickly tug Whiney outside. I keep my hand on her shoulder to usher her to the passenger side of Mom's Volkswagen, and tell her to buckle up once she gets in. I run around to the driver's side, hop in, buckle up, and turn on the engine.

As I'm pulling out of the driveway, Whiney giggles, "I'm not opposed to sit in front!" She grins like LJ does when he is being smug about something. "You're my favorite, Shaily!"

I smile back at her good-naturedly, before shooting her a question, "Hey, Whiney, why are you here and not Mom this morning?"

Whiney's eyes drop to the floor and she wiggles in her seat while she explains, "I can't tell. It's a secret."

"I can keep a secret," I say, crossing my fingers over my heart and hoping Whiney will be tempted to tell me.

Whiney shakes her head back and forth, "Nope. Can't tell." She pretends to turn a lock over her mouth and then toss the key out the window, like she was throwing away the key.

I am annoyed at Whiney's stubbornness – since when does she keep a secret anyways? – but I don't push her for any more information. Whiney is best kept happy, because if she's not happy she'll throw a temper-tantrum rivaling that of the girl from Willy Wonka who demands her dad buy her an Oompa-Loompa, 'and Oompa-Loompa NOW'. One time, in Home Depot, she got so mad that she screamed until her face turned purple and I had to haul her out to the car and wait for Denae to come out with the paint cans we were buying to re-do the living room. She had to call Dad because someone called the police, and there was a crowd gathered of about a hundred people or more...It was awful, and I don't want another incident like that to occur today, when I don't have Dad or Denae as back-up.

At the jewelry store, we have to wait fifteen minutes until the store opens, and let me tell you, fifteen minutes with an impatient six-year-old girl is no fun at all. Finally, the doors are unlocked and the owner greets us with a tired smile. He invites us inside, where he takes the necklace and looks at it under a strange looking microscope. He says a link in the chain broke, and he can fix it, but it will take about an hour or so. I ask him to please fix it for us now, promising to pay him extra, and then I take Whiney across the street for breakfast. I get strange looks, of course, from the waitress as well as other customers, but I pay it no mind. Don't they realize I know our life is freak show? Don't they realize it is rude to stare? Thankfully, after finishing breakfast we check back in with the jeweler, and he finished quicker than he thought. The necklace is mended, looks good as new, and now we're on our way back home.

In the car, I turn the radio on quietly and start humming along to the song. A moment later, Mom is looking over at me, her face full of confusion. "Shay?" I whip my head over to look at her, happy to hear Mom's voice and not Whiney's. "What happened? Where are we going? Did I…?"

I nod as I inform her, "Whiney. I guess the necklace that Dad got you for your twentieth anniversary broke this morning, and you were pretty upset. Whiney and I went and got it fixed," I gesture to the box in her lap and she picks it up with delicate fingers and looks inside. "I guess once Whiney was happy again, she went away," I shrug, sending her a questioning look and then returning my eyes to the road before she yells at me for not paying attention while driving.

Mom is quiet for a full minute before she runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. "Oh God – I don't know. I am so sorry, Shay. You-You're supposed to be at school. You're really late. Did you call and tell them you'd be late?" She looks at me with concern in her eyes, like that is seriously the most important thing to be talking about right now when she just had her second alter appearance in less than a month.

"No," I hadn't even thought of doing that, "I didn't. I wasn't really thinking about school at the time."

"School is important!" Mom insists, "You need to get to school, now. Turn around, okay?"

"But, we're almost home," I point out. I want to take her home myself and make sure she's okay. What if Whiney comes back the moment she starts driving and she gets into an accident? Am I the only one who thinks of these things?

"I don't care, Shailene," Mom argues, "You're going to school, and that is that." She says it so matter-of-factly, I almost want to pull over and shake her, but obviously I can't do that.

"Fine," I sigh, putting on the blinker before making a U-turn and heading back the way we just came, which leads to the high school. It will take about five minutes, because we literally didn't even make it out of Forks before Mom transitioned again and decided to be bossy. "But we are talking about this later. I had to cover for you again and Denae almost came downstairs and saw Whiney. I don't want to keep lying. We need to talk about this as a family and make sure we have a plan for if things start to get worse a-"

"No, Shailene," Mom's voice cuts in loud and clearly as she states, "I don't want to do that. It's not going to get worse. I'm fine. I know you think this is going to get bad, but it's not. I can feel it; something is different with the alters now. They listen to me. It's like we...came to an agreement. I don't need everyone worrying over me all the time again. Just trust me, and know that I'll be fine."

I want to believe her, but I don't know if I can.

When I get to school, Mom comes in the front office to sign me in, since it's the middle of third period, and then I get a pass from the secretary so I can get to class. I figure out that I have Spanish now, and I wave to Mom before setting off towards the Foreign Language hallway. When I slip the pass to Mr. Hernandez and take a seat in my usual, Kate, who sits behind me, invites me to a party at her place Friday night. Apparently, Kate and her brother Derek, who is a senior, throw a party the last week of September every year because that's when their parents go away to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I wouldn't know about this, of course, because this is my first year going to school with the Fergusons. It's strange being asked to a party, because until I went to school in NYC, I was never asked to a party before.

By the time Spanish class is over, I've decided Mom was right about school being important; I _need _to go to school every day. But it's not just for the reasons Mom is thinking, it's because I am actually normal here. People don't see me as Shay, the crazy lady's daughter, or that girl whose mom tries to pick up other people's husbands at the local bars, or the girl who takes care of her mom who acts like she's six and people probably think is mentally disabled; they just see me as Shay. If I can keep all of the craziness of my home life separate from my school life, maybe I'll be able to finish off high school as a normal girl..._If I even know how to be normal._

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**Please Follow & Review :) I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far. Suggestions/hopes/wishes/questions - I like 'em all;)**


	4. 4 Does That Make Me Crazy?

**Hello Readers, new & old, welcome to Chapter 4! Thanks for reading so far, and I hope you like this chapter. It's very, very long, so...you're welcome (for those who like long chapters) and I'm sorry (to those who don't like long chapters...Wait. Who doesn't like long chapters?) - Anyways, hope it doesn't bore ;)**

**Check out the photobucket (link on my profile page) to see pictures of Shay & the fam, if interested. **

**Thank You: arose4u2, ThatDayDreamer-x, Guest (1), Guest (2), PadfootCc, & WolfLove - Your reviews are much appreciated:)**

**WARNING: I changed the rating from T to M because there is more bad language in this chapter, and I didn't think it would be very T-appropriate. Also, shit is gonna go down soon that will make the M-rating valid, and that doesn't necessarily mean s-e-x ;) So anyways, there's your warning...don't read if swearing offends you.**

**-BecomingScarlett**

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**Our Love Is Insanity**

**Chapter 4: Does That Make Me Crazy?**

"We still haven't talked," I announce as I slump down onto the couch next to Mom, LJ between us, and place the big bowl of freshly popped popcorn on the coffee table in front of us. At Mom's blank stare, I elaborate, "About what happened earlier this week, with a certain _friend _of ours." I make a pouty face as I say friend so that Mom knows I'm talking about Whiney; _well, hopefully she knows. _I don't want to say the name out loud in case LJ remembers Whiney from the last time he encountered her, when she closed him in the dryer while playing hide-and-seek. It goes without saying that LJ will go nowhere near the laundry room and hide-and-seek is _not_ a favorite game of his anymore...

Mom reaches for a handful of popcorn as she evades, "Well, Shailene, it's pretty rude to talk during LJ's favorite movie, don't you think? After all, he is having a bath and going straight to bed after this. Right young man?"

"Right Mimi," LJ nods, too content with his cup of chocolate milk, popcorn and a good movie to argue about bedtime's quick approach. We're watching The Lion King, for the hundredth time since our return to La Push. I could probably quote the entire movie without looking at this point.

"Besides," Mom continues, "I thought we already talked? I told you to leave it to me."

"I can't though, Mom," I complain, "I can't just pretend it didn't happen. I have questions." When Mom only sends me a warning glance in LJ's direction, I ask what's been on my mind all week, "What did you mean when you said you said you 'came to an agreement'?"

"Exactly what I said," Mom replies in clipped tones.

I grit my teeth, "But what does that _mean? _How? I need details. I'll call..." I hesitate, trying to think of a way to sign my message to her without actually knowing sign language, and settle on spelling it out, "D-O-C-T-O-R..." I make a wavy motion with my arm to symbolize 'Rivers'. "So," I threaten weakly, _she is my mom, after all, so it's not very easy_, "You better tell me."

Mom purses her lips together in annoyance before telling LJ, "Mimi and Auntie Shay will be in the kitchen for a minute, Levi James. You stay right here and watch your movie." She adds in a teasing tone as she rises from the couch, "And _don't _eat all that popcorn on us, mister."

LJ giggles, "Okie-dokey, I won't."

I follow Mom to the kitchen and hop up onto the countertop to sit while I wait for an explanation. I raise my eyebrows as a silent prompt to get her lips moving, and I see her chest rise and fall as she takes a deep breath. "My last week of therapy with Dr. Rivers, we were working on communicating with the alters, and gaining control. I was able to be co-conscious a few times with Felicia and Whiney - you know what that means, don't you, honey?" I shake my head, unsure at this moment. "It's when I can see what the alters are doing, and hear what they're saying, but I can't control any of their actions. But Dr. Rivers was showing me techniques of 'kicking them out of the drivers' seat', as he put it. It worked with Felicia, but Whiney left on her own. I guess I'm still working on it, but I'll be fine."

"And the 'agreement'?" I remind her of the real reason we came in here.

"Well, after Felicia's appearance, I could hear them all talking inside me - they were arguing about who would get to go out next and how unfair this was and what they needed to do and how long it's been - It was driving me _crazy!_ So I started talking to them...I made a deal, and they agreed. They are only allowed out under certain circumstances, or with my permission._ I'm _in control." She nods her head seriously, her eyes daring me to argue with her about the fact that she's in control. _Oh, I could argue all right, but it will get us nowhere. She'll hold her breath until she's blue in the face, if that'll prove she's in control...And I'll hold my breath too just to prove her wrong; as is the stubbornness of the Branford women, so I'm told._

"You still didn't really give me much detail," I point out.

"I need some things to be left between me and..." She frowns, "...me."

"And we're still not telling Denae about all of this?" I ask disapprovingly.

"No, Shailene," Mom holds firm, "I don't want Denae involved. She doesn't need any more stress; she could never handle the alters like you do, Shay. I've told them to stay away from her."

"Okay Mom," I sigh, hopping down from the counter, "Whatever you say." I head towards the hallway that leads to the stairs, and announce, "I'm gonna go get ready now."

"Oh," Mom's whole mood changes in a flash, and she smiles brightly, "I almost forgot. You're going to a party tonight."

"Yes," I nod, drawing out the word slowly and putting emphasis on the 's' so I sound like a snake hissing. "I'm kind of nervous because..."

Upon hearing my words, Mom goes into protective-mother-worry-mode and starts spewing off questions left and right, "Wait, what kind of party is this? Are their parents home? Will there be alcohol? What about drugs? Will there be nudity? Should I be worried?"

"Oh my gosh," I snort, nearly doubling over in laughter, "You sound like Martha Stewart. Hell, Martha Stewart probably has parties like the one you just described. You don't have to be worried about me, Mom." I roll my eyes, "But you probably will anyways. I only meant I was worried because I haven't picked an outfit yet."

"I need to worry about you," Mom scrunches up her face and talks to me in a baby voice as she attempts to pinch my cheeks, "You're my wittle baby girl."

"_Mom,_" I whine, "_Don't do that!_" I manage to escape the cheek pinching, but she does grab me around the waist and squeeze me, kissing the side of my face repeatedly. "Stop it," I groan, "I'm not a baby! I'm going to be seventeen in January."

Mom finally releases me, telling me firmly, "You'll always be my baby. And I will _always _worry about you. Go on, though; go get ready for your party. Don't take too long because I have to get Mr. Monkey to bed before Denae gets home."

"I won't take long," I assure her. "What time is Denae coming home?" I ask, hoping it's not long since the alter-agreement topic is still so fresh on my mind and I'm worried Mom might transition while babysitting LJ. Denae had work followed by class for three hours, and it's been like that four days out of the week since she started, plus the Saturday class. It's a lot for her to be away from LJ, and for Mom and I, and Aunt Tiff and Embry, to work out babysitting him. He needs to go to daycare, but Denae can't afford to pay for it.

"She'll be home a little after eight," Mom answers.

_Good, _I think, _I'll only be gone a half hour or so. _I nod once to signify I heard her before heading up the stairs two at a time. I think Mom can handle thirty minutes alone with LJ...I can relax and focus on getting ready for the party tonight. I still can't believe I'm going to my first Forks High School party. I'm kind of ashamed at how excited I am, but at the same time, who can really blame me? No one from La Push High would have invited me to a party, or if they did it would only be to make fun of my mother and hope she shows up as one of the alters. In New York, I went to parties, but I felt out of place with them, too. NYC is a much different scene than Forks, Washington. Kate is fun though, and she makes me laugh, and I'm not nervous at all to go to the party at her place; it's going to be fun. _I can't believe I think a high school party is going to be fun..._

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After thirty minutes of digging through my closet for something to wear, I'm about ready to call it quits and stay home for the night. I sigh loudly and flop down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering why I wasn't born with the fashion gene like Denae was. She always knows exactly what to wear, always has perfect hair, and looks flawlessly gorgeous at all time. I, on the other hand, don't even know what one wears to a high school party. _What kind of teenage girl am I? _

Just then, my phone starts to buzz on top of my night stand. I roll over onto my belly and stretch my arm across the bed until I feel the phone brush against my fingertips. I stretch a _little _further, since I'm clearly too lazy to get up and get the phone, and finally grasp it in my hand. After a quick check on the caller ID, I pick up.

"Hey-hey, lady!" Kate greets in a loud, upbeat manner, the sound of music pumping through a stereo in the background on her end. "When is your sister getting home so you can ditch the diaper-wagon and come over and party with me?" Kate isn't too big on kids. She claims babies hate her, and for that reason, they _scare _her. Seriously, she calls it 'small person phobia' because she avoids anyone under the age of seven like the plague. She swears she'll never have children of her own because they'll probably be just like Stewie from Family Guy and plot her demise every time she turns her back…I think she's nuts, but then again, look at my mother; I can't exactly go around accusing other people of being crazy.

"I'm getting ready now," I inform her with a short laugh, "My mom is watching my nephew for me."

"So…" Kate asks, obviously hearing the lack of enthusiasm in my voice in comparison to hers, "What's the problem then?"

My eyes wander over to my once-neat closet that now looks like a bomb went off inside it. "I don't know what to wear," I admit with a sigh. Most of the dresses and skirts that were hung up are in a mountainous pile on the floor, along with nearly every pair of shoe I own and a few of Denae's as well. I laid out a few shirts and pant combinations that I might want to wear, which are also on the floor next to the pile of discarded clothes, but each time I look I like the outfits less and less.

As I'm frowning at the disarray, Kate starts laughing loudly in my ear. Not just any old 'that's hilarious' laugh either, more of an evil witch's _cackle _and it has me wonder what type of mischief she's up to. I wasn't even sure her laughter was directed towards me until after she's calmed down long enough to gasp out, "You should see what _I'm _wearing. It's fuckin' dope. Derek and I were going through some boxes in the garage, looking for stuff for the party, and I found this crazy, like, Xena the Warrior Princess outfit –" She busts out laughing some more, a deeper, male's laughter joining her. "It's fucking great," She concludes when she catches her breath, "Bahaha! Wait 'til you see it."

I wrinkle up my brow as I try and picture what she might have on. I have no idea what Xena the Warrior Princess wore, so I'm drawing a blank. I shake my head, concluding I'll have to wait until I see her to know, and comment, "Well…cute, Kate, but what about me?"

Kate moves the phone away from her mouth and I hear her call loudly, "Derek, don't put that there. Mom will flip if that breaks. Go put it in their room. In the closet, that's where I'm putting all the important shizz." I haven't met Derek yet, but from what Kate has told me he seems cool like she is, and they get along better than most brother and sisters that I know. To me, Kate orders, "Tell me what you've got, Shay, and I'll tell you what to wear."

"And I'm supposed to trust the girl dressed up like Xena the Warrior Princess?" I question, a smirk on my lips as I try and hold in my giggles.

"Yes," Kate confirms smartly, "Yes, you are." A moment later, she's urging me, "Come on, I want you to hurry up and get here so we can get our drink on, and our dance on, and _party on!" _

I laugh at her impatience as I can picture her fidgeting around in her house waiting for guests to arrive. My first impression of Kate was that she wasn't like everyone else at Forks High, that she liked standing out and being different, and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought of her. My second impression is that, despite her sometimes abrasive and bossy personality, everyone loves her anyways, probably because of her great sense of humor. Kate could be the most popular girl at Forks High, if she wanted, but she doesn't want that. Kate is a never-ending surprise, and I don't know why she chose me to be her friend, but for the first time in possibly forever I think I made a friend who is _best_ friend potential.

Ten minutes later, Kate has picked an outfit for me, and we hang up so I can get dressed. I pull on the white leggings that are decorated with thick black horizontal stripes and tribal designs scribbled all over in black and red ink, then a white strapless bra top dotted with small red hearts, and on top of that a sheer black lace, long-sleeved shirt that buttons up to the base of my neck, and then a red, backless cotton vest that ties at the back of the neck and the bust-line and falls to mid-thigh. I step into my shoes last; a pair of black high-top sneakers with gold metal studs on the sides and blood-red laces. Most of the elements of this outfit were purchased in New York City, and I think that is part of the appeal to Kate. I turn slowly in the mirror, viewing my outfit from all angles, and then I take a picture on my phone and send it to Kate, as promised.

She texts back right away: **OMG I'm stealing those leggings. U are so f'ing cute! U need a necklace & bracelet. & leave ur hair down. & HURRY UP! –K**

I roll my eyes at her antics and reply: **Leavin in 10. –S**

As Kate requests, I slide a few bracelets on each arm and clasp my favorite gold necklace with a sparrow charm on the chain around my neck. I step into my and Denae's shared bathroom to fix up my hair a bit; re-shape some curls with my defining mousse and then spray them with a fruity apple anti-frizz spray that Denae bought. I apply a little more black eyeliner to my lower lids, add another coat of mascara, and put my lip gloss and phone in my black leather purse for later. I glance at myself in the mirror one last time, telling my reflection to stop looking so scared and to go have fun for once, and then flip off my bedroom light as I leave.

On my way downstairs, I hear a knock at the door. "I'll get it," I call to Mom, since I'm closest. _I'm also not sure if she's going to say anything about the outfit, seeing how she wasn't present when I bought it..._I hop down the last few stairs at once and then turn the corner to the front door. I see Embry through the window, and he waves. I smile as I pull the door open, stating, "Well, what a surprise. What are you doing here?" He hasn't been home much, and the only time I've really seen him has been when I called him and told him to come over, so it is kind of a surprise to see him on my doorstep on a Friday night at almost eight o'clock.

"I'm on my way to the movies," Embry states, jerking his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the old black Mustang idling loudly in my driveway. I can see Jared Cameron in the driver's seat, and a pretty black-haired girl in the passenger seat beside him. I think I remember her from La Push High; her name is Kim, maybe…Someone else is in the back, but I can't see his face, definitely a guy with those big, muscley arms. "Want to come?"

Instead of turning him down straight away, I interrogate, "You're not grounded anymore?"

Embry shrugs, "I am, but she said I could go."

I eye him skeptically, not thinking it to be very Aunt-Tiff-like to allow him to go to the movies with his friends when he's supposed to be grounded…

"All right, fine," Embry sighs, before confessing, "She said I could go only if you go."

"Sorry," I tell him sympathetically with a shrug of my own, "I can't go. I have plans."

Now it is Embry giving me a skeptical frown as he asks, "What plans?"

I cross my arms over my chest and reply with a smug smile on my lips, "I'm going to a party."

From the car, I hear a familiar, and _not _welcome, voice call out, "What party? Where?"

Without even looking to confirm my suspicions, I clench my jaw and mutter to Embry accusingly, "You were going to make me go to the movies with _him?_ Wow. I'm starting to think you don't like me very much, Em."

"Paul's not that bad," Embry tells me in a sure voice, "And he's my friend. So…what party is it, anyways?"

"'Not that bad'?" I repeat, raising one eyebrow like Dwayne Johnson - you know, The Rock? Embry and my dad used to watch wrestling every Monday night... - and scoffing, "Since when are you friends with these guys anyways, Embry? When I was in New York and we used to talk on the phone, you said they were jerks, that they walked around the school and the whole reservation like they own the fucking place. Now you're what? In the club? I don't get it."

I kept my voice down, because I'm not trying to start drama with Embry's friends, I'm just looking for an explanation, but he was looking over his shoulder the whole time like Paul and Jared could hear my every word. He puts both his hands up in a 'chill out' gesture, and says to me, "Calm down, it's not a big deal. I don't know what to say; people change." He shrugs, "Maybe I was wrong before. It doesn't matter now."

"That doesn't even make sense." I roll my eyes.

"Whose party are you going to?" Embry presses, completely ignoring my entire point.

I roll my eyes again and sigh loudly, exaggerating my annoyance, "Kate and Derek Ferguson. You probably don't know them. They live in Forks. Now, if you don't mind, I kind of have to get goin-"

"Why don't you have Embry bring you?" Mom asks from directly behind me, causing me to jump and spin around to face her while clutching my hand to my heart.

"_Mom," _I complain, "I hate when you sneak up on me. And Embry already has plans. He's going to the movies. So…he can't-"

"We can bring you," Embry quickly cuts in, "It's no problem. Jared doesn't mind."

"Really?" I ask sarcastically, turning back to Embry now. "And how do you know he doesn't mind when you didn't even ask him?"

"He doesn't mind," Paul calls from the car, nudging Jared from the back seat.

Jared nods and confirms, "I don't."

I turn my glare to Embry before attempting to convince my mom not to make me go with them, "But…but, I…I want you to…" I trail off and pout, hoping I look as cute as LJ does when he uses it on me, "I thought I was going with you and LJ?"

"Why would you want me to drag LJ out at bedtime just to drive you all the way to Forks and then come home, when Embry is going that way already?" Mom questions my logic. _And apparently doesn't think I'm as cute as I thought…_

I drop my shoulders in defeat and blow a raspberry through my lips. "Fine. Whatever. I'll be home later. And yes, before you ask, I have my phone." To Embry, I say, "Let's go. And you are so not invited to the party, by the way." He laughs.

"Bye Shailene," Mom calls from the doorway as I follow after Embry, "You look cute. Have fun! Don't come home too late, and don't get in the car with someone who's been drinking, and be _nice _to your cousin."

I ignore her words and keep walking because, _seriously, _does she know how embarrassing it is to be saying things like that to me in front of other people? She acts like I'm five years old, for Christ's sake. I'm going to be seventeen in three months! _Does this count for nothing?! _I am annoyed before even getting into the car because I know that I'm going to get stuck sitting bitch-seat in the back, between Embry and _Paul. _"I can't wait until I have my license and I can drive _myself._" I mutter under my breath.

"What was that, cuz?" Embry asks as he steps up beside me and bumps my shoulder with his arm; he used to be able to bump my shoulder with _his_ but now he's too friggin' tall.

"Nothing," I lie, smiling sweetly and blinking like a creepy doll.

"Weird-o," Embry says, covering my face with his hand.

"Stop, you're going to mess up my make-up," I tell him as I try and push him off.

He removes his hand and mimics, "Like, oh my god, my make-up! Stop, Embry! I'm hideous without make-up."

"Shut up," I say, even as I'm laughing, "I don't sound like that."

"Are you guys getting in the car or what?" Jared questions, starting to look annoyed with us.

"We're coming," Embry says, giving me a pointed look. Kim, _I think, _has gotten out of her seat so that Embry and I can climb into the small backseat of this too-tiny-for-these-guys, two-door car. I gesture towards the car, hoping he'll get in first so I don't have to sit next to Paul, but he isn't taking the bait. "I don't think so," Embry shakes his head, "You're smaller, that means you get the middle."

"Gee, thanks," I state dryly as I climb into the back of Jared's Mustang, "I'm so glad you showed up just in time to make me ride bitch-seat all the way to Forks."

Jared turns in his seat to look back at me, a wide smirk on his face as he suggests, "Well, I bet Paul wouldn't mind if you sat on his lap for the ride."

I frown at him and reply, "I'm good." But then Embry squishes in next to me, pushing me into Paul's side and holding me there since there's absolutely no wiggle room between the two of their over-sized bodies. _Or maybe I'm not good, but I am NOT sitting on Paul's lap._

"You said..." Jared starts, but Kim takes his hand and hushes him, "She said no, Jared." She half-turns to look at me now that she's settled back into the car and smiles shyly, "Hey Shay. I heard you were back from New York. How've you been?"

_Is she actually dating that idiot? _I wonder. "Okay, I guess," I shrug. Then, just so I'm not wrong, I test out her name, "Kim...right?" She smiles and I take that as a yes. "Sorry, it's been a while."

To my left, Paul lets out a breath through his noise, almost like a silent snort, and I instantly know he's thinking of the incident on the beach when he didn't recognize me. I roll my eyes up to his and regard him cautiously, waiting for the obnoxious comment that's inevitably going to follow. He smirks, checking out my outfit in a not-so-subtle manner as he points out, "Remember last weekend, when I said I'd see you around, and you said you doubted you would?" He pauses for dramatic effect before filling in, "Well, here I am."

"Yup," I agree, "I guess you were right. Or maybe you planned it that way; asked Embry to bring me along so you could prove me wrong. Which isn't really fair of you." I suggest, only kidding, but when his eyes dart to Embry's and they both look a little guilty, I wonder if maybe I was right. _But why would he make such an effort just to prove me wrong?_ I conclude that, _He wouldn't!_

"Where exactly am I dropping you off?" Jared questions after we've entered Forks.

"Baker Street," I supply, "I don't know the number, but Kate said it's a big blue house and I'll be able to figure it out..."

"Did you say you're going to the Fergusons'?" Jared asks, his dark eyes meeting mine in the rear view mirror momentarily, and I nod. "I've heard about them. They throw parties all the time. Every time their parents go away, they throw a huge party. They usually get pretty _crazy_." I can feel Embry and Paul looking at me disapprovingly, like the party is already out of control and I'm stupid for getting myself mixed up with the local hooligans.

"How crazy can it be?" I wonder as I remind them all, "It's _Forks_." The guys shrug and avert their gazes. Why do I feel like they're waiting for me to say I've changed my mind and I want to go to the stupid movies with them? And, really, besides Embry, who are they to judge me? I can't go to one damn high school party without being judged by my cousin and a few of his new friends? _It's too hot in here,_ I think as I shift uncomfortably between Embry and Paul, purposely nudging their large arms and shoulders out of my space; _especially _Paul. He's taking up even more room than Embry! I feel like I'm suffocating. "Please, somebody, open a window," I lean forward and plead to Jared and Kim. As they both unroll their windows for me, I explain, "These two are killing me back here. I have no room to move," I lean back again, feeling the cool night air hit my face, and I direct my next comment at Paul, "and _you_ are making me hot!"

Embry and Jared crack up at the way I phrased my statement, but Paul frowns and questions, "How can you be hot?" He gestures to my outfit, "You've got like a bra on with a piece of lace fabric over it. You're practically naked. I can't believe your mom let you leave to go to a party like that."

I stare at him like he's stupid, wondering if we just entered an alternate-universe during the car ride because it almost sounds to me like Paul is jealous. Over what? I have not a single clue, but he didn't seem to mind my outfit when he was checking me out before. _Okay; Ew! What am I thinking? That's Paul! PAUL! _"It's a _top," _I argue, "and I'm covered up more than most girls at this party will be, not that I asked for your opinion." I shift my knees towards Embry, which he's not happy about but I don't really care, and lean away from Paul. _Yes, I'm immature, but only sometimes._

"I think she looks pretty," Kim defends me.

"Thank you," I smile at her before narrowing my eyes at Paul.

"I didn't say you weren't -" Paul stutters, clearing his throat and starting over, "You do look pretty, Shay."

I frown at his unexpected compliment and feel an unwanted blush rise to my cheeks. I look down at my shoes and shove my hands between my knees as I mumble, "Thanks." _I hope it's too dark for him to see my face..._

As Jared signals left, he calls back to me, "Okay Shay, last chance, are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

"I'm sure," I reply without hesitation. No way am I sitting back here with Paul and Embry all the way to Port Angeles. "You guys have fun at your movie though."

Jared stops the Mustang in front of a big blue house that appears to have every single light turned on inside, and as Kate says, it's pretty obvious a party is taking place. The main reason it's obvious is the giant 'Welcome to the 4th Annual Ferguson Family Reunion' sign hanging over the front door. I hold in the burst of giggles I'd like to release over the clever disguise for the loud music and many vehicles. Well, it's still early, only a few cars are parked in the driveway, but there are sure to be more showing up soon.

"Thanks for the ride," I tell Jared, and then to Kim, "Nice seeing you, Kim." She has to climb out again so that I can shimmy over Embry and hop out of this sardine-can of a car. I wave to my cousin, "See ya later, Em. Be sure to tell Aunt Tiff I enjoyed the movie very much," I wink.

Paul, who I was still deciding how to say bye to, - most likely, 'bye Paul' and run off towards the house - asks, "How are you getting home? Do you need a ride later?"

"Yeah, we can pick you back up," Embry follows up, both of them nodding their heads at the same time.

"Uh..." I laugh at them, "You guys are awkward. No, I'm good...I'll get a ride home, or I'll just stay here."

"You told your mom you'd be home," Paul reminds me.

"I know what I said," I tell him, suddenly feeling defensive, "I never said I wouldn't tell her. Who are you? My father? God, you're so...so-" I look at him in confusion, not even sure how to describe how I feel about him right now; he hasn't even made any references to his old jokes about my mom and he mentioned her _twice_, but he's still infuriating me. I conclude, "so...I don't even know." Paul doesn't look like he's going to say anything else, so I turn around and send them all the 'peace' sign over my shoulder, "Later!"

"Bye Shay!" Kim calls.

"We'll come get you later, Shay," Embry warns.

I shoot him a look, "You better not, Embry."

He shrugs, "You'll see..."

I shake my head and wave again, "Good-_bye_!"

"Bye," They all yell back before driving off.

_"Shayyyy!"_

I whip my head around to the front door of the big blue house, where Kate is waving to me with one hand and pointing at her outfit with the other, a huge grin on her face. I start laughing as I make my way towards her. "Kate!" I gasp out between hysterical laughter, "What the - _heck _- is that?"

Kate is wearing what appears to be some kind of sexy warrior princess Halloween costume...? _I don't even know...I can't actually decide if it's a Halloween costume or a crazy Dominatrix sex outfit. _It's a definitely-NOT-approved-by-Mom outfit, and a fuck,-if-Dad-sees-you-in-that-you're-dead outfit. The top consists of a hot pink bustier covered with a faux-armor chest-piece that ties in the back with black ribbon and is painted a bronze-gold color. The 'armor' has a lion insignia in the middle, hot pink like the bustier. The bottoms are tight, hot pink-sequined booty shorts and thigh-high red leather boots, which totally clash with the hot pink color of her top and the black fishnets covering her legs. She has some more faux-armor pieces clasped around her wrists and her biceps, and a gold Greek-like crown on her head. The final two pieces of the outfit are a long black leather whip and an obnoxiously long, curly haired wig that Kate found and decided to highlight hot pink to match the outfit.

Kate puts her hands on her hips and asks with a pout, "What? You don't like it?"

"I do!" I correct as I climb the front steps, musing for a moment before claiming, "You're like a bodacious Barbie bombshell; the hair, the hot pink, the _boobs! _The whip though? Kinda adds a 'Dominatrix Kate' vibe to the whole thing. And the boots. But I like it." I snort, "I would like to know why it was in your garage though. Do you think your Mom wo-"

"Whoa, nope!" Kate lunges forward and clamps her hand over my mouth. She warns, "Do _not _say that in front of Derek. He's seriously scarred at the thought of Mom in this." We both laugh. She grabs my hand and spins me around so she can get a good look at my outfit and wolf whistles at me. "Shay; you are _hott!_" Before I can react, she's tugging me inside, "Come in, come in; Welcome to the Ferguson Family Reunion," she elbows my ribs as she laughs, " have to show you around. Derek's mixing drinks for us, I told him you were here. Who dropped you off?" Without pausing for an answer, she continues, "Lydia, Josh, Carly, Will, and Michelle are out back; the boys are setting up a beer pong table and the girls are setting up the slip'n'slide..."

* * *

"_I'm bringing sexy back,_

_Them other boys don't know how to act._

_I think you're special, what's behind your back?_

_So turn around and I'll pick up the slack._

Take 'em to the bridge.

_Dirty babe, You see these shackles?_

_Baby, I'm your slave. _

_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave._

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way..._

Take 'em to the chorus."

Everyone is singing along to Justin Timberlake's newest hit, 'SexyBack', which just dropped last week but is most definitely an instant classic. Kate and I are singing loudly, Kate drunkenly slurring her words since she's had _way _more to drink than I have. I had that one drink Derek made when I first arrived, he called it a 'Lemon Fizz', and then later he made me a Malibu Sunrise, which I liked so much I asked him to make me another. The only other drinks I've had were jell-o shots; Kate made three different flavors, so I tried two of each. _Okay, maybe I am kind of drunk, but Kate's drunker._

"Come here girl," Kate gestures to me and I grab her hands as she sings, "Come to the back..." She leads me towards the middle of the crowd of kids dancing in her living room, yelling over all the rest, "V.I.P! Drinks on me!" Everyone cheers. She turns back to me, making a silly face and shaking her hips. I copy her, swaying my hips side to side and lifting my hands over my head as I dance. "Let me see what'cha workin' with...Look at those hips! You make me smile; Go ahead, child." I sing out with her, "Get your sexy on! Get your sexy on!"

I feel two hands grab onto my shoulders, and then someone sings in my ear, "Get your sexy onnnn!"

"Derek," Kate grimaces, lashing out at him with her whip and smacking his hands off my shoulders, "Don't _touch _Shay, okay? She's _my _friend, and you can't have her." I laugh as Kate grabs me and pulls me to her chest. "_Mine." _

"Jeez, Kate," Derek complains, "I was just going to dance with her." He drops his gaze to me and winks, causing me to blush. Derek is like a female version of Kate – he's care-free, he has a good sense of humor, and everyone likes him. Derek is definitely cute; shaggy, sandy-blonde hair, pretty sea blue eyes, lightly freckled nose, and dimpled cheeks. He's also tall and toned, not nearly as toned or built as Paul or even Embry, but in a normal seventeen-year-old guy way. And I think he might be interested in _me. _

_Wow, could I seem any more pathetic? _I wonder briefly, _Maybe he's just drunk! He's probably flirty with all the girls…_

"Maybe you can't see very well," Kate continues, a slight bite to her tone, "But she's dancing with me." Kate turns her back on her brother and starts dancing again, moving me with her until I start to dance on my own. When Derek gives up and walks away, Kate finally smiles again.

"What was that about?" I ask her curiously. She told me her and Derek rarely fight over anything, so it was a little strange for her to be annoyed with him so easily.

"He thinks you're cute," Kate tells me nonchalantly, like she was observing the weather outside, or how many kids she thinks are gonna barf tonight, "And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when my brother tries to steal my friends. Not that I'm assuming you also think he's cute, but come on; he is," She rolls her eyes, and then has a hard time refocusing them on my face again. She grabs my cheeks with both hands and commands me to, "Stay still." I giggle, because I wasn't moving, and she concludes, "So, I have to keep him away from you or he'll corrupt you, and then I won't have you anymore…"

She trails off when I start to laugh, and at her bewildered expression, I pull her in for a hug and tell her, "Don't worry – Derek isn't going to steal me away from you, Kate. He's cute, but you're cuter."

She claps loudly and squeals, "Did everyone hear that?! _**I'm cuter than Derek!**_" Now that she's been convinced I'm not going to abandon her for her brother, she drags me towards the back door, announcing, "Let's go out back and make sure no one drowned on the slip'n'slide."

"Uh…" I frown, trying to see how that would work, "How can you _drown _on a –"

"Oh hush," Kate interrupts, "You just never know."

Once Kate is reassured that no one has drowned on her watch, she cuts the line and goes down the slip'n'slide herself a few times. She tries to convince me to give it a go, but I'm definitely _not _ruining my tribal printed leggings just for one run down the slip'n'slide. _As much fun as it looks, I'm going to have to pass. _Plus, it's kind of chilly out here, and the girls who did bring their bathing suits look not only skanky, but freezing cold. While I'm waiting for her to be finished, I find that Derek at my side again.

"Hey," He says with a smile as he throws his arm over my shoulder, "There you are. So…you really think Kate's cuter than me?" Another grin, this one bringing his dimples out for show.

I hold in a snort as I reply, "Sorry, Derek, but have you seen your sister?" I fan my face with my hand to show that she's 'hot'.

"Don't lie," Derek insists, watching my face closely, "You just don't want to hurt her feelings. Its okay, I get it. You don't have to admit it. I know you think I'm cute." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I blush under his gaze, because he's right; I do think he's cute, but I don't want to upset Kate. She admitted it bothers her when her brother gets with her friends, not that I would _'get with' _Derek when I just met him, but I don't want either of them to get the wrong idea. Kate is awesome, and I don't want to lose her as a friend when we just started getting close. Derek seems cool, and he's very cute, but not worth ruining a new friendship over. Besides, my life is too chaotic as it is, and adding in a boyfriend, or even potential boyfriend, would complicate things further. _Sorry, but as cute as I think he is, it's just not going to happen._

"_Ahhh!_"

Derek drops his arm from my shoulder at the sound of Kate's voice, and we both look to where she's squealing and hopping up and down in excitement.

"I _love _this song!" She fist-pumps the air before running to me at full-speed, grabbing one of my hands and one of her brother's, and dragging us back towards the house, dripping water on us both as she does. "Come dance with me!"

"Well," I tease while she yanks on my arm so hard I feel like it might pop out of the socket, "Since you're being so _nice _and you asked so _politely!_"

Ignoring me, Kate starts to sing Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy', "I remember when I lost my mind; there was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions have an echo in so much space…"

Deciding we can still hear the music just fine from out here on the patio, Kate starts to dance around, dragging random party-goers out of their chairs and forcing them to dance with her. Derek uses the moment to gain my attention, dancing around me with that silly dimpled grin on his face. He has me laughing as he sings along, his voice loud and out of tune. "…Yeah, I was out of touch…But it wasn't because I didn't know enough, I just knew too much…"

Kate's back, throwing up her arms and yelling, "Does that make me crazy? Does that make cra-zayyy? Does that make me crazy? Possibly!"

"Hey," I say to her once I notice she's holding another plastic cup of alcohol, "I thought I cut you off?!"

She smirks over the rim of the red cup at me before putting her lips to the edge and finishing off the cup with one gulp. She licks her lips and says 'aah!' before tossing the empty cup over the railing of the patio and onto the grass. She shrugs innocently, "Oopsies."

I shake my head at her and roll my eyes, and as I do, I catch something out of the corner of them that makes me turn and stare. Not some_thing_, actually, _someone. _I can hear Kate singing behind me – "_Well, I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy…just like me." _– and Derek has grabbed one of my hands in an attempt to regain my attention, but my mind is across the yard, where I wish I could teleport so I can yell at the two stupid boys who just showed up after I told them _not _to come back for me! _Well, I will be yelling if I can stop drooling over the fact that Paul looks so friggin ho-_

Before I know what I'm doing, I've ripped my hand from Derek and stormed across the yard towards Paul and Embry, calling out accusingly, "I thought I told you _not _to come here?"

Embry shrugs, reminding me, "And I thought I told you I'd be back to get you?"

"Well," I cross my arms defiantly as I come to a halt in front of them both and state, "I don't want to go with you. I'm having fun."

"You look like you're having fun," Paul comments humorlessly, his eyes glaring at something behind me.

I frown as I ask, "Yeah, I was; is that a crime now?" _What's he looking at? _I look behind at the patio, but all I can see is Kate and Derek and a bunch of drunk kids dancing around like idiots.

Embry shoots Paul a look before he says to me gently, "No, Shay, but it's late. We have to get you home."

"I don't wanna," I repeat, stomping my foot like a child, which Embry finds amusing but has enough sense to hold back his laughter. "You're not fair, Embry. I didn't make you leave your party." I notice the slight whine to my voice and note that I am on the verge of throwing a slightly-intoxicated temper-tanrum.

"I wasn't drunk and I had a ride home," Embry points out.

Without anything to say to that, I huff in annoyance. Then I hear Kate call my name, and I look at her over my shoulder, a sneaky smile pulling at my lips. She's waving at me frantically to come back and dance with her. I let one giggle slip out before I twist around and take off at a run, away from my cousin and his annoying friend. "Guess you can't make me go if you can't catch me," I call out to them, laughing at my cleverness and setting my sights on Kate. _If I can get to her, she can keep me safe from…_

Somebody grabs me around the waist from behind, lifting me off my feet momentarily as they stop my movements, holding me against their warm, overly-large chest. "_Gotcha_," Paul whispers in my ear, causing a shiver to run through my body. I try and jerk away from him, but his hold is so strong I don't get anywhere.

"Ugh!" I groan, "Not fair! You're like on steroids…You should have at least given me a head start, like a ten second head start. No, thirty seconds…And I wasn't even talking to you!" I grumble on for a minute, upset that my plan didn't go as pictured. I barely made it ten feet before Paul scooped me up. What kind of bullshit is that? My senses must be slower because of the alcohol…_Yeah, that's it. _

"I'm not on steroids," Paul chuckles, his breath hitting the side of my face.

I feel another shiver run through me and I twist around in his arms and try to glare at him, but he only smiles in amusement. "Don't laugh at me," I order, "Put me down."

"Are you going to run away again?" Paul wonders, his face serious again and his hold on my hips loosening ever so slightly.

"Maybe," I say defiantly, not willing to give him the answer he's looking for.

"Then no," Paul answers my previous question, tightening his hold again.

I look to Embry for help, but he's too busy explaining to a very confused Kate that he's my cousin and he's here to take me home. Kate doesn't look very happy. I catch part of what she says to him, and it sounds something like, "But – You can't…like, take her! She's…she's my dance buddy. Who else is gonna tell me how awesome my moves are? And…and I need her to keep me from eating all the jell-o shots! _Shay!_" She calls out to me overdramatically.

"Kate," I call back, twisting around some more and reaching my hands over Paul's shoulders, "This big idiot won't let go of me."

She side-steps Embry and grabs both my hands, looking to Paul to plead with him to let me stay also, but when she gets a better look at him, her eyes double in size. "Uh, you mean this big, _sexy_ man won't take his hands off you?" She checks him out some more, "Sorry, Shay, not seeing the problem here…"

"He is not - !" I protest her words, pointing at her and calling out, "Traitor! You're going to feed me to the wolves just because he's hott?! Not fair!" Paul tenses when I mention he's hott, and I make a mental note to never, _ever_ say that out loud again.

"I'm doing you a _favor_," Kate insists, patting my hand comfortingly. She tries to whisper, but fails, "_Ermagerd _– he's so fuckin' hot. Where have you been hiding him?" Then she averts her eyes to Embry and mouths, this time successfully, "Him too. Ugh. Sexy."

"Kate!" I grab both sides of my head, wondering why the world is spinning. "Let me go," I tell Paul, putting my hand on his chest and pushing, "Let go, Paul!"

He finally listens and drops his hands, "Fine, but don't run off."

"I won't," I tell him, even though that is my exact plan. I link my arm through Kate's and whisper-yell, "You bitch!"

She shrugs, "Sorry. But seriously…_hotties!_"

"Kate," I whine, "not the point!" I lead her away from the guys, "They're going to make me leave." I pout at her and she pouts back.

"Shay," Embry starts in a warning tone, "It's time to –"

"Ready?" I ask Kate in the quiestest voice I can muster, my eyebrows raised expectantly. She nods, and I scream, "_Go!"_

Both of us start to run, wobbly because we're intoxicated, in the direction of the patio, where Derek is watching us curiously. Kate slips and nearly pulls me down with her, but I somehow manage to keep her upright. She makes a noise that sounds like, 'eeep!' and starts running faster. I spare a glance over my shoulder to see if Paul and Embry are coming after us, but all I see is a gray t-shirt, and then the same well-muscled arms from before are reaching out for me. I drop Kate's hand and dodge to the right, keeping my body just out of Paul's grasp. I meet his eyes and feel myself smirk that I actually got away from him.

…And then I slam into a brick wall. _Okay, a brick wall with arms._ I look up at the person who caught me…

"Embry!" I shout, "Where did you come from? I hate you!"

He just laughs, knowing I'm obviously not serious, just disappointed that I don't get to stay at my friend's party. He shrugs, "Sorry, Shay, but it's already one in the morning. Time to get you home." He stoops down to my level, which is annoying as hell because it makes me feel short and I'm not short, and talks to me like he would talk to LJ, "Now, here's the deal, Shay. You can walk by yourself to the car, or I can hand you off to Paul and he can carry you. What'll it be?"

I think I may have mentioned the Branford women and how stubborn they are, right? Well, it is moments like these where the stubbornness really is a pain in the ass. Both of Embry's suggestions are going against things I'd like to do, and the first one is basically me _choosing _to walk away from the party that I don't have any desire to leave. The second option is having possibly my least favorite person in La Push carrying me to the car that is going to take me away from the party that I don't want to leave. So...what'll it be, he asks? _Oh, whatever makes things harder for the two goons that had to ruin my good night, _I think.

I push off of Embry and walk away from him a few feet, before sitting down in the grass and folding my knees up to my chest. I wrap my arms around my knees and look up at Embry, sticking my tongue out at him childishly. He shrugs, "Okay, your choice," as he turns to walk towards the front yard.

"What…?" I start to ask, before I feel Paul's stupid, strong arms wrap around me and lift me off the ground. "What the – what are you doing?!" He throws me over his shoulder and holds my legs tightly to him. My view is now of his back and the party that we're _walking away from_. "Come on," I complain, "Can't we stay a little longer?"

"Nope," Paul replies.

The party gets further away, and I bribe, "You guys can come too…?"

"Nope," Paul says again.

"You suck," I tell him as I finally give up. _Looks like the party's over for me. _I lean up on Paul's shoulders and yell to Kate, "Bye Kate! Call me tomorrow!"

"Bye, Shay!" Kate screams back. Derek also yells to me, "Bye!"

"Bye Derek!"

Paul makes me scream when he jerks my body forward until he's got my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, my body chest-to-chest with him. It happened so fast that I thought he dropped me and I was falling to the ground, but instead I'm looking him straight in the eyes. He is staring at me sternly, a look I've never seen on his face before, and it's so funny to me that I almost start laughing. "Who's 'Derek'?" Paul asks me gruffly.

Suddenly, I can't hold back my laughter. I look at him, amusement glinting in my eyes, and say through my laughter, "You look funny like that." Paul's facial expression doesn't change any. "Kate's brother," I answer seriously, "Derek is Kate's brother."

"He likes you," Paul states, not even a single hint of doubt in his tone, that slight frown between his brow making his whole face look like a man in his mid-twenties, not an eighteen-year-old.

"He doesn't even know me," I reply, "How could he like me?" I yawn, forgetting where I am for a moment and leaning my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He actually smells kinda nice; like pine trees, the sea air, and something musky that I assume is just _Paul_. For a second, I appreciate how warm he is and how good he smells, but then I realize what I'm doing. I can hear the last bit of 'Crazy' playing and I think to myself that it kind of relates to this situation, _If I'm crazy for being attracted to Paul after all these years, then he's crazy too for acting like he never hated me. _"Why are you even here?" I ask him, lifting my head from his shoulder, "You don't even like me. Why do you care how I get home? I don't get you…nothing makes sense."

"I like you," Paul counters, "I care how you get home because I don't want you to get hurt."

I hear the sound of a car door opening, and then Paul is leaning in and placing me in the backseat. It's not Jared's Mustang, _thank God_, so Embry doesn't have to squish in the back with us. Actually, I'm not even sure why Paul is sitting in the back with me, seeing how the only other person in the car is Embry, and he's behind the wheel. Paul settles himself in the backseat next to me, though, and I don't complain. I find that I'm very tired now that I've been taken away from the party and made to go home. I scoot as far away from Paul as possible, but when I feel my eyes close and my body slump to the side, he's right there for me to lean on, and before I fall asleep, I feel him put his arm around me…and I don't even make him take it back.

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	5. 5 Change Your Mind

**Another long chapter...**

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**Our Love Is Insanity **

**Chapter 5: Change Your Mind**

Waking up Saturday morning – with the _Mother_ of all migraines, by the way – in my own bed, in my own room, with no recollection of how I got there…well, let's just say it was a little bit disorienting. It may have been slightly less jarring if I hadn't been woken up in the way that I was; LJ climbed onto my bed and started jumping right next to my pillow, announced happily that 'Mommy and Mimi went to work' and he was therefore under my watch for the day, before promptly losing his footing and falling directly on top of my face._ I awoke to a toddler butt-slam on my already aching head…if that doesn't say 'Rise and Shine' I just don't know what does_. After the lovely wake-up call, I dragged my groggy ass out of bed and downstairs, where I started heating up the frying pan to cook LJ's breakfast. It was difficult standing over the stove; with bacon and eggs brewing under my nostrils the acids in my stomach were swirling around dangerously and threatening to make an appearance each time the scent entered my nose. I managed to hold in the urge to up-chuck until _after_ I placed LJ's plate before him, and then when I returned from the bathroom I prepped myself a nice dry piece of rye toast and a tall glass of iced water. _Delish._

After a quick, half-assed clean-up of the kitchen, I took two big pain killers for my hangover headache, popped The Lion King into the DVD player, and curled up on the couch with a blanket for a nap. LJ didn't bother me for nearly a whole hour and a half, but he's shaking me awake now, and judging by the music filling the room the end credits for his favorite movie are rolling. I crack open my eyelids long enough to confirm that the movie is over – _It is…_ – and then squeeze them shut again. I reach out blindly and scoop up LJ, sliding his little body onto the couch beside me and holding him to me tightly.

"Shay-Shay!" LJ cries out in surprise. Then, once he realizes he's trapped, he starts kicking his feet and wiggling around, yelling, "No! I don't wanna sleep! Auntie Shay needs wake up now!" He stops struggling and puts his face close to mine; I pop my eyes open again and watch as he pouts irresistibly and pleads, "Pwease? I go play outside now?"

Holding in a laugh, I ask my nephew in mock-surprise, "You mean Mommy never told you? LJ, today's International Nap Day." At his blank expression, I explain, "That means we have to take a nap all day long."

LJ's hazel-green eyes widen as he squeaks out, "What?" His face crumples and his bottom lip juts out like it does when he's about to start crying hard.

I feel slightly guilty for my cruel joke, so I quickly cheer him up, "I'm only teasing, LJ. It was a joke!" He looks up at me cautiously and I smile widely as I reassure him, "We don't really have to take a nap all day."

"Well you been sleeping all day…" LJ points out innocently and I crack up.

"I was out late last night," I share, stifling a yawn in my hand, "So I'm just a little tired." _And hung-over…_"I need some coffee."

"Can we go to the park?" LJ wonders, looking out the window at the partly-cloudy day outside. "It's not raining."

I peer out the window as well, noting, "You're right. It's not. Hmm…" I think it over, not sure I'm up to walking LJ to the park this morning. Aunt Tiff is working, Denae has class and then a half-shift at work, and Mom has work until four this afternoon, so that only leaves Embry for a ride. But I don't want to call Embry. I'm still irritated with him over the stunt he pulled last night. It _is _only a twenty minute walk, and I have already forced LJ to remain indoors since he woke up, so it would do him good to get outdoors and release some of his energy. "All right, I guess we can go to the park. We'll pack a picnic and then we'll walk, OK?"

LJ nods enthusiastically, and we both set off to the kitchen to prepare for a picnic lunch at the beach. I make us both ham and cheese sandwiches, LJ's with the crust cut off, while LJ chooses pretzel sticks and chocolate chip cookies from the pantry. Then, I locate the wicker picnic basket that Mom has had since Denae and I were kids, and pack everything inside, along with a few bottles of water and two juice boxes. I double-check that we have everything we need for a picnic lunch and then place the basket in LJ's stroller and announce we are ready to go.

"Um..." LJ makes a funny face as he points to me and says, "You're gonna go to the park in your jimmies?"

"My what - ?" I glance down and gasp, "Oh my gosh, I'm still in my pajamas!"

"That's what I said!" LJ giggles hysterically, his cheeks and the tips of his ears turning red; that always happens when he laughs real hard.

"Hold on a minute, okay?" I hold up both my index fingers as I back out of the kitchen towards the stairs, leaving LJ by the side door, "I'm gonna go change. Just - wait right there."

LJ nods his head earnestly, and I nod back before turning to dash upstairs. He's a good kid; I can trust him for a minute. I throw on a pair of comfy yoga pants, a hot pink, v-neck tank top, and a lavender zip-up hoodie. I slip on my sneakers from last year, the ones I don't mind getting dirty while playing with LJ, and start to twist my tangled curls into a messy French braid. I wish I could shower, but I can't leave LJ alone for _that _long. He might be a good listener, but he's still only three.

I head back downstairs as I finish up my braid, but I don't see LJ in the spot I left him. I call his name a few times as I look around the room, but then I see that the side door is cracked open. _LJ can't reach the door handle to open it, can he? _I refuse to let myself panic as I quickly open the door and hop down the stairs to the pavement of the driveway. LJ's stroller is still at the bottom of the stairs, the picnic basket inside, exactly how I left it when I went back inside with Levi to make sure we didn't forget anything. I don't see him anywhere in my sight, so now I'm beginning to get worried.

"Levi James, I told you to wait for me!" I call out as I feel my throat start to close up. _Denae's going to kill me. I lost her son. Oh my God; I fucking LOST LJ!_

"I sorry, Auntie Shay," I hear LJ's quiet voice from directly behind me, "I wanted to be a helper." I spin around and see that he's buckled himself into his stroller! I walked right by him and didn't even see him because he was facing away from me. His eyes are big and fearful as he waits to be punished, but all I feel is relief.

"Oh, LJ," I kneel down and hug him, stroller and all, "I thought you were gone. I didn't know where you went. You scared me."

"I sorry," LJ repeats, his little arms wrapping around my neck and hugging tight. "It's okay."

I lean back and tell him seriously, "Thank you for trying to help. I'm proud of you for buckling yourself in, _but _you can't go outside without a big person's help, okay? And not just any big person," I add quickly, "Only somebody you know; like Mommy, Mimi, Uncle Embry, and Aunt Tiff. You got that, mister?"

LJ nods, "Got it, dude." He gives me the classic thumbs-up gesture that accompanies that line. _Damn Denae and her seriously unhealthy obsession with Full House..._

I chuckle, "You're so silly." I check that LJ's buckle is secure and then pat him on the head as I stand. "Ready to go?"

"Let's go, go, go!" LJ chants encouragingly.

Twenty-five minutes later, since I stopped for a coffee, I'm unbuckling the very restless toddler from his seat and watching him zoom towards the stairs of the play-scape. This time, we don't have the park to ourselves. There are two mothers in their mid-thirties sending dirty glances in my direction from the bench across the park. Since they are the only other parents here, I'm going to assume the six screaming crazies belong to the two of them. I'm not entirely sure why I'm getting the stink eye until after LJ calls out, 'Auntie Shay, look at me!' and clears up that whole misunderstanding. _Wow, those dim-witted morons assumed I became a mom at thirteen instead of considering I might be the babysitter. Bitches. _It angers me because Denae _is _a young mom, and she gets looks like this all the time, but it's not fair because she made a choice and she's being responsible. Why do people feel they have the right to judge others for their decisions? At that moment, I wish I could forbid my nephew to play with any of their children, but he seems to have taken a liking to the youngest one who is a girl around his age, and besides it would be completely hypocritical of me to tell him he can't play with their kids. Instead of being a hypocrite, I endure a tortuous hour and a half of play-time - AKA Torture Shay-Time - with LJ and his new friend Maddelyn...and her crazy siblings and their friends, who are all on a major sugar-high or in need of serious ADHD medication. _I'm thinking option number two...just saying._

"Kids," Bitchy Mom #1 calls out, "Time to go."

I could not be happier to hear those three words.

After they leave, I realize it is a little after twelve-thirty, so I suggest we take a break from playing and set up our picnic lunch. LJ wants to sit on the beach, which I anticipated, so I let him choose a spot close to the playground and then I spread out a small blanket to sit on. LJ and I both take off our shoes and he smiles happily while I pull out the food we packed together. I unwrap half of LJ's crust-less ham and cheese sandwich and place it in front of him on a paper towel. I give him a handful of pretzel sticks and a juice box, and then promise him some cookies after he finishes his sandwich. While I unwrap my sandwich, I hear footfalls on the sand and my eyes are drawn over LJ's head and down the beach.

"You've got to be kidding me," I mumble under my breath.

_Why does today hate me?_

LJ looks over his shoulder, announcing, "Look, its Paul!"

_Why in God's name do kids remember __**everything **__you don't want them to?_

Upon hearing his name, which I didn't think would be possible from how far away he is, Paul waves in our direction. LJ waves back and I pretend there's something in the sand that is so very interesting I can't be bothered to acknowledge his presence right now. In the mean-time, my heart is pounding loudly, feeling like it is up in my throat, because I just _know _he's going to come over here. And suddenly, how I got to my room last night is not such a mystery, because I'm remembering strong arms and the faint smell of…_pine trees and sea air? _**Paul. **I spare a glance in his direction, hoping to ward him off with a hateful glare, but my body betrays me; as soon as my eyes give his shirtless body the once-over, my stomach starts to flutter and my cheeks heat up. I avert my gaze before my eyes can catch him smirking at me like the cocky little shit he is. _Fuck him for being so damn annoying and still having a damn sexy body! He doesn't deserve it!_

"'Sup, little man?" Paul greets my nephew as he hovers next to our picnic blanket. He crouches down and holds out his hand for a high-five, which LJ happily gives him. Paul grins, "Nice. Having a little picnic?" I feel his eyes flash over to me, but I refuse to meet his gaze until my body has decided to stop playing traitor and gets rid of the ridiculous school-girl blush.

"Yup," LJ replies, "Auntie Shay made sammiches, and I picked out pretzels and cookies."

"Good choice," Paul comments as he settles himself down on the unoccupied corner of our blanket, his long legs stretched out in the sand. I finally bring my eyes up from the ground, sending him a question with one-eyebrow rose. Paul shrugs, grinning cockily as he asks, "Why wasn't I invited to the picnic?"

LJ looks to me with a shrug, "I dunno. Why we didn't invite Paul, Shay?"

I take a bite of my sandwich before answering nonchalantly, "Because we're not friends with Paul."

"Oh…" LJ nods, looking like he's contemplating my words, "But why not? I thought we was s'pose to be friends with everyone?"

I internally slap myself across the face for being such a moron. _Duh! You don't tell a kid something stupid like that, Shay! _I wince before forcing a smile, "Ah, you're right, LJ. That was mean of me." I look to Paul, who is smiling at me expectantly, and state with only _slight _sarcasm, "I'm sorry. I should have invited you, shouldn't I? Well, I guess we could share. There must be something in here for you…" I open the basket and dig around before pulling out a water bottle and offering, "Water?" I hold my hand out and smile smugly.

Paul reaches for the bottle, purposely grabbing where my hand is and pulling it out of my grip slowly, so that his fingers slide over mine and leave a tingling sensation in their wake. I frown at him and try to shake off the feeling. His smile simply widens as he unscrews the cap and takes a giant swig from the bottle. He sighs in relief before winking at me, "Thanks."

I avert my gaze to my sandwich, which is still whole besides the one bite I took before, and my frown deepens. _What is wrong with me? _I wonder, _Why the hell is Paul making me feel like this? _I shake my head, hoping to rid myself of the silly thoughts in my head and the butterflies in my belly. There is _no _reason for me to be feeling like this. Unconsciously, I rip my sandwich in half and hold it out to Paul. His surprised expression is the only thing that clues me into what I'm doing, but by then he has taken the offering from me and I simply watch while he devours it in two bites.

I snort, "You're a _pig_."

"Am not," Paul argues, looking to LJ for back-up. "I'm not a pig, am I, LJ?" While he asks, he puts his thumb on his nose and pushes it up so it looks like a snout, and he snorts at LJ like a pig a few times, making the small boy giggle.

"You are, you are," LJ insists, laughing contagiously and causing myself and Paul to laugh too. He mimics Paul and snorts like a piggy as well, making himself giggle even harder than before. "I'm a pig too!"

Paul seems so comfortable chatting with LJ, making him laugh and teaching him the high-five, low-five trick. I'm honestly surprised that Paul can carry on a conversation with a three-year-old without getting impatient or being a dick. I mean, seriously, the Paul that I went to high school with would never have taken the time to play with a toddler. _At least, I don't think he would have. _Maybe Embry is right and Paul has changed. Maybe he was never as bad as I thought he was. _Hold up a second – Delusional Teenage Girl says what?! _What?

"Shay-Shay," LJ turns to me to show me the new trick he just acquired, "Meet me up high." He holds his hand up over his head and I give him a high-five. He smiles before lowering his hand and continuing, "Meet me in the middle." I slap his hand again, and then he lowers it some more before requesting, "Meet me down low…" I reach out slowly, giving him time to pull his hand away before I attempt to slap it, "…_Oh!_ Too slow!"

I shake my head as I state, "You're too fast for me, LJ."

LJ claps his hands together, happy to have successfully pulled off the trick Paul showed him. He munches on the chocolate chip cookies I placed on his napkin, while Paul stares in my direction and I pretend to be too distracted by the ocean to notice. I'd like to ask him what he's even doing here, but that would be rude, and I'm trying to set a good example for LJ.

Finally, LJ pleads, "Can I go on the swings now? Pwease, Auntie Shay?"

"Okay," I nod, "You can go play for fifteen minutes. I'll pack up our things. We have to get going, though. It's almost nap-time, and then Mommy will be home."

Levi hurries off before hearing the part about the nap, most likely because he knows already that nap-time is approaching. I watch him run to the playground, which is only fifty or so feet away from our picnic spot, and hop on a swing. He's been teaching himself to pump his feet, and he's getting better and better every time. Once I'm sure he doesn't want a push from me, I start to gather up the trash accumulated from our picnic. Ignoring Paul, I re-pack the basket, put my sneakers back on, and stand up to fold the blanket. Paul remains seated at his spot on the edge of the blanket, watching me.

I roll my eyes and look at him exasperatedly, "What are you looking at?" Paul shrugs, still not removing his eyes. I sigh, "Well, stop it. Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Paul asks in amusement.

"Like-like…" I gesture at his face, "_That!_" I don't know how to describe what kind of a look it is; it's like he's fucking fascinated by the way I pack a picnic basket. How do I know why he's looking at me like that? _I just want him to stop! _"How about instead of staring you help me fold the blanket?"

Paul stands up, but doesn't make a move to help. He smirks as he prompts, "You forgot the magic word."

I grab two corners of the blanket and shake the sand out in his direction. "I gave you a water and half of my ham and cheese sandwich," I remind him," So that means I don't have to say 'please'. _You _should be thanking _me_."

As the edge of the blanket that I'm not holding flies in Paul's direction, he reaches out and grabs the corners in his hands faster than I can even blink. He straightens out the blanket and folds it in, stepping forward to make his end meet mine. He takes my ends of the blanket in his hands as well, his hands briefly brushing against mine as he does, and he leans in close to my face as he breathes out in a husky tone, "Thank you, Shay."

I feel myself grow light-headed and I stumble backward a step or two while Paul finishes folding my blanket. He tosses it on top of the basket before shooting me a concerned glance. He opens his mouth to speak, but I shake my head and beat him to the punch, "What-what is your problem? Seriously! What the hell is with you?"

Paul's brow wrinkles up in confusion and he says, "I don't know what you mean."

"Sure you do," I counter adamantly, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Who are you trying to fool? Don't pretend for a second that it's _normal_ for you to hang out with _me _and my nephew. Don't pretend like last night's 'concern for my safety' is really a top priority on your mind." I notice Paul clench his fists together and his jaw lock in anger and it only makes me that much more sure that I'm right, and he has been messing with me for his own amusement. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing at, but _stop! _It's not going to work. I don't know how you convinced Embry that you're a 'different person'," I use air quotes, "now, but it won't work on me. You may have forgotten me, Paul, but I _remember _you."

Paul breathes deeply as he stares down at me, his body seeming to shake – in anger or annoyance; I'm not sure… – but I stare right back defiantly, my lips pursed together and my eyebrows furrowed slightly. For a moment, the strange shaking grows worse, but then it stops. Paul takes another deep breath, before stepping back and putting some space between us. He nods his head, as if accepting my words, and replies, "I'm not playing any game with you, Shay, but I understand why you think that." He takes a few more steps backward, his eyes still focused on mine, and then he smiles, "Don't worry…I'm going to change your mind." Then, he turns and runs off.

* * *

"Don't ask me again; I am _not _going to change my mind!"

I hear my mom talking from her painting room on the back porch, and I peer in from the doorway of the kitchen. She's sitting in front of her easel, the paintbrush in her hand poised above the canvas as if she's about to make a stroke, but she's staring at the wall with a frown on her pretty face. She stares off into space for a few moments…

"Mom?" I call for her attention quietly, "Are you all right?"

She blinks a few times and then slowly turns her head in my direction. I notice that she looks pale and tired, and her eyes are baggy and dark. She drops the hand that was holding the paintbrush and then looks at her canvas in surprise. She presses both her hands to her head where she seems to rub at a headache before responding.

"Oh," She sighs, "I'm fine."

I raise a skeptical eyebrow at her as I step into the room. "Really?" I notice she smeared green paint across her forehead from the hand that was holding the paintbrush previously. I feel a smile tug at my lips as I approach her side, wondering, "When did you start talking to yourself when you're feeling fine, Mom?" I reach for a clean rag in the plastic bin behind her; she has rows and rows of bins to keep her paintbrushes, paints and other materials organized. I wet the corner of the rag with the mostly clear water in the cup beside her easel before rubbing the green spot off her forehead.

"Thank you, baby," Mom says with a tired smile.

I smile back and take a seat on the arm of the wooden, straight-back chair she is sitting on, replying, "Sure. So, how are you _really_?"

I run my fingers through her long, thick locks and she leans back in the chair and closes her eyes. Playing with her hair was something I always loved to do when I was younger. I twist pieces of her hair around my fingers while I wait for her to answer my question. "Brad," She sighs again, "He's not happy he wasn't given a turn out yet. He keeps trying to take over, but I won't let him. It's _exhausting _– He will not take no for an answer."

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I wonder what solution there could be to keep Brad in alter-lock-down, but I'm drawing a blank. The only two things that help are to keep Mom stress-free, and to find her a distraction when she is feeling stressed. _But what distraction can we use? _I perk up as I get an idea.

"We can go driving."

Mom blinks at me in confusion, "What?"

"Yeah," I urge, "You can take me driving. You need a distraction, and I need to practice. It's a win-win." I nod smartly before adding, "Plus, you said last night that you'd take me." Sundays were supposed to be our 'designated driving days', but we've only gone out on one Sunday since the move, and I'm starting to think that at this rate I won't be getting my license before Christmas.

"I don't know, Shailene…"

From her tone, I can already tell the answer is no, so I save her the breath. "Never mind. It's fine. We'll go a different day." I slip off the chair's arm to my feet and head back towards the kitchen. I tell her, "I have to clean my room anyways." It is true; my closet is still a complete disaster area from Friday night.

Thirty minutes later, I'm almost done re-hanging my clothes and then I plan on organizing my shoes, when I hear footsteps running up the stairs. I assume Denae must be home with LJ, so I pay no mind to the noises outside of my bedroom. The thing that I can't ignore, however, is the obnoxiously loud pounding on my closed bedroom door. I walk towards the door but it is thrown open before I get to it and then Mom is standing in the doorway, twirling her car keys around her finger and looking at me with this huge, shit-eating grin on her face.

"Was'sup, Shay-Scout?!" Mom greets in a very good impressionistic voice of the average nineteen-year-old male. In fact, her entire persona all the way down to her outfit of baggy jeans and a too-loose, button-up flannel are screaming 'teenage boy' to me. If she were anybody else's mom, I'd assume she was pulling a prank, but I know better. "You ready to go roll on some bitches?"

I snatch the keys from her hand and state accusingly, "Brad."

"Shailene," He repeats in a similar tone; only difference is he's smirking devilishly.

"I thought Mom said you can't come out today?" I ask in a decidedly disapproving tone.

"That bitch is always changing her mind," Brad reminds me, making a twisting motion with his finger around his head, "She _crazy_, yo."

"_You're_ crazy, yo," I mimic his annoying slang-talk. I usually think Brad isn't too bad to have around, except for when he's hitting on my or Denae's friends or getting into ridiculous amounts of trouble, but I honestly don't have the patience to deal with him right now. I don't have the patience to deal with _any _of the alters. "Don't talk about my mom like that. OK? I thought we had rules."

"You know how well me and rules get along," Brad says with a shrug.

"You're not supposed to be here," I insist with a stamp of my foot.

"'You're not supposed to be here'," Brad repeats in a snarky tone, stomping his own foot on the ground. "You're no fuckin' fun no more, Shay-Scout. I thought we were homies."

"Well, you thought wrong," I state with a shrug. "Why are you even here, anyways?"

"I _was_ gonna be nice and let you drive me somewhere," Brad bribes, "But…since you're being such a little bitch, I think I'll just go out myself and find something fun to do."

"I don't think so," I shake my head firmly as I state, "You're not going anywhere."

Brad groans loudly, "Oh – My – God! You girls are so…so ass-backwards, man. You guys don't even know what you want when you got it. You say you wanna go driving, but you're mom don't wanna take you driving, so here I come to take you driving and do I get a 'thank you, Brad' or a 'you're so thoughtful, Brad'? No. No, I don't get jack-shit, 'cause you don't even know what you want!"

I cross my arms over my chest, knowing that he's kind of right but not wanting to admit it. I try and explain gently, "I wanted my _Mom _to take me."

"She not here right now," Brad shrugs, "So it's just me and you, babe."

I glance at the clock and start to wonder if maybe I should go out somewhere with Brad. I mean, sure, it might lead to trouble or an awkward and embarrassing incident in a public place where people could recognize me…but at least Denae won't be there to witness. Mom made me promise, and even though I feel it has caused a rift in my and Denae's relationship, I'm going to keep that promise. It's close to dinner-time, so Denae is definitely going to be back with LJ soon.

"Fine," I sigh, knowing I sound like Mom, "We'll go, but _I'm _driving, and you better not get us into trouble."

"When have I ever gotten you in trouble?" Brad asks innocently.

I shoot him a look, "Do you _really _want me to answer that question?"

* * *

I knew I shouldn't have trusted Brad. _So...why did I trust Brad again? _I have no idea. I should have locked him in Mom's closet and hung out in her bedroom until she took claim of her body once again. I should never, ever have allowed him out of the house. Me driving was so not enough of a safety net to keep us out of trouble. _There isn't a safety net in the world big enough to keep Brad out of trouble. _I had a bad feeling when we left, a gut instinct as they call it, and I didn't listen to it. I so should have listened!

"That wasn't my fault," Brad denies, quickly leaning over and popping the air-bag that is suffocating my face with a pocket knife that he got from God only knows where.

I cough and sputter for a moment as the white talcum powder settles like dust over the inside of Mom's 'new' 2002 Volkswagen Golf. I blink back tears as I look around the car, taking in the damage from the wreck as I catch my breath. I feel numb at first, and all I hear is the hum of the blood pumping through my ears, but I quickly start to feel dizzy and slightly nauseas. I wiggle my toes and move my legs, then do the same with my hands and arms as I try and assess myself; nothing seems to be out of order. I'm not in any physical pain, but I'm thoroughly shaken up and all I can think is how mad Mom is going to be when she realizes I crashed her car.

My eyes snap to Brad, honing in on the hazel-green eyes of my mother as I demand, "How the fuck is it not your fault, Brad?!" I struggle with unbuckling my seatbelt before flinging open the driver's side door and hopping out, shouting back into the car at him, "You yanked the damn wheel out of my hands and turned us into a fucking _tree!_ Do you know how much trouble we're in? Do you even _realize _what you've done?!"

I circle the car once and conclude, even without any knowledge of mechanics or cars, that Mom's car is totaled. Most of the damage was taken to the driver's side, but it is severely smashed up, like the car is _curled _around the tree, and there are things leaking out from different spots and funky smells spewing up into the air. The front wheel is bent almost completely off its axle, and I'm pretty sure I damaged something even further by opening the door. I swear a few times under my breath and then notice that Brad has gotten out of the car to view the damage too.

"Shit," Brad observes, "This ain't looking good. This is _fucked up._"

"No," I snarl sarcastically, "Ya think? What are we going to do?"

Brad shrugs, "Ditch the car and hitch a ride? We're both gonna be dead after this stunt, so we might as well party while we can." He attempts to smile and turn me on to the idea of being a rebel with him. This is usual Brad behavior, and I am not in any way a rookie. _He is messing with the wrong sister._

"I don't think so, buster," I wag my finger at him angrily, "I'm not going anywhere with you, and you're not going anywhere without me."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"I'm calling Embry," I announce after careful consideration. I might be irritated with him for dragging me away from Kate's Friday night, but I know he had my best interest in mind, and he's the only person I can turn to right now. I reach into the car and pull my phone out from under a layer of dust from the airbag. I wipe it off and scroll through my contacts for Embry's number.

"What's _he _going to do?" Brad sneers, "I know more about cars than him."

"He's not going to fix the car, genius," I say to Brad as I listen to the phone ring and ring, "He's going to give us a ride. I'm going to have the car towed to Forks. All right? So now that you know all the facts, go over there and just be quiet until we get home." Throughout my speech, Embry's voicemail picks up and I end the call, cursing him in my mind for not being around when I actually do need him. I call him again, hoping he'll pick up this time because it's urgent.

Brad sneers at me, an awful look on my beautiful mother's face, and stalks over to the other side of the car, kicking dirt up on the ground with every step he takes. He leans against a tree, not the one hanging out inside the front of Mom's car, and spits at the ground. Then, he sets his stare on me and glares. I roll my eyes and turn my back on the asshole.

"Embry, you have to call me back," I say into the voicemail when the call isn't received the second time around, "I really need you _right now_, so don't wait. Call me back now!" I hang up and pace back and forth for maybe ten seconds, and then I'm calling again.

This time, on the fourth ring, a girl answers. "Hello?"

I pull the phone away from my ear and double-check that I called Embry's phone; I did. "Uh...hi? Is...is Embry there?"

"He's not," The female answers politely, divulging, "I'm Emily, a friend of Embry. He's...out at the moment, but he left his phone. Do you want me to give him a message? I only answered because I heard it ring so many times..."

"Oh..." I feel my shoulders slump in defeat as I realize my only chance at getting help without Mom's secret being revealed to Denae is gone. "Okay. Thank you. I-I don't need you to tell him anything."

"Are you sure?" Emily asks, her voice warm and gentle. "You sound a little panicked. Is everything okay? I can have someone get Embry if you really need him."

"I just needed a ride," I admit, "I was hoping he could come get me and my..." I frown in Brad's direction before finishing, "Mom."

Emily tells me to give her my location and promises to send someone to pick me up. I insist that if Embry is unavailable I'll find another ride, but she assures me I'll have a ride in ten minutes or less, and directs me to 'sit tight'. I hang up with her wondering what the heck just happened, but I proceed to call for a tow to a local auto shop in Forks that I know has a tow truck running 24/7. They predict a forty-five minute wait...and we can't leave the keys.

"What do you mean we have to stay here until your guy comes for the car?" I ask, feeling anger flame up again. _This is like the day from Hell and it will not fucking end._ "It's not even drivable. What's going to happen to it? I just want to go home -"

"Listen lady, it's our policy that we do not pick up vehicles without the driver present," The manager of the auto shop cuts in rudely, "So do you need a tow or not? If you do, you'll need to be there when we show up."

"Fine," I answer begrudgingly, hating my life at the moment. I jam my finger on the end button and shove my phone into my pocket. I lean against the back end of the car and wait impatiently. I mutter angrily, "They better get here in like twenty minutes."

"Don't hold your breath," Brad comments, "Tows take _hours!_"

"You better hope for your life it doesn't take hours," I threaten, obviously kidding since killing Brad would really be killing _Mom._

"Oh, you got threats, little miss sunshine?" Brad asks, a slight smile on his lips. "You think you can take me out, Shay-Scout? I don't think you've got the balls."

"Don't joke around with me right now, Brad," I order sternly. "I'm not in the mood."

"Who shoved a stick up your ass?" He badgers, "You're acting like you fuckin' killed someone. It was an _accident_, yo. I don't think you should be so worried. You know your Mom's gonna blame me. It's always _Brad's _fault."

"It _is _your fault," I mumble.

"Come on, admit it - You were having fun until that tree came along and killed our party," Brad states with a smirk.

_He still thinks this is a joke. What the heck is funny about this situation?! _"How can you sit there and act like you did nothing wrong?" I gesture to the car behind us and inform him, "We could have been killed!"

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda..." Brad says flippantly, "But we're _fine!_"

"Brad!" I shout, "You almost got us killed!"

"We're fucking _fine,_ Shailene!" Brad screams, "Fuck!" As he does, he swirls around and throws his fist into the back of the car in anger. I jump at the sound of Mom's knuckles crunching against the metal. Brad cries out in pain, but when I open my mouth to ask if he's all right, he flips me the bird.

"Real mature," I muse, having no sympathy for Brad but much sympathy for my mother, "I'm sure Mom is just going to love that you not only crashed her car but you broke her damn fingers too!"

Brad cradles his right hand to his chest and points at me furiously with the other and at the same time as he yells at me, "Do you ever shut the fuck up?!" a door slams shut.

I turn away from Brad to greet my rescuer, expecting to see a most-likely annoyed Embry, only to find that my rescue has come in the form of Paul Lahote. His dark eyes flick from me to Brad to the car and back to me, where they linger as he walks over. I watch him scan my head down to my toes and back up and I'm surprised by how worried he seems. I am stunned into silence and all I can do is stare when he reaches my side and demands to know, "What happened? Are you all right? Are you hurt? Shay?" He dusts off one of my shoulders, which was still covered in talcum powder from the crash, as he stares me in the face. When I don't answer, he looks to my mom, asking, "Mrs. Call? You okay?"

Brad laughs bitterly, taking on a more manly stance as he questions, "Do I look like 'Mrs. Call' to you, asshole? Her name ain't even Mrs. Call, its _Ms. Branford_, buck-o. That sack o' shit Takoda left her years ago." He rolls his eyes and mutters, "Cunt-rag." Then he shrugs and looks to Paul once more as he introduces, "I'm Brad. Who the fuck are you?"

I watch Paul's expression turn from concerned to shocked to just plain confused before he tells Brad his name. He then looks back at me, and I feel so exposed under his gaze that I want to run away or hide or tell him to get lost, but I don't do any of these things. I do something much worse and far more embarrassing; I start to cry.

"Fuckin-A," Brad announces with a loud groan, "Here come the water-works."

I pivot away from Brad and his obnoxious mouth, and find myself in Paul's arms. I don't know how he got there, he wasn't standing there before, but he must have reached for me the second he saw I was crying. I could push him away, and I contemplate doing it for a moment, but I don't. I let him wrap me up in his arms and hold me tightly. I sob out, "My mom is going to be so mad at me."

"No, no she won't," Paul says in a soothing tone as he makes a circular motion on my back with his hand, "It's not your fault."

"I crashed her car," I tell him numbly, removing my face from the front of his t-shirt so that my voice isn't muffled, "Brad pulled on the wheel, but I crashed her car. I shouldn't have gone driving with Brad. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did anyways, and now the car is totaled and it's all my fault. She's going to kill me." I sniffle and blink through the last of my tears; _crying isn't fixing anything._

"She won't," Paul insists, "She'll understand."

Paul starts leading me towards his truck, a beat-up blue Ford Bronco, and he opens the passenger door and helps me climb up onto the seat. It is surprisingly neat and clean in the truck, and smells like one of those 'New Car' scented air fresheners. After observing the inside of his vehicle, I look back and see that Paul has been watching me. "Uh..." I inform him with an apologetic shrug, "We have to wait until the tow truck gets here. It's coming from Forks." I avert my gaze to my fingernails, which I try and pretend are as interesting to look at as Paul apparently thinks I am. Now that I've recovered from my brief moment of hysteria I feel silly. The stress of the crash and Brad being an asshole were enough to put me in a vulnerable place, but having Paul show up and see the _crazy _that is my life pushed me over the edge. He knew about my mom's disease before, but he's never been as up-close and personal with one of the alters as he's about to be, and I'm worried this going to back-fire on me. Yesterday, Paul said he was going to make me change my mind about the way I think of him, but what if he can't? I have no reason to put my faith in him.

"Okay," Paul nods, almost looking _happy_ at the thought of waiting around, "That's fine. Did they say how long they'd be?"

"Well, should be less than a half hour now," I reply, "_If _they show up when they said they would."

Paul leans in the open door of the truck and looks at my head with a frown as he repeats his earlier question, "Are you okay? You're not hurt, right?"

"No," I shake my head, but I do feel a _little _dizzy..."I don't think so."

"You don't think you're okay?" Paul wonders, "Or you don't think you're hurt?"

I laugh at Paul's earnest expression, almost looking like LJ when he's being inquisitive and asking questions I don't know how to answer; like, 'what's peanuh-buttah made of?' and 'why do I have to stand and pee but you and Mommy and Mimi sit on the potty?'. "I'm okay," I clarify, "Not hurt."

Paul smiles, "All right. Good."

I need a distraction from Paul's face, so I look out the windshield to see what Brad is up to, only he isn't standing where we left him. I mean, it's not like Brad to stay in one place, but the thing is I don't see him anywhere. _Oh God, Paul didn't actually distract me so badly I lost my mother, did he? _"Where's Brad?" I look from left to right, grabbing Paul's forearm and asking, "Paul, where's my mom? Did you see where she...?"

"He-_llo_ Handsome," the distinct Southern accent of Felicia greets my ears and my question dies on the tip of my tongue. I lean up to look over Paul's shoulder and watch in horror as my mother approaches him from behind wearing nothing but the wife-beater that was underneath Brad's flannel and a pair of black cotton panties. _No bra. Nothin' else. _The flannel shirt and baggy jeans that was Brad's outfit-of-choice have been discarded on the ground next to Mom's smashed-up Volkswagen. _Apparently Fee would rather go nude than wear that outfit._ I open my mouth to tell her to back off, but she's already running her hands up Paul's back and squeezing his shoulders. She stretches up on her tiptoes and purrs into his ear, "Where have _you _been all my life?"

I could and probably _should _roll my eyes and scoff at the lame pick-up line before putting Felicia in her place, but I feel strangely angered by her words. I'm _not _jealous, _I'm not, _but I don't want her touching Paul. I want to demand she take her hands off him _right now_, but I bite my tongue because I'm afraid if I come off as even a little bit jealous or territorial, Fee is going to do something seriously outrageous. She may already do something seriously outrageous at the rate we're going; she's squeezed her way under Paul's arm and is feeling up his bicep. I cringe as he awkwardly brushes her off and looks to me for help.

"Fee," I clear my throat and announce, "This is Paul, he's going to bring us home once the tow truck gets here. Brad crashed the car, in case you didn't know." I look to Paul and quickly finish, "Paul, this is Felicia."

"Hey there, Felicia," Paul greets, trying to shake her hand while still keeping her at a safe distance, but it's not working.

I've never believed Felicia to be so un-classy, but she is practically throwing herself at Paul. It's disturbing to see my mom behave this way, especially in so little clothing, and I'm embarrassed for her and me at the same time. I can't decide if I think it's funny that Paul is so clearly uncomfortable or if I feel sort of bad for him. Felicia is batting her eyelashes at him as she tells him about herself, "...I've been Miss Texas for three years runnin' now..." Then she giggles.

_I'm gonna slap her. _I finally scoff and whisper incoherently, "You are _not_ Miss Texas, you skanky..." I trail off when I see Paul smirking. _Uh-oh, did he hear me?_ Loudly now, I say, "Felicia, come sit in the car. It looks like it might rain." Fee looks back and stares at me blankly, so I point out frankly, "It's getting cold, and you have no pants on. Get in the car. And go get Brad's clothes first." Felicia rolls her eyes at me, but I stare her down. "Now, Fee."

Felicia sighs dramatically before stomping off to gather up Brad's discarded jeans and flannel shirt. I use the moment to mouth to Paul, 'Sorry about her.' He just shrugs and smiles at me in that way that has me blushing. _I hate when he does that. _But for some reason, I'm kind of happy that he smiled at _me _like that and not at Felicia. _Am I fucking concussed? What is wrong with me? _Felicia is back, and I silently gesture for her to climb in the back. She wants to argue, I can see it on her face, but something keeps her from doing so. She merely pulls a face at me before opening the back door and hopping in.

"It's awfully _rude _to make your mother sit in the back seat," Felicia chides me.

"You're not my mother," I point out smugly.

"I'm still older," Felicia argues.

Ignoring her, I ask Paul, "So where's Embry? Why didn't he come? Who was that girl who answered his phone?"

"He was...out," Paul replies strangely, the same way Emily had when I asked her on the phone, "We couldn't find him. Emily is Sam's fiancée. Emily told me you needed a ride, so...here I am."

I want to be mad at the cocky grin, but I find myself smiling back as I tell him, "Thank you."

"Any time."

I don't realize I'm staring until I see headlights out of the corner of my eye and I turn to find the tow truck has arrived. I tell Felicia to stay in vehicle while Paul and I talk to the truck driver. I explain the situation and hand over the keys; it's fairly painless. Paul helps him hook up the car, and then we both get in his Bronco.

"Can you do me a favor?" I ask as he starts up the engine. He nods and I request, "Drive slow."

"Why?" Paul wants to know.

Mom's head pops up between Paul's and mine from the backseat and she fills in with Felicia's voice, "She's hoping by the time we get back home lil' ole me won't be sittin' back here."

"Yeah," I confirm, turning on her, "When is Mom coming back, Fee? I thought you had an agreement with her?"

Felicia tosses her head haughtily, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't."

"I don't," Felicia stays adamant about it. She crosses her arms and stares out the window to avoid my questions. I roll my eyes and turn around in my seat.

Paul looks over at me and asks, "Is it all right if I put the radio on?"

"Yeah," I nod, "its fine."

Paul turns the knob on the radio and the sound of soft rock fills the car. I am grateful Paul thought to turn on the music. It is a good distraction, for me and my anger, and for Fee and her attempt to seduce Paul. I am pretty sure tonight is the most surreal night I've experienced in my entire life. I would never in a million years have thought that Brad taking me driving would lead to a car accident, caused by him, that would result in Paul Lahote driving me home with a half-naked Felicia in the backseat wanting in his pants. _Yup. That pretty much sums up all the weirdness of the night in one sentence. _Too bad it's not just a dream.

By the time Paul pulls into the driveway at my house, Felicia has fallen asleep. I sigh in relief and ask Paul to do me _one _more favor: Carry Mom into the house. He doesn't mind, though, even after I change my mind and tell him I'll wake her up. He insists that he carry her in, and I lead the way, opening the front door and quietly directing him to Mom's bedroom. Paul places her gently on the bed, and I tuck her in before following him back outside. The house is quiet and all the lights are off upstairs, so I'm assuming Denae and LJ are sleeping, and for that I can only be grateful.

"Thanks for...uh, tonight." I try and think of a way to show him my appreciation without inflating his already massive ego. "I would be in even more trouble right now, believe it or not, if you hadn't shown up. Sorry if that was really weird for you. It probably was…"

"No," Paul says firmly, "It's fine. I don't mind at all. Really, Shay; it was no trouble."

I regard him suspiciously before warning, "This doesn't mean I've changed my mind about you. It just means that I owe you one…"

Paul leans in and stares down at me so seriously that I feel my heart skip a beat; _Oh God, he's not going to kiss me – is he? _"Good," He smiles, "Because that wasn't how I planned on changing your mind."

"Good," I repeat breathily, "I should go…get ready for school tomorrow."

Paul nods, "You should."

"Paul?" I lick my lips before requesting in a soft voice, "Please don't tell anyone about my mom and –"

Paul hushes me when he engulfs me in a hug. He squeezes me briefly as he promises, "I'm not going to tell anyone, Shay. I promise."

"Thanks," I feel the ghost of a smile on my lips.

Paul steps back and tells me, "Goodnight," before walking towards his truck.

"'Night," I murmur back, not even sure he could hear me. I reach for the door handle and step inside. When I shut the door, I lean my back against it and put my hand over my heart, where I feel the rapid thumping through my chest. It slows to a steadier rate as I breathe deeply. I don't know why Paul affects me the way that he does, and it does _not _mean that I've changed my mind about him already _at all_, but…_something _has changed. Something is different about him, or about me, and I have yet to figure out which it is.

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**Please Review! Do you guys like the longer chapters? Or would you prefer them to be shorter? Let me know.**

**What was your favorite part about the chapter? Your least favorite? Were you confused at all with the alter-switches this chapter? If you were, tell me, because I'd like to fix it if there is confusion :)**

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**Thanks guys!**

**-BecomingScarlett**


	6. 6 Back to the Very Beginning

**Thanks so much for reading/following/favoriting! I was so happy to see many new followers after last chapter. I'd love to hear from each of you what you think of the story so far :)**

**Special thanks to those who reviewed, your words keep me going, so thanks for being awesome: arose4u2, ThatDayDreamer-x, Guest(1), sarahmichellegellarfan1, Green-NaNa-Neko89, WolfLove, Guest(2), & Champion of Justice! **

**This chapter explains a little more about Paul & Shay's past, since I know a lot of you were wondering why she is so mean to him...Hopefully the back-story will help you see why it's hard for Shay to accept Paul's strange behavior (:**

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**Our Love Is Insanity **

**Chapter 6: Back to the Very Beginning**

"Whoa!" Kate comments loudly as she waits for me to change into my gym clothes. She switched her P.E. class to my period last week, before the deadline ended, because her teacher was like a gym drill sergeant and she hated him. Anyways, now she's staring at my chest and demanding to know, "What the _Hell_ happened to you?"

I shrug into my maroon-colored T-shirt, feeling multiple eyes on my body thanks to Kate's big mouth. I shoot her a look before answering quietly, "I got into an accident on Sunday." At the time, I hadn't thought I sustained any injuries, but when I awoke yesterday morning and stripped down for a shower, the first thing I noticed was the dark, ugly bruise spreading from my left shoulder down to almost the middle of my chest. I figured out it must have been from when I slammed on the brakes before crashing into the tree, and the seatbelt tried to 'save my life' by nearly taking off my head. My chest is pretty sore and sensitive; I can't even lift my arm over my head without groaning in pain. Hopefully it will feel better soon, but in the meantime it sucks. I guess I'm just glad the airbag blowing up in my face didn't leave me two black eyes to match. Then I'd really look like a mess right now.

"What kind of accident?" Kate wants to know, "A car accident?"

"Yeah," I reply, giving her a quick summary of events while I switch from my jeans into a pair of cotton athletic shorts, "My mom took me driving and a deer ran out in front of me. I swerved to avoid it, and crashed right into a tree." I shrug, smiling sheepishly. It's the story Mom and I came up with to tell Denae, so I figure it'll work for Kate too. I don't want to tell her about Mom's Identity Disorder yet, and all the drama it entails, so I have to lie to _another_ person to keep my mom's secret safe. "It was stupid of me. The whole car is ruined."

"Oh man, Shay!" Kate's blue eyes are wide and she looks as though she's trying very hard not to laugh as she queries, "What did your mom say? Was she mad? You're not grounded, are you?" I guess I can see why she finds it a little funny; I mean crashing into a tree is funny...when it's not you. _Well, and so long as no one died. _

"She was mad," I answer while I tie my shoelaces, "But she decided it wasn't really my fault. I'm not in trouble, but we won't have a car for a while, so that's kind of a punishment."

"Oh no," Kate sympathizes, "Do you have to get a new car?"

"We're not sure yet. The mechanic is supposed to give us a call today or tomorrow to let us know if it's worth fixing and how much the damages will cost to repair." I shrug. We both start for the door that leads from the girls' locker room to the gym, since our teacher stuck her head in and announced that the boys are all ready and waiting anxiously for us to come out and play flag football with them. _Of course they're ready-and-waiting to play their favorite game of Ass-Grab Football. Why wouldn't they be? _I conclude as we walk past the bleachers, "If it's not worth it, we'll have to get a new car."

"That sucks," Kate comments, "But I'm glad you're not grounded." She grins cheekily, bumping her hip against mine. Then, as she and I reach for a red flag belt from the bin of stinky, old gym equipment, she complains, "This game is so inappropriate; it should be illegal." To the boys, she says, "If my ass gets grabbed one more time by any of you horny pervs, I'm going to turn this game of flag football to _touch_ football and start kicking all your asses. Do you got that, boys?" The nearby males in our class choke on their laughter and look to the teacher warily. She didn't hear a thing. Kate raises her eyebrows and smirks, "You have been warned."

After P.E., Kate and I change back into our everyday clothes and head to the cafeteria for lunch. Derek is in this lunch period, along with Lydia and Josh, who I got to know better at the party last Friday night. Lydia is a tiny, strawberry-blonde who is barely five-feet-tall, but can play any sport at the same skill level of the boys in our grade. She's amazing at soccer, basketball, and she's the main reason Forks High now has a field hockey team for the girls. Josh is Kate's best guy friend; he's goofy and likes to draw and skateboard. He's also totally in love with Kate, only she's completely oblivious. I noticed right away…something about the way he looks at her tipped me off. I'm going to let her figure it out for herself, though. We head towards the table they're seated at, with Derek and a few of his other friends.

"Hey-hey, party people," Kate calls happily as she slides into a spot in between her brother and Josh. I sit across from her, next to Lydia and some senior I don't know. "Shay, show them your ridiculous bruise." She turns to the others and explains, "Shay was in a car accident this weekend."

I didn't exactly plan on telling everyone, but with all eyes on me, I don't really have a choice but to tell the tale. They all listen intently, commenting on how scary it must have been to hit the tree and how lucky I am my mom wasn't too mad. After I tell them the whole story, sans the part about Brad and Felicia and everything else that happened after I called the tow truck, Kate asks me again to show my bruise. I tug on my shirt to expose my shoulder, and the giant bruise, and they all gasp loudly.

"Damn, Shay," Derek leans across the table for a better look, "Does it hurt?" He presses two of his fingers on my tender skin and I wince in pain. He quickly pulls his hand back and mutters, "Sorry."

"Of course it hurts, dumbass!" Kate rolls her eyes and then slaps Derek up-side the head. Then, she looks at me with her head cocked to the side and wonders aloud, "How'd you get home, anyways?"

"When?" I ask stupidly, "Sunday?" Kate nods. "Oh. I called my cousin, Embry, but he was busy so he sent his friend."

"Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man?" Kate is practically holding her breath in anticipation as she urges me to, "_Please_ tell me it was Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man."

"Uh…" I frown and shake my head as I deny, "I have no idea who you're talking about."

Kate bites back a laugh, "Oh, yeah, _sure_." She stares at me pointedly as she describes, "The guy who showed up with your hott cousin on Friday…Tall and sexy, dark hair and eyes, built like David Beckam on steroids; you know, the one who wouldn't take his hands off you."

"_Paul?" _I fill in for her and she nods rapidly, smirking as she notices that even just saying his name has brought a blush to my cheeks. I try and cover it up by rushing on to say, "Well, yeah. I mean, Embry sent him, but it's not like I asked for him to come. I don't know why he keeps showing up places, honestly. He just…will not leave me alone."

"And you have a problem with this because…?" Kate prompts with a knowing smile. "He's like the hottest man I've ever laid eyes on. If he followed me around like a lost puppy, I would not have a single thing to complain about."

"Trust me," I sigh, "You would."

"So…" Derek cuts in awkwardly, "That guy _wasn't_ your boyfriend, Shay?"

"No!" I shake my head rapidly back and forth. _What made him think that?!_

"Not yet, anyways," Kate teases.

"No," I repeat firmly, "Never. Paul will _never_ be my boyfriend."

Kate looks like she wants to argue with me some more about my statement, but Derek speaks first, "Cool. So, will you be at the football game on Friday?"

Derek plays football, and I think this is his not-so subtle way of seeing if I'll be joining Kate in cheering him on in the crowd. I smile lightly and tell him, "Yeah, I'll probably be there. As long as I don't have to babysit…_and _if I can get a ride."

"Good," Derek nods, "I hope you can make it. I'm sure Kate could pick you up."

Kate shrugs, "Why not? I'll come get you, if you want. We can go together. I can see where you live and shizz."

"Yeah," I nod, "That's cool with me."

When I finish eating, I get up to dump my trash in the garbage and put my tray in the pile with the other used trays. Derek follows after me, throwing out his trash as well. He waits until we're far enough from the table for Kate and the others to be out of earshot, and then he smiles and says in a flirty tone, "So if you can make it to the game, would you want to grab something to eat with me afterwards?"

_As in, _just_ him? _Kate wouldn't like that...

"I don't know, Derek," I say gently, "I wouldn't want Kate to be mad."

"What if I ask her if it's all right?" Derek offers to compromise.

I shrug slowly and reply, "Well...okay. If she says yes, then I'll think about it." _She's not going to say yes though…_

"It's a deal," Derek says with a big grin, before turning and walking out of the cafeteria.

"What did he want?"

I jump at the sound of Kate's voice directly behind me.

"Ooh, you're jumpy," Kate notes with a smirk. "Was it something _Derek _did?"

"No," I deny at first, and then decide to tell her the truth. Derek is going to ask her anyways, and I don't want her to think I like him enough to lie to her about it, because I really don't. "Actually, kind of…yeah. Derek just asked me to go out to eat with him after the football game Friday."

"What?" Kate screeches, "I already told him to stay away from you! What did you say? You didn't say yes, did you? I mean, what about _Paul?_"

"I didn't say yes, but…" I frown, "How did this go from Derek to Paul? What does _Paul_ have to do with anything?"

"There is totally something between you two," Kate says, quickly talking over me so she doesn't have to hear me deny it, "I don't care what you say! There is, and if you don't know it yet, you'll see. He's _into _you."

"Paul Lahote is so _not _into me, Kate," I correct her, "In fact, we are more like enemies. He teased me endlessly when I went to school in La Push. He called me names, spread stupid rumors about me and my family, went out of his way every day to make me miserable, and all of it for no reason at all. So even if he _was_ into me, which he's not, I'd never be into him."

"And how long ago was this?" Kate asks with a knowing smirk on her lips, "Because you do know that boys are idiots and sometimes they're mean when they have a crush on a girl..."

"It was not a crush, Kate!" I tell my clueless friend, "He _hated _me. I don't know what his problem is now. Maybe it's some new form of torture he's trying out. Maybe he's so bored he has to find some way to keep himself entertained. Who the fuck knows what he's thinking? I just want him to leave me alone." As the words leave my lips, I feel myself frowning. _That's not really true though, is it? _I guess I don't really want him to leave me alone, but _only_ because I still owe him for helping me out Sunday night, and for no other reason _but_ that. "I mean, I guess he has been better since I moved back from New York, but that's only because he didn't recognize me at first. Can you believe that? The guy tortures me my entire freshman year of high school and then doesn't even recognize me after a year goes by? And now he's trying to be all nice and pretending to be my friend, and it's just fucking weird, Kate. You have no idea. I mean, he really helped me out the other night, but the way he's been acting is beyond confusing. I don't know what to think."

After a pregnant pause, during which I wished I could take back everything I just said, Kate suggests, "Maybe...that he _likes you? _And you're a big, dumb moron?"

"Paul doesn't _like _girls," I quote the rumors I've been hearing about him for _years_, "Paul just fucks girls. Paul uses them for what he wants, when he wants it, and then he's done with them." I have a sour taste in my mouth. I don't know why, but it makes me sick to think that Paul is like that. I hate guys who act like they're too cool for a relationship, like the only thing girls are good for is a hook-up, and it is sickening to think Paul is that way. _But he's always been like that...it never bothered me before. _I shake my head, finding my voice again, "I'll never be one of those girls."

"Sorry," Kate says sympathetically, finally dropping the teasing tone she'd been using, "I didn't know. I mean, obviously he's sexy enough to be a big player, but it didn't look that way to me. I mean, he wasn't even looking at any other girls. Not even _me _with my amazing boob-boosting bustier!" She and I giggle for a moment over the memory of her outfit last Friday night. "And the way he looked at _Derek? _Shay, there was _fire _in his eyes; he wanted to kick his ass, but he didn't. If he didn't _at least _want a piece of your ass, he wouldn't have cared! He picked you up and dragged you away like he was fucking Tarzan and you're Jane."

"What are you going on and on about?" I ask impatiently as I tug her in the direction of our lockers so we can get our books for the next class. She's going to make us late if we don't go now. Besides, I don't need her putting ideas in my head over what Paul thinks of me. _Things are already confusing enough!_ "You were drunker than I was, so why do you remember all this and I have no idea what you're talking about?"

"I'm saying, maybe he _changed, _Shay," Kate tells me the exact thing Embry told me about Paul, "People change all the time. And maybe you never really knew him in the first place? I'm not trying to make you upset or angry at me, but I really _really _think you should give Paul a chance. That way you'll know for sure if he's who you thought he was, or if he's somebody else."

My mouth drops open in shock, a perfect 'o', and all air is knocked out of my lungs so I can't even speak. I can't believe she said that. What would make her think that? I have no idea what everyone's deal is lately, but they've seriously all hopped on the crazy train. _Yeah, that's right, I said it! The crazy train! Someone go alert Paul that I stole his joke, because everyone I know is fucking mad. _"What? Did he - did he _come here_ and make you say that? Have you talked to Embry? How did you…know that -?"

Kate laughs at my confusion, "No. I didn't talk to either of them. How could I?"

"Embry said almost the same thing, like word-for-word." I tell her as I shake my head, "I don't get it. How can all of you see him so differently than I do? He's...he's an asshole." _But he hasn't been an ass to me so far. _"He makes fun of other people for his own amusement." _But he hasn't done that either, not even on Sunday when he had plenty of reasons to make fun of me or my crazy mom. _"He's clearly on steroids and he's so conceited that he thinks he's some kind of gift to women." _All right, now that one's just my personal opinion! _I blink at my locker in confusion and can't even remember my combination because my brain is so frazzled. I need to stop thinking about Paul at school; it is not going to help bring up my GPA any.

"I don't know," Kate says as she twists the knob on her locker right-to-left and then left-to-right before popping it open and tossing in her books haphazardly, "But like I said before, people change. And rumors aren't always true. And if I'm wrong about him..." She taps her finger to her chin in thought, "Then I'll let you date my brother." She laughs at her joke.

"Who said I wanted to date Derek anyways?" I question her with a laugh of my own. "I guess you're right, though. Some rumors aren't true. Some people do change, not always for the better...but I'll give Paul a chance to prove he's not the ass I thought he was. I'm not saying giving him a chance is going to change anything, and I might still hate him afterwards, but maybe we could be friends." _Maybe. _

_**BRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!**_

"Dammit," Kate curses, "We're late!"

"I know," I quickly recall my combination, open my locker and pull out the notebook I need for my next class. I start off in the opposite direction as my blonde friend, telling her, "I've got English. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you in History," Kate smiles and waves, "Bye!"

* * *

For some reason, and I'd like to blame Kate here since she's the one who put the ideas in my head, Paul is on my mind all week long. I don't know if it can really be Kate's fault though, as much as I'd like it to be, because I was thinking about him even before our conversation at lunch on Tuesday. _Well…if it's not Kate's fault then its Paul's fault and I have no problem blaming him for this._ He's the one who keeps showing up at random times, trying to convince me he's changed since high school, and making me more confused by his behavior now than I was four years ago when he stopped being nice and started being an asshole. I'm not even entirely sure why he feels like he _has _to change my mind in the first place. He never cared what I thought about him before. In fact, I'm positive his goal had been to make me hate him, and he succeeded. I had hated him, and he was fine with that, but now he wants me _not _to hate him, and I don't know why. _He is so frustrating!_

I still remember the first time I ever met Paul Lahote. _Maybe that's part of the reason I was so mad he forgot who I was…_We had only been in La Push a few days; Mom was still un-packing the house, when her body wasn't alter-occupied, Denae was holed up in her room on a hunger strike and giving Mom the silent treatment for 'ruining her life', and I was twelve and had never felt more alone in mine. Up until that point, my life had been pretty great. I know that might seem weird, coming from a girl whose mom has had D.I.D. her entire existence, but my parents did everything they could to give us a normal life and make us happy. Things weren't crazy all the time, and if they were, it didn't feel like it because that was my _normal._ It was only after Dad left and we moved from Nebraska to Washington that I felt abandoned by my father, ignored by my sister, and scared of my mother because she wasn't herself. Everything changed all at once, and not one change was welcome.

Anyways, our old house was not as close to Aunt Tiff's as our new one is, but it was closer to the beach. Mom hadn't been paying any attention to me or what I was up to, so I slipped out the back door and found my way to the water. Coming from Nebraska, I had never been around an ocean before, and I was astounded by its greatness and its beauty. I could have sat and watched it for hours and been perfectly content. I wasn't expecting there to be an older boy already on the beach, hurling rocks into the ocean, looking as angry as I felt on the inside. I watched him from the shade of the woods because I was intrigued by him, but I didn't want him to notice me and turn his anger in my direction. After throwing a particularly large rock, which landed in the ocean with a giant splash, he turned around to grab another and saw me straight away. I didn't want him to know I'd been spying, so I stepped out of the woods and said hello. He said hi back, and then returned to throwing rocks. I sat down on a large boulder facing the ocean, watched the waves crash on the shore, and tried to pretend that the cutest boy I'd ever talked to wasn't standing a few feet away. I observed him and the ocean equally, unable to decide which was more eye-catching. The boy's anger eventually melted away, and he started talking to me. He said he was Paul, and he lived nearby. I said I was Shailene, and I did too. I had just moved from Omaha, Nebraska, after my parents divorced. Paul said his parents were divorced too, and he'd moved out here with his dad when he was eight. When it was time for me to get home, Paul walked me there, and told me his house was only four houses down the road. He smiled and said he'd see me around.

From that day forward, for the last month and a half of summer, Paul and I met at the beach nearly every day. We talked, went for walks on the beach, browsed the shops, hiked through the woods, ate ice cream cones; pretty much anything to be away from our homes for most of the day. I didn't know why _he _didn't want to be at home, but I eventually figured it out. Paul's dad was not the nicest man, and since divorcing his mom he became a drunk. The alcohol paired with his short-temper made him a volatile person. Paul never admitted it to me, but I suspected he was verbally abused by his dad, and I prayed he wasn't physically abused too. He never looked it, but I worried about him. He was the first boy I liked so much it made my chest hurt when I thought about him. I knew he didn't feel the same way, but I hoped that one day he would. I thought we'd be one of those friends who turned into boyfriend and girlfriend because one day they realized how perfect for each other they were. It was a naïve thing to think, but I was only twelve-and-a-half. To think, I almost trusted him enough to tell him about my mom's disorder, but I never got the chance…

When school started up the first week of September, I was in 7th grade and Paul in 9th, and we didn't see each other for a while since we went to different schools. When I did finally see him, he acted strange, _distant_, and then soon after that he stopped talking to me altogether. I was hurt; the first friend I made in La Push decided I wasn't cool enough for him because he was in high school, and it was even worse that I had such a ridiculous crush on him. I wanted to be mad at him, to hate him for being nice to me all summer only to turn into a different person come fall, but I liked him too much. He moved on from me, but _I _was still stuck crushing on him. Denae was the only one I told about my feelings for Paul, and she said he was a jerk and he wasn't worth my tears. Later that same year, after she dropped out of La Push High, Denae told me the rumors that Paul had already become a player with the girls. Denae said his goal was to sleep with every girl in the whole school before graduating. By the time I started high school a year and a half later, Paul was a genuine man whore, and he acted like we were never even friends. What was worse was that he didn't ignore me, he ridiculed me. He called me names, made me think I was ugly, and teased me for the one thing I could never change; my mother. I don't know how he ever found out about Mom's D.I.D. in the first place, but it was the punch-line to all his jokes and it drove me crazy. I didn't do anything to deserve his cruelty. _Well...maybe I made things worse that time I said he was an asshole just like his father, but he had pushed me to my limit! _He wasn't who I thought he was at all.

Paul was my first friend when I moved to La Push, he was also my first crush - although he never knew it, my first heartbreak - thank God he didn't know about that, and my first enemy. Now? _Now he's just confusing as Hell..._

"Shay!" Denae yells from the bottom of the stairs, "Kate's here!"

"Okay!" I call back as I take one last look in the mirror. I add a brown and tan, cheetah-printed scarf to my outfit of black skinny jeans, a gray and black striped tank, and a light gray jean jacket. I slip my feet into a pair of black leather boots with skull-face buttons on the sides; Denae bought them without realizing the buttons were skulls, so she gave them to me. _I can't say I'm complaining. _I gather my hair into a messy bun and then head down to meet Kate at the front door.

It's Friday afternoon, and Kate is picking me up so we can go to the football game together. She's going to meet my mom, Denae, and LJ for the first time. I'm worried Mom might not be _herself, _but she reassured me earlier that she would be fine. She said, and I quote, "The alters have been on their best behavior since the car accident". _Yeah...Right, Mom. How long will that last for?_ I hope it's for longer than today. Kate doesn't know about the D.I.D. yet, but I'll tell her soon; I don't want to freak her out since we've only been friends for a month. It seems like longer, but I suppose that's from being in three of her classes plus lunch everyday since the first week of September. Anyways, Denae told me she read in a magazine that the three-month mark in a relationship is when it's okay to have sex, so I figure in a _friend_ship the three-month mark will give me the okay to reveal my mom's secret. _That makes sense, right? Sex and Moms with personality disorders are on the same level of seriousness, aren't they?_

"…I'm Denae," I hear my sister introduce herself, "Shay's sister. Nice to meet you. This is my son, Levi James."

"Hey," Kate's voice replies, sounding happy but slightly nervous at the same time. _Ha-ha, she's scared of LJ; I forgot about her 'small child phobia'. _"Yeah, Shay's told me a lot about both of you. What's up, little dude?"

"I gotta go poop!" LJ yells before running out of the room and up the stairs, where he passes by me and yells again, "I gotta go poop, Shay!"

"OK, LJ," I reply with a small laugh, "You can do it!"

I laugh again when I hear Denae excuse herself, "Uh, I should go check on him. He's still potty-training…" Then Denae is also running past me to go upstairs, just as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Those boots look cute on you, Shay," She compliments.

"Thanks, they're yours," I remind her.

"I know!"

I turn at the bottom of the stairs and find Kate standing inside the front door, looking around nervously. She smiles when she sees me, looking calmer almost immediately. I wave, "Hey. So you met Denae and LJ…"

"Yeah," Kate nods, and then makes a face, "Kind of. Your nephew told me he had to poop, and then he…took off." She pouts, "I told you little kids hate me."

"He tells everyone that," I explain, "So don't take it personally. We took him out to breakfast a couple weeks ago, and he was telling the waitress about his potty-training debacles."

"Lovely," Kate comments, "Good to know he's not shy."

I laugh, "Yeah. Come on, I want you to meet my mom. Then we can go."

"All right," Kate agrees.

Down the hall, in Mom's painting room, Mom is sitting behind a canvas, as usual. She has the radio on so quiet I can't even hear what song is playing, and she looks deeply concentrated. The second she hears us enter though, she places her brush down and turns to us with a great big smile. _She's trying too hard to seem normal, _I think to myself.

"Hi, you must be Kate," Mom stands up and wipes her hand on a clean rag so she can shake Kate's hand, "It's so nice to meet you. Shailene told me all about you."

"Yep, that's me," Kate replies with a polite smile, "Nice to meet you too."

"Thank you for coming out here to get Shailene for me. I don't know if she told you, but our car is in the shop right now. We had a bit of an accident last weekend."

"She told me," Kate confirms. Then she looks to me and asks, "How is that gnarly bruise doing, by the way?"

"Better," I reply, showing her the top of my left shoulder, where the bruise has faded from a deep, dark purple to a gross brownish-green. "It still looks ugly, but it doesn't hurt like it did a few days ago."

Mom glances at the clock on the wall and announces, "Don't you girls have to go? I don't want you to be late because of me."

"Oh!" Kate jumps when she sees the time, "Yeah, we should go. I told Josh we'd meet him in five minutes, and we're so not going to be there by then." She turns to my mom, "It was so nice to meet you…" She trails off, uncertain what to say.

"Whitney," Mom fills in, "Please, call me Whitney. And it was very nice to meet you, Kate. Come over again soon. Did you need gas money?" She holds up her pointer finger, "Hold on, let me give you some money for gas since you drove out to get Shay." She disappears into the kitchen for a moment and then comes back with her big red purse.

"You really don't have to do that…" Kate tries to deny Mom's offer, but Mom has already pulled a twenty dollar bill out of her wallet and stuck it in Kate's hand.

"I insist," Mom says firmly. "Have fun girls."

"Thank you," Kate says. I wave, "We will. Bye Mom!"

Outside, we discover that we can't leave yet, because Kate's car is blocked in by Embry's. Kate's eyes light up when she sees who's in the passenger seat, and she looks over to me with a smirk on her face. I shake my head at her slightly, hoping she won't make a big deal over Paul being here, and walk right up to Embry's window.

"What are you two doing here?" I ask with an impatient sigh. _Is this going to turn into my Friday night? Embry and Paul showing up without notice and bugging me all night long?_

"Do you _ever_ just say hi?" Embry wonders.

"Do you _ever_ call when you plan on stopping over someone's house?" I counter with a question of my own.

"We're family," Embry shrugs, "The same rules don't apply to me that apply to everyone else."

"Right. Sure. That makes sense, Emb." I roll my eyes. Kate elbows my side in a not-so-subtle reminder of her presence, and so I supply, "Embry, this is my friend Kate. I don't know if you officially met her last week or if you were too busy being the worst party-crasher in the world…"

Embry looks to Kate and says hello, and I look past him to Paul in the passenger seat. He smiles and my heart starts acting funny. I send him back a smile that is probably more of a grimace since I'm trying to fight these stupid feelings of attraction for him. Recalling all those details of our brief 'friendship' when I first moved here and the way it ended is obviously fucking with my brain, and I know I told Kate I would try and figure out if Paul is a different person now, but I don't know if I can. My body and my mind want two completely opposite things to happen with Paul, and I'm torn - I'm seriously fucking torn over what to do. Logically, I know that my brain is correct in being cautious of Paul and keeping him at a distance, but there is a tiny part that is unsure and that little bit of doubt is making me question everything I ever thought or felt. I can ignore that, the little voice in my head saying 'what if…', but I can't ignore the signals my body is sending out to him. My heart starts to race, my cheeks flush, my palms get sweaty, and my stomach erupts in a fit of butterflies; obvious signs of physical attraction. My body is _lusting _for Paul, but that is _all _I feel for him, and I have enough self-control to be sure that nothing will happen unless I'm convinced he's changed. _And he hasn't changed, so I have nothing to worry about. _I blink a few times and realize I've been staring, and I expect Paul to be grinning like an idiot, but he's studying me seriously, and I imagine for a moment what he might be thinking about me...

"So…" Kate's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, "You guys should meet us at the high school. We're going to watch the football game, and then we're probably going to grab a bite to eat." I turn and glare at Kate. _How dare she invite these two goons along without even asking me! _Kate smiles innocently, stating, "You don't mind…do you, Shay?"

Embry and Paul both look to me, Paul actually looking _hopeful _at the chance to go to a high school football game. _Something is seriously wrong with him…_I sigh, "Don't you guys have anything better to do? I mean, you don't even go to Forks High." To Paul, I add, "You're not even _in _high school anymore. Shouldn't you be off doing things that…that normal, graduated people do?"

Embry and Paul exchange a look before shrugging and turning back to me with equally mischievous grins on their faces. "Nah," Embry responds, un-phased by my peeved reaction, "We've got no plans. Not for a couple hours, anyways. So come on Shay; let us tag along."

"You're so lame," I tell him with another sigh, "But if you want to come…then fine. Whatever. But you're taking your own car." I turn to Kate, who I'm still deciding whether or not to be annoyed with, and ask, "Ready to go?"

"Yup!" Kate grins happily at the boys before bounding over to her car and hopping in. _Ugh, I can't even be mad at her because she's too stinkin' cute._

I give Embry the classic 'I'm watching you' hand gesture before following Kate. We end up behind Embry's car the entire way, Kate asking me questions about the two boys in front of us, much to my dismay. She asks why I don't go to La Push High with Embry, if I'm part Quiluete too, and if all the boys from La Push are as sexy as Paul and Embry are. I groan and tell her that she sounds like one of the Edward Cullen groupie sluts she hates so much and that shuts her right up. When we get to the high school, Kate parks next to Embry, and we all exit our vehicles at the same time. Kate sidles up next to Embry, shooting me an obvious wink over her shoulder as she leaves me alone with Paul, and starts to tell Embry about the Halloween party she and Derek are planning for the end of the month as she guides him towards the football field. _It's the first week of October and she and her crazy brother already have the whole party planned out._

"_Another _party?" Paul comments disbelievingly. "Are you going?"

I look at him with one eyebrow raised and state drily, "I don't know. But if I _do _go I'm not telling you."

"Why?" Paul asks, even though he looks like he already knows the answer.

"Because I'd like to maybe _not _get dragged away from another great party by my newly over-protective cousin and his kill-joy friend." I say with a slight smirk on my lips, which I hide from him by turning my head in the direction of the football field rather than Paul's face.

"I'm not a kill-joy," Paul denies, sounding offended.

I scoff, "Coulda fooled me…"

"You weren't complaining about me being a kill-joy when you passed out on me in the car," Paul points out smugly, "Or when I carried you up to your bed and you didn't want to let go of…"

"So you _were_ in my room!" I narrow my eyes at him as I point at his chest accusingly, "Who do you think you are? Who said you could do that? And you can't hold what I did when I was _wasted_ against me. It's not like drunk people are known for making the greatest decisions…"

"Aunt Whit told him to bring you to your room," Embry cuts in gently as he places a hand on my shoulder; I hadn't even noticed he and Kate stopped walking to wait for us, and obviously to watch my freak-out. "Chill out, Shay. When are you going to stop being mad about that? You were drunk and we took you home to bed; no big deal. No one's making fun of your actions that night." I feel my shoulders slump as his words sink in and I realize that Embry is right and I'm over-reacting. "Are we cool now?"

I stare up at my freakishly tall cousin and nod begrudgingly, "We're cool…" I mutter, "Just don't do it again."

"Josh-yyy!" Kate calls out happily a moment later, waving to the boy whose affections she's oblivious to. Said boy is standing behind the bleachers, smoking a cigarette with a few other guys who skateboard like Josh does. The moment he sees Kate though, his face breaks out in a huge smile, and he ditches the cigarette and the guys for his girl. _Well, the girl he wishes was his girl. _I have to smile when I see how happy he is to see her. _How does she not know he's head over heels for her? _When he reaches her side, she hugs him briefly, excusing our tardiness, "Sorry we're late. I had to drive to La Push to get Shay and I didn't realize how long it would take."

"It's cool," Josh shrugs off the apology, "I'm used to waiting around for you. I expected you to be at least fifteen minutes later than you said."

Kate laughs, "Aw, you know me so well," as she pinches one of his cheeks. Abruptly, she turns and points out the two unfamiliar guys standing along-side us, introducing them to Josh. "Oh, duh, this is Shay's cousin, Embry, and his friend Paul. Guys, this is Josh. We've known each other since Pre-K." She smiles at Embry.

"Hey," Paul says to Josh, shaking his hand politely. Embry shoots him a, "What's up?", along with a handshake. Josh seems a little surprised to see them, but he isn't rude. _Who'd be rude to these two Quiluete giants?_

"All right," Kate bounces up and down on the balls of her feet as she insists, "It's almost game-time. Let's go find Lydia and Michelle, and then we'll get some snacks before the game starts." Embry perks up and nods enthusiastically at the mention of food. _All he thinks about is food these days_. Kate bites her lip as she grins confidently and then tells Embry, "You can sit next to me..." She doesn't notice Josh's disappointment to her obvious interest in someone else, but I do.

"Why don't you and Josh get us some snacks," I cleverly suggest, "and we'll go save up some seats?"

Kate thinks on it for a moment, but Josh answers right away, "Good idea, Shay. We'll meet you over there." He grabs Kate's hand and drags her towards the concession stand.

Embry, Paul and I look for a spot on the bleachers where all of us can fit, and I spot Lydia and Michelle waving to me from the very top of the bleachers. They saved the whole top row, along with Will and Carly's help. They push down so we can sit, and I slide in next to Lydia, waving to everyone, "Hey guys. This is my cousin Embry, and his friend Paul." Lydia and Michelle exchange a look and then Lydia mouths to me 'Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man?' but obviously Paul and Embry figured it out because they both try and cover up their laughter with coughs. I hide my face with my hands and mumble, "I'm going to kill Kate for saying that."

When Kate and Josh return with popcorn, hot dogs, and drinks to share, Kate shifts everyone's spots around so that she can get Embry next to her, like she wanted. _I'm starting to learn that Kate usually gets what she wants..._Josh manages to get the spot on her other side, so Kate designates my spot - _**of course **_- in between Embry and Paul. Kate insists it is so she can talk to me and Josh still, but I know it's because she wanted to make sure I'd be next to Paul. _I liked my spot next to Lydia better..._

Before I can complain that I have to share my bucket of popcorn with Paul, who I've already established is a _pig_, the football game is about to start and Kate has us all chant for Derek when he comes running out in his uniform. I have to admit, he looks pretty cute with the navy blue and gold uniform on, and I'm not positive, but I think he might have winked at me. That distracts me long enough from the popcorn situation to forget about complaining about Paul...until I reach for a handful without looking and grab his big hand instead. I look up at him and release his hand, blushing in embarrassment. I awkwardly lower my hand to my side and look at the field where the two teams are lining up.

Paul laughs at my reaction, "Lighten up, Shay. I'm not going to bite you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Embry says teasingly from my left.

"Shut up," Paul reaches over me and smacks the back of Embry's head.

Embry tries to retaliate, but I put a stop to it by holding up my hands and declaring, "All right, all right! That's enough." Embry leans over me anyways and punches Paul on the arm, jostling the popcorn bucket right off my lap. It spills all over the metal bleacher and the ground fifteen feet beneath our feet and I glare at Embry. "Or knock my popcorn on the ground," I say sarcastically, "That's cool too."

"Sorry," Embry laughs.

I complain, "You suck. I got like one handful."

"I'll buy you another," Paul offers.

I hesitate before agreeing, "Okay..."

"Only if you come with me," Paul conditions with a smirk.

_Of course he'd say that. _I sigh, "Fine."

Paul seems surprised I didn't give him more trouble over his proposition, but he stands up and gestures for me to lead the way to the concession stand. I am sure he's going to bring up something about my mom's behavior Sunday night, but he doesn't say a thing about it. He asks me about school and other normal things while we wait in line. Then, out of nowhere, he asks, "Is chocolate chip cookie dough still your favorite ice cream?"

"What?" I stare at him in bewilderment, "Why would you ask that? How did you-?" I trail off when I realize he remembers - _he remembers - _getting ice cream cones with me...I didn't think he recalled the times we spent together, but he does. _What does that mean?_

"That's what you always used to get," Paul reminds with a smile, "And they have ice cream cookie sandwiches, so -"

"They what?" I gasp as I lean up on my tippy toes and catch a glimpse of the sign, "Oh my gosh, those things are so good." I look back at Paul and answer, "And yeah, it's still my favorite ice cream. It's kind of weird that you remember that."

"I remember more than you think," Paul says cryptically. For some reason, that makes me angry, and I frown and turn away from him slightly. Paul steps with my turn and continues, "And I know why you think I'm an asshole. I _was._ I think about what I did to you, and I wish I could take it back; I'm so sorry, Shay. I was just a -"

"Stupid, dumb, jerky, dick, douche bag _boy_?" I suggest when I cut him off.

"Any and all of the above," Paul agrees. He is staring down at me so seriously that I can't look away. "It's not an excuse for my actions, but if it makes it any better, I will never treat you that way again. I promise."

"Why?" I wonder.

Paul seems taken aback, "What?"

"Why?" I repeat. I list off the many questions I have for him about his strange behavior, "Why do you keep apologizing? Why do you care if I forgive you? Is it because you're friends with Embry now? Because you don't have to be nice to me just because you and my cousin hang out." He looks like he's got something to say, but I shake my head at him and continue, "No, seriously, Paul. I want to know what changed. I never questioned you before, when you stopped being nice to me, but I can't ignore _this. _You're acting like…" _like you used to, before you were an ass, when we were actually friends, _I almost say, but I don't allow myself to say it. I won't let Paul know how much he hurt me before. I don't want to be that vulnerable.

Paul thinks before speaking, which is a surprise in itself, and it shocks me even more when his words make sense. "I know that you haven't forgiven me, that's why I keep apologizing. It matters to me because…because it is my biggest regret, Shay, and I want to make it right."

"What is?" I ask in confusion. _Me? I'm his biggest regret? _

"What I did to you," Paul confirms my thoughts. He elaborates, "I took things out on you that weren't your fault. I said things that I never should have said. Those jokes about your mom, they were childish and cruel. I can't even believe I did that. I'm sorry."

I blink up at him, noticing that his brown eyes are so dark they're nearly black, but in this lighting, with the sun setting behind us, there are flecks of gray in them too. _I never noticed that before…_"You are different." I hear myself murmuring.

"Is that bad or…good?" Paul wants to know, his serious expression suddenly a little more playful.

I hum thoughtfully, "I'm not sure yet." But I can feel the smile on the corner of my lips too. I wanted to be mad at him, but after that apology, I'm finding it hard. I would never have thought Paul would be so concerned over my being angry with him, but obviously he has been. His apology was more genuine and sincere than the one my dad gave Denae and I before leaving Mom. _He really cares. _But even seeing it on his face and hearing it in his words, I'm still having trouble believing Paul has changed.

"Well I'll help you figure it out," Paul offers with a full-on smile this time, one that makes my heart race a little faster, "If you let me."

I smile coyly and step up to the counter at the concession stand as I tell him, "We'll see."

Paul buys me an ice cream cookie sandwich, and another popcorn bucket to share. He also gets a large soda, for himself, but he lets me share that too. By the time we leave the concession stand, I'm actually happy and smiling. Don't ask me why, but clearing some things up with Paul has lightened my mood. _I know, that sounds crazy, but a lot of things have been crazy lately. _It must be because he's been on my mind so much all week. I must be glad to know I've been on his mind as well, and not in a way where he was making fun of me, but wishing he could take back those mean things he said. I just hope trusting him won't come around and bite me in the ass…which is why I'm going to take this very, very slow. If he wants to be friends again, then he'll have to earn it.

"Uh…Shay?" I hear Paul's deep voice rumbling from behind me, and I pause to see what he wants. He puts a large hand on my shoulder and turns me so I'm facing the parking lot. He lowers his head to whisper in my ear, "Isn't that your mom?"

I follow his gaze and gasp in horror. _Yup. He's right. There's Mom. _Only it's _not _Mom! I feel my stomach drop as I answer, "Yeah…well, kind of."

Mom's hazel-green eyes hone in on Paul and I, and she perks up and smiles widely, wiggling the tips of her fingers at us in a half-assed wave. She tugs on the bottom of her short mini-skirt, and adjusts her skimpy top as she quickens her pace to catch up with us. Once she's within earshot, she calls out, "Hey ya'll!"

I groan and internally curse her disease. _Fuckin' Fee!_

* * *

**Uh-oh...first cliff-hanger of the story. Felicia showed up at the high school, and Whit had promised that would never happen. How do you think Shay will react? What do you think Fee will do?**

**Please Review! I'd love to hear from you. Tell me about your favorite part of this chapter, or your least favorite part. Who's your fave character? Who do you want to see more of? I take all of your suggestions into consideration when I'm writing because I want you guys to love the story as much as I do :)**

**-BecomingScarlett**


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